And we are done, for now.

firesiren · January 2013

DH threw a hissy fit today over having to do a counseling session because of DS. He said we weren't prepared and nothing was going right, which it isn't. So I called and canceled our cycle. I'm a sobbing mess. I've been in bed all day. I'm so pi**ed at DH, but arguing with him won't do any good. If we cycle now and it's a BFN it will be all my fault. So I'm washing my hands of it. I'm not making any appointments. He can do it. So I'm thinking we won't be cycling for a long time.

On the plus side, we did do our session. Only cause they wouldn't let us cancel cause it was less than 24 hours. The counselor brought up some good things. And even DH later said he was glad we did it.

He told me to call a start our cycle again.... He can pack sand. If he wants it he can call.

I'll be here cheering everyone on. I so want this to work for all of you!

((HUGS))

jezebel57 · January 2013

oh wow, i'm so sorry you've been going through this! you sound like myself and my husband to me- but i always cave and would end up calling because he's too proud to do something he said he wouldn't.

hope you get it figured out soon and do something you are both happy with. thanks for staying to cheer everyone on... sending you positive thoughts as well...

Italian'sMrs · January 2013

I am sorry for you that there were all these things that go wrong even in IF. I have been in similar situations. I also feel like as women we are the ones doing a lot of the work in this! I know how you feel with saying he can call. We are using DS also. Our first RE didn't make us go to a counseling session. We switched to a new RE for cost and they did. I also feel like I am doing all the work. I've been up since 4 am this morning, drove 1hr 10 min to the dr for a monitoring session, drove 1.5 hours to work, and then worked a 10 hour day and commuted home. It's such a frustrating time and so busy. BTW, this will be my DH and I's last cycle too.

I hope you and your DH get a cycle up and running soon if you decide to continue. Good luck with everything!

firesiren · January 2013

My thing is, he gets annoyed by everything. If you don't like when I schedule things do it yourself. Nobody said it was going to be easy. This is our last cycle also. If it doesn't work , we are buying a Harley...

pbj1975 · January 2013

Oh honey! I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope you and your husband find a way to help each other through this. Sending hugs!

Gr8te · January 2013

Maybe you'll change your mind tomorrow. I know you're upset and tired, but a new day might bring a new perspective. If you think you might regret canceling the cycle...I wouldn't let a phone call stand in my way. Follow your heart. Lots of ((HUGS))

cupcake201 · January 2013

Ugh I'm sorry you're going through this with DH. Some days with IF are hard and some straight up suck. I'd be frustrated too if I was in your position. I hope taking a little time helps. I'm sorry you've had such a hard day. Huge hugs to you!! Unfortunately IF can put a strain on your relationship. Sometimes when I am having a hard day or not seeing eye to eye with DH I think of the quote "Even when you disagree, remember you're on the same team".

BellaLux · January 2013

I'm sorry, IF is one bumpy road with tons of potholes!

asilwhite · January 2013

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hugs

LuClo · January 2013

I'm sorry things are so stressful right now.
I don't know if its the case here, but someone had told me that when you're ttc for years on end and it starts to feel like too much, sometimes a partner will pick a fight to sabotage the cycle. Not on purpose. Not to be a jerk. But to avoid the hurt/disappoint/grief you expect is coming. If you don't try then you can't "fail". It's stuck with me because, in retrospect, I know there were a few cycles where I was the one hurt and sabotaging.
If this is a usual sort of fight with DH, disregard everything I just said. But if its out of character for you guys try to step back and think about whether it could just be a bad way of responding to stress.

JSM0801 · January 2013

Oh man, you've really been put through the ringer! I am so sorry for all you have been going through! Hope everything works out for you guys. Hang in there!

firesiren · January 2013

LuClo:
I'm sorry things are so stressful right now. I don't know if its the case here, but someone had told me that when you're ttc for years on end and it starts to feel like too much, sometimes a partner will pick a fight to sabotage the cycle. Not on purpose. Not to be a jerk. But to avoid the hurt/disappoint/grief you expect is coming. If you don't try then you can't "fail". It's stuck with me because, in retrospect, I know there were a few cycles where I was the one hurt and sabotaging. If this is a usual sort of fight with DH, disregard everything I just said. But if its out of character for you guys try to step back and think about whether it could just be a bad way of responding to stress.

