Do you ever lose your temper with your LO(s)?

AimeeL85 · January 2013

Honest question. I am still adjusting to our new routine having a toddler and a newborn and some days have been really hard. DS has adjusted surprisingly well to the new baby but sometimes the days just seem to go so slowly and we have cabin fever (they're both sick and it's bitter cold outside).

I am sitting here feeling bad that I lost my temper with DS today and hoping he forgets about it quicker than I do. A string of back to back temper tantrums and time-outs led to him refusing to stop screaming/crying and me yelling back that he needed to just. stop. crying. I finally just needed to leave the room for a couple minutes before I could go back in and talk to him. I hate yelling at a 2 year old who clearly isn't going to calm down until I do but sometimes I let it get the best of me. This isn't the normal way that I handle things, but I wish it was never the way.

Before long we were back to having fun and had a good rest of the day, but I feel guilty. It makes me wonder if he's falling asleep thinking about the fun things we did, or thinking about my yelling.

I'm just truly wondering if anyone else ever feels like they lose their temper sometimes or if you you somehow always manage to keep your cool. I want his days and his memories to be nothing but good things but I'm falling short on perfection.

ToastieSimons · January 2013

We're all human. When you bth calm down go give him a hug, get on his level and apologize to him. Just like we expect out kids to apologize for losing their temper we should model it and apologize when we do someone wrong. Believe me, been there done that. Mine are 2 years apart.

hjk5000 · January 2013

I understand how you feel. I yell, not all the time, but I do it often enough to stop and think about it. I came from a family of yellers and it's just my go to sometimes. I try to be conscious of it and keep my temper in check, and unless something really crazy happens I can usually take a breath and be fine.

Everyone has those days though, so please don't beat yourself up over it. My DH's parents rarely showed him they were angry with him or each other and he's way more screwed up than I am. Wink

beany02 · January 2013

DD is having sleep issues (8 months), and there are times i have to just let her cry in her crib for a few minutes while i pull myself together. She still has to be rocked to sleep for every nap and bedtime, and sometimes it takes a long time and she claws at me and scratches me and it HURTS! I start to lose my temper a little. and by "lose my temper", I mean scream "F$%*!!!" in my head while i set her down and walk away. When she's 2, im sure there will be moments where i lose my cool. Dont beat yourself up about it. Sounds like you are a loving mommy and im sure your son feels safe and loved. You want his days and memories to be nothing but good things, but thats just not the reality of life. People lose their tempers, other kids can be mean, bad things happen. Dont expect perfection, there is no such thing

MaineMama · January 2013

Does the Pope wear a pointy hat?

But seirously, yes, yes, and yes. I feel badly about it, but with a very strong willed 16mo old and a 2mo old there are times when I just want to just walk out the door! When the dog bowl has been flipped for the third time and the baby still isnt done eating...I digress.

You're fine. Your kids aren't going to be traumatized, you love them they love you.

shortstuff15 · January 2013

About once a month at least.... during PMS. And more because I'm human.

amy1007 · January 2013

Yes! With my 2yo so much lately and i feel terrible about it. She is almost 3 and OMG there is only so many times in a day you can say no and to stop doing what youre doing before i flip a lid. I am not liking this age at all. And she will not poop on the potty but has been in underwear and peeing just fine for like a year now. I am sooooo tired of the 10 pairs of poopy underwear i have to get off her a day. I also have 15mo twins. *** is hard.

soexcited317 · January 2013

Absolutely! My toddler will be two in a couple days and DS2 is two and a half months. Its getting better, maybe because I am getting more efficient with juggling their needs. Sometimes it seems like DS1 is trying to do everything possible to get under my skin. When I get frustrated, I remind myself, that he's still a very young little person who needs a lot of my attention. While he is very sweet to his brother, he is adjusting to sharing me with DS2 and not getting his needs met immediately on demand. I try to show him as much special attention as I can when the baby is napping or DH is home. Hang in there! He will for sure remember the fun and the joy in your home, and he will also know you are human:)

cmrand4 · January 2013

Go easy on yourself!! you basically described what the first few weeks were like at my house after DH went back to work and I had all child rearing responsibilities to myself 5 days a week. Bed time was a killer. Exhaustion, sleep deprivation, and juggling demands of a toddler circling while trying to take care of a newborn will fry anyone's nerves. There were a few times I was nearly in tears putting DS1 to bed because I felt so bad about how I had yelled at him (I'm not a crier at. all. So this was hard.) When I apologized, he looked at me like he didn't even remember. Kids are so resilient and forgiving. What matters is that you're a nurturing parent overall, not some slip ups when you're at your limit.

