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December 2010 Moms
OhSewCrafty
member
Sensitive kid?
OhSewCrafty
member
I used to joke about it, but C is turning out to be quite the sensitive/cautious kid. He's not shy, but he is the classic definition of introverted. We were at a party today and he about lost his shiit when the other kids wouldn't leave him alone to read the book he had. He loves to play and interact, but when he's done he has a very hard time keeping it together. I tried to pull him away from the party to an empty room for some quiet time, but it was too late - he was done with it all.
I'm not an introverted person at all (DH is though) so I have no idea how to help him. I don't want to change him because its not a bad thing, but its hard to explain to other people - especially when their kids are super outgoing/loud and will adapt to anything.
Any thoughts/advice?
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Re: Sensitive kid?
Does he give any signs that he's about to be "done" socializing, so that maybe you can remove him from the group beforehand? (I'm kind of comparing it to when you put down a newborn to sleep before they get too tired so that they go down easier.)
Or maybe remove him from the group intermittently for small amounts of time so that he's more willing to socialize the rest of the time?
We're still learning his cues, but we're also trying to teach him to regulate it himself (which is no easy task for most adults, no less a toddler). He does a good job at home (he'll just play alone if things get too busy), but while we're out at someone's house its a little harder.
Ginny DX 21-Hydroxylase Deficiency Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia
Charlie DX Specific Antibody Deficiency & ASD
I think you know that Jack is extremely shy and has a lot of anxiety around new people, crowded places, and when people get in his 'bubble'. He is really observant and likes to make an assessment about things before he tries it.
I used to worry a lot about how I should explain it to people. Then I realized that they don't need to explain their outgoing, loud, oblivious child to me. So I stopped explaining, I just let Jack be Jack. When I started doing that I realized that the only one who even really noticed or cared all that much was me! At least that's how it was in our situation.
I always explain to him what is going to happen when we go somewhere I think he might have trouble. He comprehends it pretty well, and it seems to help a lot. But I also keep a close eye on him and try to remove him from the situation or help him out before he gets too upset. He can't really tell people to leave him alone right now, so I do it for him. If other kids don't understand I just say "Jack needs some space right now."
I know that Charlie isn't as extreme as Jack is, but hopefully that helps a little!
I think the key is really going to be learning his cues - you're right. I haven't tried explaining things to Charlie like you mentioned, but maybe that will help. At the moment, Charlie's way of telling people he needs space is by pushing them away with his foot. lol
Ginny DX 21-Hydroxylase Deficiency Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia
Charlie DX Specific Antibody Deficiency & ASD
Wow. He sounds a lot like me! I'm an extrovert but I find that in large groups where there is a lot going on, I get overwhelmed by others' energy. Every once in awhile I have to go outside or to the bathroom for a couple of minutes to regroup.
At his age, I would do intermittent breaks that you impose. You are doing the right thing by recognizing that he needs his space and taking him somewhere quiet, but he might be a little young to realize when he needs it. I know my kiddo gets distracted while playing away from home and forgets his needs (potty, eat, drink etc). I imagine your DS would get distracted and then 'forget' he needs space until he's already overwhelmed. That's why I think it would help him if you could impose the breaks until he's better able to regulate it.
Good Luck!
I think my DD is an introvert as well. DH seems to think that she's just a spoiled only child, but there are a lot of introverts in our family.
I think Halo had the best advice, but really I just try to do what works best for us. At the moment, I have the luxury of deciding who cares for her (she doesn't have to go to a large daycare) so I choose what activities we do, outings, parties etc. that I think she will actually enjoy.
Yes. I second everything that Halo said. I am an introvert myself. However, I really enjoy being around people and did as a child as well. I became good at burying myself in a book or separating myself when I needed a little space. Charlie isn't old enough to do that so you will have to give him some separation every now and then.
I have the opposite problem. G is not an introvert. He's also not a crazy in your face kid. He just really really likes people. He's making me interact more. I don't like it. LOL
First, I'm going to say ditto to all the good advice halo gave.
Our DS is a classic introvert too, but DH and I both are as well, so I think that helps because we're in synch to some degree. DS tends to have a harder time warming up in new situations, so we try to let him ease into new situations gradually. I hadn't really thought too much about giving him breaks, but I think that's something we tend to do anyways because DH and I need them too! If we're out somewhere being active, we tend to stop for a snack and/or beverage. If we're someplace crowded like a party, we're more likely to take a quick walk outside or find a quiet place where DS can read or watch a movie. Like pps said, I think it's just a matter of keeping an eye out and reading his cues.
P.S. - "Raising Your Spirited Child" has a great section about introverted children. I highly, highly recommend it. I also like "Quiet: the Power of Introverts" but it's geared more toward adults and older children.