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Working Moms
golfbride11
member
if you work out of necessity . . . and don't love it - kind of long
golfbride11
member
in Working Moms
I teach 3rd grade and have taught for 14 years. My school is 30 minutes from home. Teaching was my passion and I worked tirelessly at it until DS came along. My priorities have shifted and I no longer feel like a good teacher. I struggle daily to strike that balance I've only ever read about in fiction/fantasy books. The truth is. . . I am failing. By the time I get home, I'm wiped and DS gets 2 hours of what's left of me while the kids in my class get the best of me.
DH is a golf pro - and we live in Maine. . . where golf season is very short. So, I'm the bread winner and health insurance provider here. Every winter gets longer and so does the time he's out of work. This is adding a ton of stress to our lives and I worry that of course LO is feeling it.
All of that said - we are considering a move south - maybe NC or FL because we have some family there (and none here in ME). The move would allow DH to work year-round and become the major provider financially. I would be able to cut back to an Aide, Tutor or Ed Tech position freeing me up to be with DS more.
I worry that I'm not adventurous enough. Would you make this big move if you thought it would give you more time with LO? I feel like I'm being selfish pushing a move that would let me work less. Does that make sense?
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Re: if you work out of necessity . . . and don't love it - kind of long
I see two options- #1- move so you DH can work year round, and #2 your DH needs to find a different line of work (again so he can work year round). Some jobs require you to be in a specific area to be successful (i.e. you can't be a surf pro in North Dakota). It looks like you guys need to either commit to DH's line of work, or he needs to find something in Maine that is year round.
The fact that you would be moving closer to family and friends (I think) is a good thing, but that isn't always the case. I'm not a fan of "change" so it would be a hard move for me. I've wanted to move to MD to be closer to my sister for a few years now, but I can't bring myself to "start over" again.
GL with your decision
Forgive my harshness in saying this but you don't sound selfish - DH does. He's a pro golfer living in Maine? That sounds like an overgrown hobby and an excuse not to have a career. Men don't have to be the breadwinners anymore but I wouldn't put up with being the only one working because DH did something that only kept him employed for a couple months out of the year.
If you'll have more family support somewhere else, I think moving would be something you should seriously consider. Essentially our whole family is within an hour from us, so a long move it out of the question for us; in your case it sounds like nothing is really keeping you in Maine.
Maybe the move will reinvigorate your love of teaching and the passion you once had.
Why can't you be selfish? And it doesn't really seem selfish if it is benefitting your entire family. I don't think it hurts for you both to start looking for jobs elsewhere, I personally wouldn't dive into a big move without at least one us having a job that could support us, but yes I would absolutely do it in your case.
Disclaimer, we are a military family and we move a lot so even though it is a pain, moving isn't a huge deal to me.
We moved 900 miles away to a place where we had no family and no friends. We did it because it meant DH could earn more money with better work/life balance. In turn, that took pressure off me.
I definitely think our life is easier here, although there are trade offs. But in your case, it seems like mostly pros and few cons.
If you do move because DH gets a full time position, you can collect unemployment because you're relocating for your spouse's job - it wouldn't be the case if you weren't married but in your situation, you'll be able to collect while you look for something fulfilling.
Depends on the state - VA won't let you collect for a spouse job transfer even if it is due to military orders (found that out the hard way). Don't konw about ME though.
UGH! That's awful!!! Military families should be allowed to, even if the rest of us aren't. Families like yours deserve that accomodation.
THIS!
I have a blog and it isn't about babies or motherhood or my life. It's just about eating, drinking, and traveling: Explore and Eat
.I would consider the move. You might feel refreshed yourself getting in to a new school, a new evironment esp. if your commute it better.
I have a hard time picturing a man with a family keeping what amounts to a part time job.
Thank you so much for your input. I really didn't know where else to turn for working mom perspective. We would definitely not move until we or at least DH had a job. I love the idea of being closer to my sister too.
"golf pro in Maine" sadly is the punchline. . .I've tried to be understanding because one of the things DH and I loved about each other is our passion for our jobs. When LO came along - I lost the appreciation for him loving a job that doesn't support us.
Thanks again!
I know that golf pro is a career for many, but in my experience, there are at least as many part time not really working to support their families golf pros as there are golf pros who work full time and support their families.
So I have a sort of different question for you.... If you move and DH still does not work FT to support you, then what? Are you comfortable working FT further south? Is he open to marriage counseling if this continues to be a point of contention post move? I will tell you that my exh is the cautionary tale here for me, and I never thought he would be "that guy" but the industry seems to breed it. So just food for thought...
My husband is actually a golf pro with a full PGA membership. He worked very hard to get his degree in golf course management. He's not lazy nor does he refuse to work full time. We live in an area where golf season is not year round so he fills in winter time with odd jobs that don't pay well. So every winter we struggle to pay bills, etc. That's another reason I think the move will be in our best interest. He worked hard to get PGA membership and yet here he's stocking shelves 5 or 6 mos a year to make ends meet. It does a job on his self-esteem.
I just wanted to clarify. He's not refusing to support us.
I say do it! I moved from NJ to Florida 2 years ago because I was tired of cold weather, at least you have a better reason... I am closer to my fam, although DH is farther from his we have adjusted. AND when I moved I found a job that was way better than the one I had in NJ. H has had some problems in the jobs dept, but he did in NJ as well so not much has changed.
Sometimes you have do something crazy to change things for the better. There are a million golf courses in Florida (I live next to one) I think he would do great down here.
hope this helps a little!!
We are a military family as well, so moving isn't a big deal to me at all. We've lived all over the country and world.
I agree with the others that it's ridiculous for your DH to try to be a golf pro in the state of Maine. He either needs to find a new line of work or you need to think about moving.
However, in this economy I would never give up the security of a teaching job with great benefits until you or your H had a job offer that could support you.
I can't relate with not wanting to work, but I will say that it does get easier as you get into more of a groove.
This is a sexist double-standard. Do you have a hard time picturing a man with a family who is a SAHD? Plenty of people do all types of arrangements that work for their family.
If DH was happy being home and I was happy being at work, I would have no problem with this. But neither one of us in happy right now. That's why we're looking to make the change.
My suggest is to move, BUT make sure that at least one of you has a committed FT position prior to the move. I know this would be hard given the distance, but I feel like it is important that you are assured you have a paycheck once you move. I can't imagine a specialized position like that would have an abundance of open positions, and teaching positions are difficult to find in many areas. I know it would make me nervous to give up 2 incomes in the hopes of finding 1 good one.
That being said, I took drastic (50%) paycut when we decided to have kids.
Would it be possible to take a sabatical and then re-evaluate? (maybe while looking for jobs in the south?) Many of my coworkers (teachers) have taken a 1 year leave because they were feeling the way you are.
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