This is great advice. We never fight or argue, ever. I can tell he feels horrible. He's been clingy and trying to make conversation and I'm stand-off-ish. I didn't even think about the failure aspect... Thanks.

firesiren · January 2013

LuClo:
I'm sorry things are so stressful right now. I don't know if its the case here, but someone had told me that when you're ttc for years on end and it starts to feel like too much, sometimes a partner will pick a fight to sabotage the cycle. Not on purpose. Not to be a jerk. But to avoid the hurt/disappoint/grief you expect is coming. If you don't try then you can't "fail". It's stuck with me because, in retrospect, I know there were a few cycles where I was the one hurt and sabotaging. If this is a usual sort of fight with DH, disregard everything I just said. But if its out of character for you guys try to step back and think about whether it could just be a bad way of responding to stress.

This is great advice. We never fight or argue, ever. I can tell he feels horrible. He's been clingy and trying to make conversation and I'm stand-off-ish. I didn't even think about the failure aspect... Thanks.

Ecarabeo217 · January 2013

So sorry you're going through this! DH and I have had some doozies during all of this, and I think the PP is right...sleep on it. Things will look different in the morning. And don't cut off your nose to spite your face. If you cycle and get a BFN it might be your fault, but if you don't cycle and regret it, it will forever be his fault in your heart. That's a set up for resentment and more fights later. Sadly, the brunt of IF falls on our laps and not theirs....

Best of luck to you both! Hope you come to an agreement soon!

Lacyj67 · January 2013

So sorry I know a different aspect due to my DOR and I can say that a lot if guilt accompanies the feeling toward DH that I have on a daily basis. Some days I'm gung go and other days I want to spend all our hard earned money we put into IF on a dream vacation or a new Mac book lol! I think during all this is a lot if communication between this and not holding back on how we feel even though its so hard most if the time. Take it one day at a time and hopefully after a few days of not thinking about what's next a answer will come to you guys!!!! Good luck and I'm always in your corner girl!!!

melkel559 · January 2013

Ugh I am so sorry you had a rough night but I agree with what all of the ladies have said..it is so hard to see clearly through IF because emotions are running rampant. DH and I have had our fair share of arguments lately...I am doing all the work, do you care or you would be helping, etc..but I have to remind myself that it probably is so hurtful for him to be more involved since he has to come to terms with that fact that his DNA is no longer part of the equation. The whole thing just sucks! I hope you guys can work through it and find common ground and a plan you are both comfortable with. Hugs!!!

shellb1978 · January 2013

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Best of luck to you with everything.

Temp878586125009588 · January 2013

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry hun. (((hugs))) I hope that you guys continue to go to counseling since it seemed to help, despite the fact that YH had an issue with it in the beginning. I hope everything works out for you. And I'll be thinking of you!

conradtn · January 2013

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this ((((hugs))))

DoublePortion · January 2013

I'm so sorry you ended up cancelling! Hopefully he gets himself together and you guys are able to work through this soon. ((hugs))

liz4paws · January 2013

Oh no, I'm so sorry.

IF is so awful and unfair. We've had so many fights over it ourselves and it's the worst feeling in the world. *hug*

NYCGal276 · January 2013

You are cutting your nose to spite your face!!! You want this baby and are going to cancel a potential cycle because of a spat. I know the feeling - I fought with my husband last night and said "That's it! I'm canceling the IUI! I'm refusing the HCG shot when it arrives!" I cried, I screamed, he can make his own dinner tonight, and that's it. At the end of the day our marriage isn't going away - we love each other but we're on a frustrating, disappointing, emotional roller coaster AND SO ARE YOU! Suck it up - make the call.

Snapdragon333 · January 2013

It is such a hard experience to share with our partners, especially when we are the ones having to put in the majority of the effort so it's easy to become resentful. There have been plenty of times when I have wanted to throw in the towel just because of his attitude. But I know he probably wouldn't step up and call the office himself to restart a cycle if I had cancelled. It sounds like the counseling helped though and maybe if you guys continue to go, he will come around. I hope you are able to work it out.

starspangledgirl1 · January 2013

my hubby used to get annoyed/pissy w everything for a LONG time actually......he was very passive and non involved just let me do all the work. i used to get mad but then i realized that it was bc he felt guilty bc we have MF, he had 20% motility and 2% morphology. bad. the irony was he has TRIPLE the normal sperm count but they didnt move! we talked about it and he felt better once he realized we were in it together-no ones fault-now hes in charge of all the shots and comes to the appts. he even goes to acupuncture now and takes supplements, he HATED doing that before. give him time... he'll come around. men deal with emotional things differently.

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