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Guilt

oandmplus1oandmplus1 member
in Special Needs
My daughter was recently diagnosed with ASD, she has speech delays and a lot or sensory issues. Our insurance is finally covering her therapy, and now we have therapy 4 days a week speech, OT, ABA and a home visit fro. early intervention. My husband and I work opposite shifts and both work full time so that we can take her to all her appointments. Now we have a new baby coming and I am not sure how to make all this work. We are considering putting LO2 in daycare full time and just keeping our DD1 part time, but I feel really guilty about that. How do make it work when you both work full time?
On a side note we are in the process of selling our house and downsizing to an apartment so that one of us can either stay home or cut down to part time, but it will be a while before we pay off enough of our debt to afford that.
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Re: Guilt

  • CaptainSeriousCaptainSerious member

    The only way we could make it work was with a nanny.  She's been with us since I returned to work after my oldest son's adoption, and has become invaluable to us since we brought home our second son.  Since she's a constant in our lives, she is able to take them to appointments when necessary and be there when the tutor comes, but typically, we try work our schedules so we can be there for any kind of doctor or specialist appointment.

    I plan on quitting my job this Spring to be able to ease this situation a bit, but in the meantime, the nanny has been a lifesaver. 

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  • grbnikgrbnik

    I feel a lot of guilt as well with working full time and putting my kids in to daycare, especially because my DD has issues that I think I could work better with than daycare.  However, due to our situation, it is not a choice that I have to not work.  My DH will be laid off in the next year, in which he will either stay home, or may have a job by that point, but that doesn't help us currently. 

    I think it is okay though to put your second in daycare.  My DS loves the daycare, often saying that he wants to go back to be with his friends after we leave.  Granted, he is almost 3 and been in group daycare since 3 months old, but the socialization and education he gained there is something I would not change.  I don't think I could give him that, with trying to help my DD.  I still can't, when we are at home on the weekends.  I feel guilty that he kinda has to do his own thing while I work with DD, but we are also blessed that he is getting to an age that he can play on his own.

    With whatever decision you make, I wish you the best.  :)

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  • MirandaHobbesMirandaHobbes member
    The only way we could make it work was to find a FT "all in one" type of daycare. So DS gets daycare and therapy in the same facility, they just come and pull him out of his preschool class. It was pretty life altering when we found out this type of place exists. We had to change our providers, of course, and the place costs an arm and a leg, but it is totally worth it for the level of care he receives and the piece of mind we have. It's a hard decision and I commend you for being able to juggle two FT jobs and two kids!!!! Good luck!
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  • pastaladypastalady member

    I think your post shows exactly the type of stress our families go through. The first thing my DH said to me after DD's dx was "guess you won't be going back to work ever". I spend equilalent to daycare costs alone just on extra therapies and activities, yet I have no option of working. It sucks!

    If you can find an inclusive daycare that will support her therapists coming to do therapies in house that would be great. Ask around. She could get everything she needs and you could work. If not, like pp said a nanny. Good luck and know you aren't alone in trying to figure it all out. I had to sell a business and it took awhile. IN the mean time we just juggled everything (back then DD was only seeing a behavioralist and SLP). Ask family for help if possible.

    [IMG]http://i50.tinypic.com/30xit04.jpg[/IMG]
    Olivia Kate is almost 4!
    Diagnosed with autism this year and doing great!
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  • malcivarmalcivar member

    I have a very interesting perspective on this.  My sister and I are twins. My sister is special needs and when she had to go our county hospital for her therapies, my mom was forced to put ME in day care - all day day care and I'll tell you - I never noticed that I was being made to go somewhere because my mom had to take care of my sister.  For me day care was fun - I got to play and be with lots of other kids and all I knew was that my mom was taking my sister to HER school.  So I think if you go the day care route, your baby will be fine.  Most kids tend to enjoy day care.

    Good luck and stay strong! 

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  • oandmplus1oandmplus1 member
    Thank you all, your responses have made me feel so much better about it.
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