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Two Under 2
When is right for baby #2
I gave birth to my first child in November and have never been happier! It's always been my plan to have my children close in age. After speaking with some mothers, I've been told have them as soon as you can because as stressful as it is when they are teeny tiny, it pays off when they can entertain each other and when going places they are the same age and will enjoy the same things. What is everyone's opinion on a good age gap for children?
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Re: When is right for baby #2
I don't have advice, but thank you for posting this! I had my first in October (I didn't think anyone who had their first after me would want another one this soon. Glad I'm not alone!), and my husband and I are discussing when it would be the right time to have LO #2.
It took us 5 months to get pregnant last time, and I want them no more than 2.5 years apart, so we are probably going to start trying this month, since I will be okay with it if they are 13 months apart (if I get pregnant on our first try).
My brother and I are 11 months apart, but we were adopted from different families and I was adopted as a newborn, and my brother was 8 months old when we adopted him, so my (adoptive) mom didn't have a one year old and a newborn, she had a 1.5 year old and an 8 month old, which I think would be easier than a one year old and a newborn.
I don't think there's a good/bad age gap. I think there are benefits and downfalls of every spacing. Here's a quick run down of what I've personally experienced/seen with my friends. Of course, this isn't always how it will be--you could have kids 12 months apart that are horrible playmates and kids 5 years apart that play well together since personality plays a huge role. Speaking generally though--
2u2 benefits: Older child too young to "get it"; less likely to experience jealousy. Kids play with the same toys and have similar interests which is helpful in nurturing sibling relationship.
2u2 disadvantage: two babies at once, 2 kids in college at the same time.
2ish-4ish years apart benefits: Older child is a little more helpful and self sufficient but they're still close enough to play together well.
Disadvantages: Older child more likely to regress on skills/experience jealousy. Pregnancy with toddler challenging.
Over 4 years apart benefits: One on one time with second child while oldest is in school. Oldest less likely to be jealous and helpful. Really "gets it".
Over years apart disadvantages: Kids are at different stages at different times which makes it a challenge to parent them as well as more challenging for them to relate/play as young children.
It's true that there is no right answer. 2u2 works for some, not others.
You really need to consider how involved your spouse. Mom shouldn't, but CAN, essentially do it all when you're talking about just one kid or your oldest is independent. But 2u2 means two BABIES. It really does. You can't do it all yourself.
The PP was absolutely correct when she said that you are caring for two BABIES with 2u2. It can be extremely challenging at times. I'd be lying if I said I didn't find myself in tears many times throughout that first year, LOL. Now that both of my kids are a bit older, things are starting to settle down somewhat. The girls really do play together pretty well and I totally love that we had them so close together. I think it's going to be even more fun in the future. I will say that if we decide to have a 3rd child, we will be spacing them out a bit more this time.
My only recommendation is to wait until your baby is mobile to decide if you want to go for 2u2. Once they can crawl, it's a whole new ballgame!
Good luck with whatever you decide!