terrible night last night - fight with FI

atangiblewish · January 2013

So fiance smokes, he had quit when i met him but started up again. So I posted an article on his FB about 3rd hand smoke for pregnancy and after baby is born. I got home last night and pretty much all hell broke loose. He doesnt like me telling him what to do and its his own demons. I understand that, but its hard for me. My grandpa, 2 uncles, and BFF's mom all died from cigerette smoking. I didnt point this out last night as I was just not in the mood to go into too much detail. I tm him this am though with my apology. I guess I have to just let go and pray he can quit. He asked me last weekend to pick him up an electronic cig while he was at work as he wanted to quit. But the next am he bought another pack...What would you do? He does smoke outside, but he effin' stinks. and his mom lives with us and she smokes too.

flerlgirl · January 2013

Smoking is a no-go for me in general. With a baby it becomes a never ever ever seriously not ever-go. If he is serious about quitting then he needs to talk to someone who has been there. I don't smoke so I don't have the most informed perspective but I think if he can figure out a plan to stop it would help. No one expects him to stop overnight but his choices are affecting you AND your LO and that is uncool, man. GL.

GingerBabyTX · January 2013

First things first -- they both need to quit smoking. Especially in your house/around you.

Now the thing you don't wanna hear -- posting things on his FB page like that probably comes across as passive-aggressive and embarrasses him. My husband would be pissed at me if I handled it that way. You guys definitely need to keep talking about this, but I'd do it in person and not via FB posts. If you find an informative article, try to show him when you're both home.

Good luck!

I Love my Dave · January 2013

Sorry you are dealing with that, he needs to at least make an effort. He could cut back or get the electronic cig. You are just looking out for your baby. Smoking stinks so bad and since I've been pregnant I feel like the smell is 10 times worse. I wouldn't be able to live in a house of smokers.

flerlgirl · January 2013

GingerBabyTX:
First things first -- they both need to quit smoking. Especially in your house/around you.
Now the thing you don't wanna hear -- posting things on his FB page like that probably comes across as passive-aggressive and embarrasses him. My husband would be pissed at me if I handled it that way. You guys definitely need to keep talking about this, but I'd do it in person and not via FB posts. If you find an informative article, try to show him when you're both home.
Good luck!

I agree about the FB thing, too. It might embarrass him and it's better to talk about this kind of thing in person anyways. And if his mother lives with you - it's your house. Your rules. No smoking in the house seems more than reasonable to me.

atangiblewish · January 2013

flerlgirl:
GingerBabyTX:

First things first -- they both need to quit smoking. Especially in your house/around you.

Now the thing you don't wanna hear -- posting things on his FB page like that probably comes across as passive-aggressive and embarrasses him. My husband would be pissed at me if I handled it that way. You guys definitely need to keep talking about this, but I'd do it in person and not via FB posts. If you find an informative article, try to show him when you're both home.

Good luck!

I agree about the FB thing, too. It might embarrass him and it's better to talk about this kind of thing in person anyways. And if his mother lives with you - it's your house. Your rules. No smoking in the house seems more than reasonable to me.

Ya I realized afterwards that that wasn't the best thing to do. I honestly wasn't thinking. Not only did I probably embarrass him, but I embarrassed myself too..lol. It was deleted

emolm · January 2013

Honestly, I would've left in the very beginning bc smoking is a deal breaker for me.

atangiblewish · January 2013

emolm:
Honestly, I would've left in the very beginning bc smoking is a deal breaker for me.

He didn't smoke when I met him. He had quit for a year until he started again after we were well into our relationship.

RileighsMom1224 · January 2013

I used to smoke and quit when I was pregnant with my daughter. When she was about two I started to slowly pick it up again due to going out with friends. My husband suggested an electronic cigarette. I switched to using that and the taste of a regular cigarette makes me sick, well made me sick, its been about a year since I was even tempted to try one.

