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Venting, stupid human comments

precious72381precious72381 member
in Infertility
Why is it that people think if you haven't had your own children you can just adopt them? I have nothing against adoption, don't misunderstand me, my husband is adopted, but why is this their answer! I want my own biological children too!! I want to give that to my husband who is adopted, his own bloodline. My favorite is when asked about Ivf, we don't have the money now to do another cycle and still paying off the other cycles, and people say you can adopt! Adoption isn't free!!! In fact it seems to cost more than an Ivf cycle! Plus, I have been getting my body ready for pg over three years, eating healthy, taking prenatal vitamins, etc. and I am supposed to be able to jump into the idea of adoption, no idea what the mother who wants to give up her baby has been through! I hope I didn't offend anyone, I just wanted to vent! I was told that again last night at a party and finally just said to the person, it isn't free, it isn't like picking out a puppy at the pound! There are wait list and the girls can change their minds. And I haven't given up yet the chance to have my own children!!!! Okay, vent done!!!!

I'm 33 DH is 36 
Married 6/27/2009 Together since 10/22/2005
TTC since 8/2010 (off BCP since 8/2009) Unexplained Infertility
8/2011, 1/2012, 3/2012 IUI #1-3 BFN 
6/2012 IVF#1 BFN, 8/2012 IVF#2 FET BFN, 11/2012 IVF#3 BFP
12/10/2012 U/S #1 6w4d - heartbeat  EDD 8/1/13 
12/26/2012 U/S #2 8w6d - No more heartbeat, MMC; D&C; Chromosome testing normal; male :( RPL testing normal 
4/3/2013 DX Asherman's Syndrome caused by D&C, hysteroscopy done
June 2013 IVF #4 planned 
5/12/2013 SURPRISE BFP! Natural cycle 
7/11/2013 Panorama results Normal!!! Team Pink, partial previa moved up in 2nd tri9/5/13 (19w) AS scan shows short cervix, 2.5 cm 9/19 (21w)  Cervix is worse 1.87cm, bed rest 10/26 & 10/27 steroid shots 12/19 (35w) DX: SGA Baby went from 57% percentile to 18th percentile in 6 weeks. Weekly BPP and NST until she is here. 1/17/18 Growth scan puts Abby below 10th percent in size, low amniotic fluid, and less movement. Time to induce!
1/18/14 2:11am Abigial Morgan is here! 5lbs 14oz and 18 inches of pure cuteness!!!

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Re: Venting, stupid human comments

  • jezebel57jezebel57 member
    Vent away, I completely agree.  People have this thought that it's so easy to adopt and doesn't cost much at all.  I also have nothing against adoption and would totally do it (my brother is adopted).  I believe in it wholeheartedly.  But I would like to have a biological child also.  And if I can't, then I would like to experience pregnancy with an adopted embryo.  It's frustrating because adoption often costs much more than IVF.  Sorry you were frustrated so early in the morning! 
    Me (37) DH (39); PCOS changed to Unexplained, changed to DOR in 2012 (finally a correct diagnosis!); 
    Started TTC 2009 with RE after 6 months.  
    Clomid + Trigger x2; 
    IUI + Femara x1,
    IUI + Follistim x2;
    IVF #1 (MDL) February 2013- BFN.
    IVF #2 (antagonist) May 2013, First BFP of my life. 
    Identical twin miracle BOYS (!!) headed our way- due date is technically 2/4/14 but c section is scheduled for 1/7! 


