Do you ever get approached by strangers? — The Bump
LGBT Parenting

Do you ever get approached by strangers?

I wonder how many of you are approached by strangers who are curious about your family. My wife used to get approached all the time when out with her then girlfriend. People would ask, wow are you a gay couple? We live in a relatively small town and she found it pretty annoying. That doesn't happen with us but I wonder if it will when we are pregnant or out with our kids in the future.

I'm embarrassed to say the real reason I'm asking. I saw a female couple in a coffee shop the other day and I so wanted to approach them! They were obviously married with matching rings and had the cutest baby in a stroller. I'm sure they were from out of town because I've never seen them before. I said something like what a cute baby, and they pulled the stroller closer to the table and the newspapers they were reading higher up on their faces. They probably didn't want to be bothered and likely get annoying attention from strangers all the time, so I didn't say anything else.

I guess I'm just desperate for community and want to meet some families. Maybe I'll get to meet some of you someday. When we finally have kids maybe we'll join a mommy group and meet some other same sex couples. This road just feels long and lonely right now and I wanted to meet someone whose dream of a family has come true. But I guess this is what this board is for. So I can meet people and ask questions and not be that annoying stranger!
M&K met 8/2002 married 6/2012
TTC with RE since March 2012
3 missed O's, 6 IUIs = 1 BFP then 8 w M/C, 5 BFNs
(2 unmedicated IUIs, 2 clomid IUI, 2 femara IUI)
Shared maternity/partner IVF, transfer #1 BFP!
EDD 11/28/13

Re: Do you ever get approached by strangers?

  • I cannot ever think of an instance when we were approached by strangers about us being a gay couple. I wonder if it has anything to do with the obviouseness of it though. We live in a fairly conservatiive area and my ex looks very masculine (very butch haircut, wore only mens clothes, smaller chest that she wore tighter sports bras to keep down) while I look very feminine so people just passing us on the street and not really looking would just assume were were a hetero couple. A has been called sir in stores/restaurants/etc. If people were ever unsure (you could tell by the hesitation) they went with sir and it never phased either of us. Now in close up or when she was speaking in person you could tell and we might get questions then with regards to Ky and who the mommy was but we just took the both of us approach.

    FWIW we never had any couple friends with kids (except my friend K who moved to IN) and no gay couple friends at all really. I would love to have more family structures similar to ours (I say that and I mean gay couples not single parents lol) for Ky to see BUT I know in my area that is not a reality especially since I live in the burbs not the city and even our gay scene is more single people not families.

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  • Nope. It's never happened to us.

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  • We don't really but we are in a city with lots of LGBTQ people.  Some people also likely read us as a straight couple.  Those who do not usually take it in stride.
  • Nope. When the kids were babies, we couldn't walk 2 feet without someone stopping to ask about twins. But people typically assumed we were friends, sisters, or  L was my mother (ahem..) Once they got out of a doubler stroller, people often thought they we were friends/sisters with our own singleton child..I assume people still think this.

    check out parenting groups in your area. I know in the group we belong to, there are several couples who don't have children yet, but are either interested or in the process.

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  • I can't remember that ever happening to us either.  THe only thing that we get comments on and this of course is every day by almost every person we interact with in stores and on the street is her curls.  I mean we can not get through a line or a trip to starbucks without a conversation about her hair.  
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  • Thanks all, for your responses!
    M&K met 8/2002 married 6/2012
    TTC with RE since March 2012
    3 missed O's, 6 IUIs = 1 BFP then 8 w M/C, 5 BFNs
    (2 unmedicated IUIs, 2 clomid IUI, 2 femara IUI)
    Shared maternity/partner IVF, transfer #1 BFP!
    EDD 11/28/13
  • Hi!  

    No, never happened to us.  I think that would take a lot of balls on the part of the person approaching!

    But to your deeper point: yes, we wanted community.  I strongly suggest finding a Unitarian Universalist church in your area.  We are so not religious, don't believe in any God, and are pretty much non-participants.  That said, we LOVE our UU church (and yes, we get all eebed out when we say we "go to church").  

    But the community has made us so happy!  Our 9yo DD LOVES going to the religious education, she has a ton of adult, teen age, and kid friends, we have adults that adore us and validate our marriage (which is so great for our daughter), and they CHEERED we we said we were pregnant.  

    It is a diverse, multi-cultural, supportive community where you can be involved as much or as little as you want.  If there is a good one in your area, it may well be worth it to check it out.

    And that's the thing, right?  You don't want just ANY mommy group; you want a supportive, awesome, LGBTQ welcoming group!  So now we have all these awesome friends, gay and straight, young and old, who welcome us with open arms.

    It feels awesome. : ) 

    37, married to my favorite person in the world, DW! One darling surfer-girl (12) and one darling, sweet boy born 3/16/13.

    5/2013 Started TTC #3, DW's turn: 5/2013: Diagnostics (shg) and surgery (polyp rem.) for best chances. July-Oct: IUI # 1-4, medicated, monitored, triggered.  All BFN. IVF in Jan May. Sheesh. Whoop! IVF#1 cycle started 4/2/14. 5/1: 19 eggs retrieved, 8 matured, ICSI'd.  4 fertilized.   Only 2 to transfer/freeze stage. 5/6: Two embryos transferred. 5/15: Beta #1 9dp5dt is 134! BFP! 5/19: Beta #2 13dp5dt is 672! B'erFP! 5/21: Beta #3 15dp5dt is 1853.  Yay!

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    "Things separate from their stories have no meaning. They are only shapes. Of a certain size and color. A certain weight. When their meaning has become lost to us they no longer have even a name. The story on the other hand can never be lost from its place in the world for it is that place.” ― Cormac McCarthy, The Crossing

  • I like your response. thats how i feel because I got married in May '12 and no one seemed to care. They were kinda passive about it but my cousin just got engaged and everyone seems to be so excited about it so having someone support u is a very good thing to look for....Ill be taking your advice and see if my husband and I can find a UU church.



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