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March 2013 Moms
Baby Shower Blues
We had our baby shower this weekend. We invited around 45 friends and family, but only 10 people showed up. We sent the invitations out 6 weeks in advance. Even the grandparents showed up late and only stayed for an hour or so. I'm trying to look on the bright side, but my feelings are very hurt. It was suppose to be a great day. It makes me second guess who really cares about my child. Anyone else seeing their family differently since becoming pregnant? How do you handle it? Aren't they suppose to care?
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Re: Baby Shower Blues
I had a similar situation. I live in Florida and the majority of my family/friends live in NY and NJ so ok I KNEW no one was going to come, but it still hurt.. I had about 10 people as well and we had a good time but I was still upset that night. I know I am going to sound whiny here too, but what bothers me the most, is that NONE of my family on my dads side (who I DO talk to on a pretty normal basis) has sent me anything. I used to see them when I lived in NJ so the fact that I haven't even gotten so much as a facebook message saying congrats is really bothering me..
But as DH put it, the people who matter care about this baby and she'll never know anything otherwise- so eff everyone else.
)
While I agree it is horribly disappointing to have that many no shows, try to be grateful for the people who DID make an effort.
I always remind people that nobody is as excited for your baby than you are. Same goes with weddings. Just because someone couldn't attend a shower doesn't mean they don't care at all too. You and your DH loving and caring for your child is really all that they need to be thriving babies - the rest are just bonuses!
Our shower is in 2 weeks and that is my worry. Not much has been purchased off of our registry so I don't know what to think. My mom won't give me a straight answer as to how many people have RSVP'd so that makes me wonder. I know our families will be there so I suppose that's all that counts in the end.
As usual, I agree with Witty.
I invited around 40 people to my baby shower and so far only 14 have confirmed that they will be going. I have already had some close friends say that they won't be able to make it which makes me sad but I understand that people have their own things going on. My shower is in 2 weeks and I checked my gift registry online and nothing has been purchased yet! I'm afraid I am not going to get anything of my registry!! There is alot of things that I still need on there for LO
OP sorry you are bummed. I have about 60 people on my guest list too. You have to focus on who came and how fun it was, not on what disappointed you. Bad habit to pass on :.
Just because your registry is not showing certain things were purchased does not mean that people are not buying those items for you. The registry would only update if someone purchased it on-line while looking at your registry, or they gave the registry to the casier to scan when checking out at the store. It's possible people are looking at your registry before going shopping, deciding what they are going to get, and then just get it at the store; or someone could have found an identical item elsewhere for a better price.
All that said, if not everything gets bought for you for your showers, you just buy them yourself. Problem solved.
Seeing your family different is a part of growing up- and by growing up I don't mean that anyone is young/immature, I mean that as you go through life experiences you see things differently. Once you're married your parents aren't your go-to for support anymore, your SO is. They become a little more removed as you go through major milestones. Having a baby is a HUGE deal- to you. It affects your parents somewhat, but at the end of the day it's your baby- trust me, after LO gets here and rolls over for the first time you are going to shout from the rooftops. And more than likely, no one will really care, they will seem excited for you, but it doesn't affect them the same way it does you.
I hope that doesn't sound insensitive or anything, but I really struggled at first and then I realized it was normal. And if you think people are absent with your first, wait until your second. And 10 people at your shower is a good turnout, yeah you invited 45 but to me that's a ton of people. With DD I had three showers total, one at work with about 10 people, one with my family that had 15, and then my MIL's church friends threw one and that was probably closer to 20 people.
You can't judge if people care for your child based on if they show up to bring you a present.
Well yes I would buy those items myself if they don't get purchased, just like I have bought everything else that I have needed so far.
Sorry your feelings got hurt. That does suck, and I feel your pain a bit I am having a shower this weekend that my mom is throwing, and she says hardly anybody has RSVP'd ... I kind of feel responsible for that though.. my mom has arthritis in her hands, and asked me to fill out the invitations and I put the wrong date.*facepalm* I wrote 3/3/2013 instead of 2/3/2013 lol. But i did write please RSVP 1/27/2013 and email and text everyone I invited so who knows. To be honest I think I will feel worse for my mom than for me if no one shows up she has put so much work and money into this shower. And as some of the other ladies said what matters is the day you had and the special ppl you were surrounded by 10 ppl is still a good amount of ppl. As for the grandparents who showed up late and did not stay to long...well my MIL keeps saying she would have thrown me a shower, but it is truly improper for family to do so. She also refused to help my mom with it whatsoever...
OP, I totally understand your anxiety - as much as we shouldn't compare ourselves to others, it's hard not to. The last baby shower I went to before I got pregnant was for my best friend from high school - and her mom put together a huge deal at a restaurant, I would say about 50 people showed up. Tons of people from church, around the community, and five or six aunts/grandmoms.
When my MIL offered to throw me my own shower, I started to worry immediately that mine would be a total bust compared to the other showers I attended. Both sides of my extended family are too dysfunctional to even explain - and my husband's family is extremely small. Plus, I live about five hours from where I grew up, I'm one of the last of my peers from home to have kids, and I worried that my friends with toddlers just wouldn't be able to come. I really need support right now from those around me and I think my fears and anxiety were just manifested in worrying about the head count for the shower.
I will say - my fears were largely unwarranted and I bet yours are too. But more importantly? Some of the best and kindest support I've gotten in these last few weeks are from people who weren't able to come to the shower. So you will find people reaching out in different ways. Don't worry. *hugs*
As I said before I am prepared to buy what I need myself!! Just like I have already done. Who doesn't hope they get some things off their registry to save them a little exspense??!!
Here's the thing, it's just a shower. THIS is not the important part, the actual baby is the important part.