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  • melkel559melkel559 member
    Ugh totally agree!!!! I am adopted so I obviously have nothing against it either but also would like to experience pregnancy and have a biological child (even it can't be biological for both DH and I, we agreed a child at least related to one of us is what we are most comfortable with right now). It is funny how people just assume that it is such an easy process. My parents had to wait 5 years for me and went through a grueling process and that was 32 years ago... My father-in-law made the stupidest comment ever to us as we were telling him for the first time about our infertility struggles. After I finished crying about how much we wanted a biological child of our own, and how IVF is what we decided, he tells us a story about a friend who adopted a baby addicted to crack, that it was way cheaper and easier, that the baby was healthy eventually and the government even chipped in money somehow..blah blah blah...I wanted to slap him across the face. This is the answer?! I am sorry for your troubles, but just adopt a crack baby and all will be fine?!! Ugh. People seriously just don't get it. I am so happy you stood up for yourself and gave that person a cold hard dose of reality!
    TTC since June 2011
    DX: DH (30) severe MFI, severely low count & low motility
    Me (32): all clear
    Appt with Urologist 5/21/12: exam, ultrasound, bloodwork all normal.
    Testicular Biopsy with TESE on 6/8/12. good sperm found! (left side only) froze sperm, failed thaw test :(
    Orientation for IVF/ICSI on 6/13/12. Waiting for the green light following biopsy results...results show adequate sperm production both sides.
    2nd SA 6/18/12: sample is "adequate for ICSI"
    Plan: IVF/ICSI July 2012!
    ER: 7/26/12. 15 eggs retrieved, all mature.
    TESE/TESA/aspiration from epididymis, no motile sperm found :(
    froze all eggs, the saga of praying for good sperm continues.
    8/3/12: 2nd opinion from MFI uro on biopsy slides. Suspects "partial late maturation arrest."
    Plan: more SAs, third biopsy/TESE with frozen back-up either from DH or DS.
    SA 8/17/12: Zero sperm
    SA 8/23/12: Zero sperm
    9/26/12: SPERM FOUND! 15 eggs thawed, 12 survived and were ICSI'd, only 3 fertilized normally. Refrozen as embies and will thaw in Nov. Please survive and grow!
    All 3 survived the thaw on 11/15/12!
    FET 11/17/12: transferred 2, one 4B, one 4C. Beta 11/30:BFFN
    moving on to DS
    DIUI#1 2/18/13,50mg Clomid cd 3-7, Ovidrel trigger, Beta 3/4/13: BFN.
    DIUI#2 3/19/13, 50 mg Clomid cd 3-7, Ovidrel trigger, Beta #1 (14dpiui) 4/2/13: BFP!!!! 150. Beta #2 4/4/13: 420 Beta #3 4/8/13: 2691. Beta #4 4/15/13: 15,086
    1st u/s 4/8/13 shows one gestational sac
    2nd u/s 4/15/13 shows yolk sac, fetal pole and early heartbeat
    3rd u/s 4/25/13: measuring right on track. Heart rate 148 bpm
    A/S 7/22/13: IT'S A BOY!!
    PAIF/SAIF Always Welcome
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  • precious72381precious72381 member
    Just what you always wanted, a crack baby and government assistance! Sounds like a dream coming true! Ugh, people don't get it! You both said exactly my thought, yes I want a baby, but really want to experience pregnancy too, that part is hard to give up and so is the idea of giving up having biological children! Glad others agree. Thanks for sharing!

    I'm 33 DH is 36 
    Married 6/27/2009 Together since 10/22/2005
    TTC since 8/2010 (off BCP since 8/2009)     Unexplained Infertility
    8/2011, 1/2012, 3/2012 IUI #1-3 BFN 
    6/2012 IVF#1 BFN, 8/2012 IVF#2 FET BFN, 11/2012 IVF#3 BFP
    12/10/2012 U/S #1 6w4d - heartbeat  EDD 8/1/13 
    12/26/2012 U/S #2 8w6d - No more heartbeat, MMC; D&C; Chromosome testing normal; male :( RPL testing normal 
    4/3/2013 DX Asherman's Syndrome caused by D&C, hysteroscopy done
    June 2013 IVF #4 planned 
    5/12/2013 SURPRISE BFP! Natural cycle 
    7/11/2013 Panorama results Normal!!! Team Pink, partial previa moved up in 2nd tri9/5/13 (19w) AS scan shows short cervix, 2.5 cm 9/19 (21w)  Cervix is worse 1.87cm, bed rest 10/26 & 10/27 steroid shots 12/19 (35w) DX: SGA Baby went from 57% percentile to 18th percentile in 6 weeks. Weekly BPP and NST until she is here. 1/17/18 Growth scan puts Abby below 10th percent in size, low amniotic fluid, and less movement. Time to induce!
    1/18/14 2:11am Abigial Morgan is here! 5lbs 14oz and 18 inches of pure cuteness!!!