Good news... It is 100 x's better now that DS2 is almost 6 mos old. Looking back, a couple of things happened. Once DS1 started going to bed earlier, the demand eased up. Also, DS1 learned some new limits and grew up a bit because he had a brother. He learned that his needs weren't always going to come first and that he had a wait a bit more patiently for my time. Some of that learning came the hard way, but he's better for having a sibling already.

One more thing, turning on music that I like (not toddler tunes) helped me a lot. I felt like a lot of stress melted away if I turned on my ipod in the kitchen or living room. Hang in there, mama! It will get better, I promise. {{Hugs}}

etude de la vie · January 2013

Yes and it would be abnormal if you didn't!

We all get to our breaking point....especially if you are home with them 24/7.

After I calm down I do go into the room with DD and give hugs and cuddle and say "mama was angry because _____ but that's okay and I love you and I'm not angry" we try to talk about it the best way a 3 year old can and sometimes the next day I hear "mama angry and I crying" and I remind her "yes mama got angry but not anymore and it's ok, I love you"

everyone needs to learn how to deal with their own emotions and others! Conflict and resolution is one of life's most important lessons!

I will say newborn and toddler is hard but some days two toddlers is worse. We often have days of fighting, both crying, or both fighting and crying for my attention (especially in public and want me to pick one of them up).

nosoup4u · January 2013

Yes. My temper gets worse when I am tired or stressed. My mom was a yeller when I was growing up, and I HATE it when I find myself doing the same thing. It's definitely the hardest thing about parenting for me.

Postive Discipline is a good book, has lots of good info about being a more peaceful parent. Hang in there!

Mrs.Hizzo · January 2013

OMG, yes. My oldest was a pill at that age. I adore him so much I could eat him up with a spoon, and have always felt that way, but I can't tell you how much he tested my patience as a toddler. Now that both my boys are older, I rarely lose my temper (I feel like it should be the other way around, but it's not) but I still holler every now and then. I wish I didn't, but moms are human, too.

One thing I've always done, if I lose it and yell, is apologize to my kids afterwards. It doesn't erase the fact that I lost my temper, but at least it lets me convey to them that it isn't an acceptable way to act, even for parents. I usually tell them that I was frustrated because of X and so I yelled, but that it wasn't OK for me to react that way and I'm sorry. It doesn't make it go away, but it opens up some discussion about being mad and how we all do things we're sorry for.

+ASH+ · January 2013

I don't think there is a mother alive who can honestly say she has never lost her temper with her kids.

kcisthebombdotcom · January 2013

Of course. I think you would be doing a disservice to your children if you never did. It's an important learning lesson since everyone loses control over their emotions on occasion. Talk it over, apologize for making a mistake, and move on. It's only a problem if you're constantly losing your temper at them.

id012 · January 2013

i dont know one person that hasnt lost there temper with there kid. We are human, we all have bad days, and we all have breaking points. He will be fine, and so will you. I promise!! Cut your self some slack. its really hard being stuck in the house with a 2 year old all day for days on end. I learned that last week.

lisamoe · January 2013

Don't be too hard on yourself. We are all human.

And if anyone says they havent gotten frustrated with their child they would be lying.

Give yourself a break, you have a toddler and a newborn. Keep your head up

AimeeL85 · January 2013

Thanks everyone, I feel a ton better. I don't know why I always have the impression that everyone has it together but me, especially bumpies...in my head you're all perfect moms all the time lol.

johannanicholson · June 2014

Thank you so much for sharing your frustrations...I too, have a young man at home that tries my patience daily...he is extermly active and we have been inside due to the new baby. I have been going to bed more and more often feeling very upset that I had yelled at him. I helps to know that we are not alone in this....thank you again..

rachie1019 · June 2014

WTF?

penguingrrl · June 2014

Ghost post!

penguingrrl · June 2014

LalaMama81 said:

When I first read it, I was so confused - Aimee had another baby?!?!

Me too! Speaking of Aimee, where has she been?

MesmrEwe · June 2014

It doesn't happen real often with DS because of the nature of his personality (he corrects with stern not loud/yelling instructions and always has).. DD OTOH, OMFG - That child brings new meaning to headstrong, strong-willed, refusing to listen to any form of reasoning, adventure in parenting and only when one goes BSC (on things that one looks back on and determines it HAD to resort to that level of yelling to get the point across because she wasn't listening to reason) does she finally realize it's in her best interest to suck it up and do what she's told... And we know this isn't an "at home" issue - it's across the board personality thing.

As others have said, if a parent says they've never - it usually only means one thing - they don't have children yet! Or they've got incredibly easy going personality below 5mo and have never actually been battle scarred by ...

lala5507 · June 2014

dhviel said:

About once a month at least.... during PMS. And more because I'm human.

Yep, I can usually track my worst yelling moments back to pms. Also, imo, 3 is the worst age I've yet to experience. I remember when my oldest was 3 having some moments when I really lost my cool. Now I'm going through it with my youngest.

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