suggestion for sharing with family who have experienced loss

kakhmama · January 2013

Just thought I would share and see what your thoughts were.

My DHs cousin and his wife lost their one month old in a tragic accident almost 2 years ago.

They are a precious couple full of love and i know they will be supportive. I'm just wondering if I should send them an email or even call them before doing a blanket announcement.

I love them and just want to be respectful of the way they find out.

Your thoughts?

LnR70707 · January 2013

I think it is always a nice gesture to give a heads up in an email for situations like this. It gives them time to process their feelings in private and not feel put on the spot.

stephaniel142002 · January 2013

Agreed. Although whether it be in person or before everyone it will probably stir up their emotions anyways. I would tell them in person.

RocksInTheWater · January 2013

I would probably send your cousin an email. While it might seem impersonal, I think it gives them the chance to process the information without having to think of a response right away. I am sure it will be hard for your cousin but she will most likely also be happy for you.

MrsPrichard · January 2013

My best friend had a miscarriage last month - which is a different situation entirely, but still a loss. I wrote her a letter, starting with how sad I am for her before transitioning to tell her my news. I specifically said I wanted to tell her that way so she could react however she needed to, and I knew how hard it might be for her, and closed with telling her to take all the time she needed before calling me. Based on her reaction, I think that was definitely the way to go. I just thought a letter was a little more formal than an email would be, and also she didn't risk reading it at work or on her phone when she was out and about - I told her to read it at home.

RunningGal900 · January 2013

LoriMc12:
I would probably send your cousin an email. While it might seem impersonal, I think it gives them the chance to process the information without having to think of a response right away. I am sure it will be hard for your cousin but she will most likely also be happy for you.

I agree. My situation is different (two early miscarriages), but honestly having to react to a friend telling me she was pregnant (she knew about both losses) a week after my second m/c was one of the most awkward situations of my life. It would have been nice to be able to react without being put on the spot like that.

nbcarlson · January 2013

A heads up would be very appreciated I am sure. It is so thoughtful of you to think of them bedore you do the big announcement.

csspencer · January 2013

I agree, giving tjem a heads up before you announce would be very senstive to their loss. I probably wouldn't call, maybe send a letter or email, so they can have time to process it before having to talk to you. Being the one greiving, and having to pretend on the phone that everything is perfectly fine and that they are happy for you, is tough. Even if they are 100% happy for you, it's still hard to be happy right away.

LAMCH1980 · January 2013

MrsPrichard:
My best friend had a miscarriage last month - which is a different situation entirely, but still a loss. I wrote her a letter, starting with how sad I am for her before transitioning to tell her my news. I specifically said I wanted to tell her that way so she could react however she needed to, and I knew how hard it might be for her, and closed with telling her to take all the time she needed before calling me. Based on her reaction, I think that was definitely the way to go. I just thought a letter was a little more formal than an email would be, and also she didn't risk reading it at work or on her phone when she was out and about - I told her to read it at home.

I think this is a really sensitive way to approach this. I also like that she thought about where they might read it. An email can be opened up at work or on a phone anywhere really and might catch them off-guard.

No matter what you do, it seems you are a great friend for putting some thought into this. So many people get caught up in their own emotions that they forget about how others might process the information.

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