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  • NYCGal276NYCGal276 member
    :-(  I'm sorry people suck!  For what it's worth people in my world suck, too!  You just have to remember the source - people are just trying to make things "better" - solution focused.  Also, keep in mind if you're talking to your in-laws, they have their own "baggage" about adoption - don't take it personally.  It's their stuff.
    TTC#1
    Dx PCOS @ 16y.o
    9/2011: unplanned natural conception and MC @ 6weeks Cycle 1: 12/2012: TI & 2000MG Metformin & 100MG Clomid = CP
    Functional Cyst - fixed with 2wks BCP
    Cycle 2: 1/31/13: IUI #1
    Meds:2000MG Metformin, 100MG Clomid, HSG/Trigger, Provera 400mg 2DPIUI
    Stats: SA 20mil & 63% mot/follicles (as per 1/30 u/s): 22, 13, 14
    BFP! Beta #1 13DPiui: 79! Beta #2 15DPiui: 164! Beta#3 19DPIUI: 773! First US scheduled 3/5! EDD Oct 23!
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    S/PAIF Welcome - You girls give me HOPE!
    Herbal Supplements: 1800mg NAC, Fish Oil, Vitamin D, Baby Asprin, Folguard, Multivitamin
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  • zazu13zazu13 member

    Sorry :( People are dumb. Another thing to consider is age.  We have a limited amount of time for a biological child. Most of us want to pursue it while it's still an option. Im open  to adoption too, but i dont have a limited time for that like i do with my eggs getting old.

    I like the puppy analogy. So true... Sorry for your loss. I hope you get your miracle soon!

    Age: 35 TTC since 2005, MFI & DOR 

    IVF #1 Sep '11 - canceled poor response

     IVF #2 Nov '11  8R/8M/4F 3dt x2 - chemical

    IVF #3 April '12  11R/6M/4F 3dt x2 - m/c

    FET #1 Aug 2012  3dt x2 - BFN

    **new RE**

     IVF #4 Jan '13 BFN 11R/6M/6F 5dt x2 - BFN

     IVF #5 July '13 16R/10M/10F 5dt x2 + 1 frostie

    9dp5dt Beta 1 = 344!! 16dp5dt. Beta 2 = 4822 7wk u/s= 2 heartbeats!

    Twin girls! 3/6/14

     

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  • BellaLuxBellaLux member
    Most times it's pure ignorance! More often than not, folk that make these comments have never even researched adoption, IVF...heck they're not even dealing with IF, so they don't know. I often respond "why don't you adopt"?

    ~TTC#1 Since July 2011~ 
    Dx: Fibroids & Tubal Infertility
                                                        9/12 -IVF#1 =BFN; 5/14 -IVF#2=BFP:-) EDD 2.19.2015                                                

    S/PAIF Welcome 





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  • precious72381precious72381 member
    LOL!!! Exactly what I think...need to say that! "Why don't you adopt!" love it!

    I'm 33 DH is 36 
    Married 6/27/2009 Together since 10/22/2005
    TTC since 8/2010 (off BCP since 8/2009)     Unexplained Infertility
    8/2011, 1/2012, 3/2012 IUI #1-3 BFN 
    6/2012 IVF#1 BFN, 8/2012 IVF#2 FET BFN, 11/2012 IVF#3 BFP
    12/10/2012 U/S #1 6w4d - heartbeat  EDD 8/1/13 
    12/26/2012 U/S #2 8w6d - No more heartbeat, MMC; D&C; Chromosome testing normal; male :( RPL testing normal 
    4/3/2013 DX Asherman's Syndrome caused by D&C, hysteroscopy done
    June 2013 IVF #4 planned 
    5/12/2013 SURPRISE BFP! Natural cycle 
    7/11/2013 Panorama results Normal!!! Team Pink, partial previa moved up in 2nd tri9/5/13 (19w) AS scan shows short cervix, 2.5 cm 9/19 (21w)  Cervix is worse 1.87cm, bed rest 10/26 & 10/27 steroid shots 12/19 (35w) DX: SGA Baby went from 57% percentile to 18th percentile in 6 weeks. Weekly BPP and NST until she is here. 1/17/18 Growth scan puts Abby below 10th percent in size, low amniotic fluid, and less movement. Time to induce!
    1/18/14 2:11am Abigial Morgan is here! 5lbs 14oz and 18 inches of pure cuteness!!!

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