random question about playdates when your kids are young

MrsMommyQ · January 2013

I have a bunch of friends who have kids close in age to DD. Two moms in particular constantly say "let's get together" but never ever invite us over.

In both cases I had each mom and their kids over 2 times---once when I provided dinner and once when I provided lunch--and neither one has reciprocated at all. They just keep saying "let's get together" (on FB and via text).

What do you say back to that? I'm not saying it has to be 100% equal and every single time I have them over, they have to reciprocate, but I do think they should reciprocate once in a while. With each of these moms I'm starting to feel like they are taking advantage of me by coming over, wrecking my house, eating my food and then leaving and hoping to come back and do it all again. (One of the moms I'm talking about is a bit worse than the other. She has 2 kids and they were so bad last time they were here. There was mashed up food all over the place after they left, they were jumping on my furniture, touching stuff they shouldn't be touching...it was a nightmare.)

For now I've been sort of vague, saying "yes let's get together" and leaving it at that.

Just wondering what others do when they find themselves in this situation. Are you more direct?

tarebear9891 · January 2013

Arrange play dates in public places like a park. Maybe they will get the picture eventually and invite you over.

MarSamWhitney · January 2013

I would probably just say something like 'Let me know, we are free on tuesdays usually". If you feel like they are taking advantage of you and the kids are too wild, I wouldnt bother having them back over unless you can plan something outside.

klondikebar · January 2013

"Let me know where you want to meet out at." Once the weather cooperates, just suggest the park if you want the kids to play together.

PrincessFiona9 · January 2013

I have a couple of girlfriends who I've done playdates with. I always prefer they come to my house. I don't mind a mess; I'm just such a homebody that I prefer to be in my home. My BFF and I have DDs that are 3 months apart in age, and of course we don't mind cooking for each other or taking turns buying food. I don't really hang out with people who are just acquaintances.

Arnegard · January 2013

tarebear9891:
Arrange play dates in public places like a park. Maybe they will get the picture eventually and invite you over.

Ditto. Indoor play parks are great too.

I rarely invite people over and honestly not at meal time.

[Deleted User] · January 2013

Yeah, I'm sure the look on your face about wrecking your house didn't shine through at all. I'm also pretty sure that the reason they don't want to do a playdate at their house is the exact same reason.

A playdate can/should be fun. It isn't a luncheon date. Go to the park or sumshit. Stop making this difficult.

I have a few good friends with kids P's age. We will do a playdate here & there at each other's houses, but it is so much easier to go somewhere. Also, I'd be kinda pissed if there was a bunch of stuff out that mu kid wasn't supposed to touch. It isn't grandmas place.

MrsCodeMonkey · January 2013

Some people might be hesitant to host depending on the state of their house. I have a mom friend that I have known over a year and have just been to her house for the first time yesterday. She's been to ours at least a dozen of times.

I also have two mom friends who rotate who hosts playdates and everyone brings snacks for an informal brunch. It's fun and the kids are pretty good. If you still like to host you can ask others to bring food and you can provide beverages. You can't force someone to reciprocate and host. I feel your pain, though. It takes work to host a bunch of kids. Once it's warmer, picnics at the park is where it's at.

quidditchcapn1120 · January 2013

I don't invite people to my place often because my house is kinda far away from most of my friends and I enjoy not having to get it "company ready" often. My other friends, however, seem to enjoy hosting get togethers. We keep going as log as they invite us because we assume they enjoy our company as well as hosting social events.

That being said, I think you are putting too much stock in play dates. Don't host a big lunch or dinner, unless you really want to. Meet at a park or indoor play place, socialize and let your kids so their things and then leave with no clean up, no overhead cost, etc.

When I do invite people over to my house, FWIW, I do so without any expectations of reciprocation. I just do it because I want people to come over and to enjoy their company.

klondikebar · January 2013

Does your library have playtime? Every other Friday after lunch, our has an open playtime for LOs. They have simple crafts, bring out puppets and have bubbles. LOs can play with other kids without having to schedule a playdate.

LoveBeingAWife33008 · January 2013

I don't feed other people. Play dates are for playing, not eating.

KJmashup · January 2013

GhostMonkey:
With a vague response like that, I would question if you really meant it.Are you completely leaving it up to them to make the plans?
"Sounds great! Let me know when you have a time and date!"

Yes. I know this because I do it on purpose. I am vague with my replies because I am a recluse with no social skills. I feel bad for my son, though. I'm going to have to get over it quickly.

insertclevername · January 2013

If you don't want to do playdates at your house then just ask where they want to meet up. Suggest meeting at the local library for storytime or an indoor play area while the weather is still iffy.

I don't mind having playdates at my house, but if you do, then don't offer to have them at your house anymore. I also understand people not wanting playdates at their houses. I know my one friend has two dogs and a small house, so she prefers not to have people over. I am ok with that. Yesterday her, her H and her son brought breakfast to our place.

MrsMommyQ · January 2013

sofamonkey:
A playdate can/should be fun. It isn't a luncheon date. Go to the park or sumshit. Stop making this difficult.
I have a few good friends with kids P's age. We will do a playdate here & there at each other's houses, but it is so much easier to go somewhere. Also, I'd be kinda pissed if there was a bunch of stuff out that mu kid wasn't supposed to touch. It isn't grandmas place.

I said that I had friends with kids DDs age. So I'm having them over to see MY friends as much as I'm having them here for DD to play with their kids. So yea, it WAS also a lunch date.

Secondly, the kids were banging on the tv. I'm pretty flucking sure they all tvs at home and know not to touch that.

[Deleted User] · January 2013

MrsMommyQ:
sofamonkey:
A playdate can/should be fun. It isn't a luncheon date. Go to the park or sumshit. Stop making this difficult.
I have a few good friends with kids P's age. We will do a playdate here & there at each other's houses, but it is so much easier to go somewhere. Also, I'd be kinda pissed if there was a bunch of stuff out that mu kid wasn't supposed to touch. It isn't grandmas place.
I said that I had friends with kids DDs age. So I'm having them over to see MY friends as much as I'm having them here for DD to play with their kids. So yea, it WAS also a lunch date.
Secondly, the kids were banging on the tv. I'm pretty flucking sure they all tvs at home and know not to touch that.

Wow, you have a shiit attitude.

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