Question for those with older kids too

Re: Question for those with older kids too

• mbgreenwalt member

  January 2013

  LalaMama81:

  I am trying to teach DD1 that DD2 doesn't quite understand sharing yet so if she wants to play w/ something alone she needs to go somewhere DD2 can't get to her. I am teaching DD2 gentle touch and I take things back from her that she steals. 

  I don't do any kind of TO yet w/ DD2 b/c she is too  young, IMO. I distract and redirect her but I also am trying to let them work some things out if possible. Life isn't fair and DD1 is learning that b/c DD2 is just too little to play fairly.

  We're doing the same.  DD1 has to go sit at the kitchen table if she is playing with something she's not willing to share.  I've been actually trying to get DD1 to move and tell DD2 "be nice".
  

  We're just doing a lot of redirecting.  When DD2 is hitting DD1, I take her hand and tell her to "be gentle/be nice" and then move her to a different area.
  

  
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• memali26 member

  January 2013

  Pretty much what the others said. We're really working with DD1 on telling her sister things like, "please don't hit, use gentle touches" instead of screeching and yelling at her. In just the last week or two DD1 has also started to help redirect DD2 - if DD2 steals something from her, DD1 will take it back but offer DD2 something else to play with. I still have to get involved most of the time, especially when there is hitting involved, and usually tell DD2 "be gentle" or "that's DD1's toy, let's play with this" and move her away.

  Mama to two sweet girls
  DD1 Feb 2010
  DD2 Sept 2011
  
  
  

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• mittensonkittens member

  January 2013

  I say NO and scoop up DS2 for a baby time out. I basically just sit him down on the floor in the next room and walk away. He gets up and comes back, but it distracts him from whatever they were fighting over and it shows DS1 that we aren't going to let his brother hurt him.

  Formerly known as ms.mittens Jude 12/31/2008 Ezra 2/10/2011 Nora 7/23/2013

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• dragon_chica member

  January 2013

  mbgreenwalt:

  LalaMama81:

  I am trying to teach DD1 that DD2 doesn't quite understand sharing yet so if she wants to play w/ something alone she needs to go somewhere DD2 can't get to her. I am teaching DD2 gentle touch and I take things back from her that she steals. 

  I don't do any kind of TO yet w/ DD2 b/c she is too  young, IMO. I distract and redirect her but I also am trying to let them work some things out if possible. Life isn't fair and DD1 is learning that b/c DD2 is just too little to play fairly.

  We're doing the same.  DD1 has to go sit at the kitchen table if she is playing with something she's not willing to share.  I've been actually trying to get DD1 to move and tell DD2 "be nice".
  

  We're just doing a lot of redirecting.  When DD2 is hitting DD1, I take her hand and tell her to "be gentle/be nice" and then move her to a different area.
  

  Ditto all of this.  If we serve DD her food first I'll suggest she sit at our table instead of hers so it's out of DS's reach.  Today at a kid birthday party DD got an Ariel balloon made for her and I suggested that we leave it on the floor of the car so DS didn't try and take it.  She then came up with the idea to keep it on the side of her carseat farthest from DS so I let it go.  We also continue to remind her that he's still a baby and doesn't fully understand how to share and be gentle.  We explain that we have to keep teaching him and that includes her as the big sister. 

  Ditto the others about TO.  Your child is too young to fully understand the concept of a TO.  I always think it's a load of crap when parents think their 15 month truly understands when they're put in a TO.  Unless their child is a genius that should not be developmentally able to understand it yet. Just keep redirecting and preventing the situation.  Foresee possible conflict and avoid it as much as possible.  But, in the end it will happen and both kids need to learn how to deal with the situation because soon enough your LOs may have to face this with a non-relative.
  

  

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• Jelliebean1982

  January 2013

  If this was just a one time thing where he hits, I redirect, and he forgets about it and goes merrily on his little way I wouldn't be posting about TO. Redirection does NOT work. We have used it in the past but DS is a tenacious guy. We are encountering a situation where DD will be playing with something that DS is allowed to have (she knows to play with her stuff on the table or during a nap) but DS is coming up to her unprovoked and hitting her with some type of hard toy to make her move. Usually the toy he hits her with is one of the dozen battery powered light up fairy wands we have and I've tried removing them but DS will resort to other things, like pretend food pans to hit her with. When I've redirected and removed the hitting object he's just gone and found something else to hit her with. He says sorry after a TO and will tell us there's an owie and kiss it. But I can't imagine telling my kids that this behavior is acceptable by not doing anything about it when I see that DS has an intent to hurt DD. It is also not fair to DD either if she sees that he gets away with everything just because he doesn't understand. If he is old enough to hit with the intent to hurt then he is old enough to learn that I will do something about it. I'm wondering if anyone else has any other suggestions that have worked, like coaching your older child on what to do or how you taught your younger child to ask for things. Or even how long it took doing TO before there was a difference in behavior.

  
  

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