Maybe talk to him about trying one of those, they give the same sensation of the throat hit and have different flavors with your choice of nicotine strength. They dont stink or have any carcinogenics, a much better option. Not to mention how much cheaper it is.

atangiblewish · January 2013

RileighsMom1224:

I used to smoke and quit when I was pregnant with my daughter. When she was about two I started to slowly pick it up again due to going out with friends. My husband suggested an electronic cigarette. I switched to using that and the taste of a regular cigarette makes me sick, well made me sick, its been about a year since I was even tempted to try one.

Maybe talk to him about trying one of those, they give the same sensation of the throat hit and have different flavors with your choice of nicotine strength. They dont stink or have any carcinogenics, a much better option. Not to mention how much cheaper it is.

What brands do you recommend? Also, the throw away ones or refillable?

atangiblewish · January 2013

SouthSideDrea:

Well, you are both wrong here. He needs to stop smoking for his kid, the devil with his demons.

And you need to grow up and talk to your partner and not post passive aggressive articles on his fb.

Oh believe me, I realized that. Like I said previously, I wasn't thinking and had deleted it. He actually didnt even mention the whole facebook thing upsetting him. But i'm sure it did.

Btw, thank you everyone for your input.

RileighsMom1224 · January 2013

You can try the throw aways, but I like the refillables. The Joy Ego is what I have used, and I like vanilla tobacco or caramel. I buy them on line at thevaporpro.com. The starter kits are kind of expensive, but replacement parts are not bad. He will have to experiment with flavors to find out what he likes.

Some smoke shops carry them but it is hit an miss. My brother said that there is a place by him (Dallas) that lets you go in and try flavors and what not. Kind of like a hookah bar for vaping.

atangiblewish · January 2013

RileighsMom1224:

You can try the throw aways, but I like the refillables. The Joy Ego is what I have used, and I like vanilla tobacco or caramel. I buy them on line at thevaporpro.com. The starter kits are kind of expensive, but replacement parts are not bad. He will have to experiment with flavors to find out what he likes.

Some smoke shops carry them but it is hit an miss. My brother said that there is a place by him (Dallas) that lets you go in and try flavors and what not. Kind of like a hookah bar for vaping.

Thank you so much! I am going to keep that website in mind when it's brought up again. Which he brings up the electro ones often now...

RileighsMom1224 · January 2013

atangiblewish:
RileighsMom1224:

You can try the throw aways, but I like the refillables. The Joy Ego is what I have used, and I like vanilla tobacco or caramel. I buy them on line at thevaporpro.com. The starter kits are kind of expensive, but replacement parts are not bad. He will have to experiment with flavors to find out what he likes.

Some smoke shops carry them but it is hit an miss. My brother said that there is a place by him (Dallas) that lets you go in and try flavors and what not. Kind of like a hookah bar for vaping.

Thank you so much! I am going to keep that website in mind when it's brought up again. Which he brings up the electro ones often now...

No problem, I have been able to convert most of my smoking friends/family to them. Good luck!

Murphie82 · January 2013

My mom swore she would never quit smoking and smoked from the age of 13 to the age of...gosh, I'd say 57, but the electronic cig actually really worked for her. I'm not sure of the brand, but I can find out. It's refillable. My mom still had a few regular cigs when she first started on the e-cig, but then she slowly reduced down to one a day for quite a while and now no longer smokes any reg cigs.

It's really just about being supportive. My step-father is a huge help when it comes to the refilling part because it looks like it could be a pain, and if my mom was on her own with it, she'd probably still be smoking regular cigs. So if you think he might have trouble with the up-keep, help him out. (I know you shouldn't have to, but it's a nice thing to do and takes some of the burden off of him and you also get what you want - a healthy baby, no cig smell, money savings, etc.)

Now I just need to get my dad and step-sister to quit smoking and switch to e-cigs.

Good luck with everything! I know it's a touchy topic - trying to get someone to break an addiction will definitely make them moody, but it's worth it.

TheyCalledHerKate · January 2013

Smoking, especially third hand smoke is not healthy for anyone, especially babies. I wouldn't even send my child to a daycare where the employees were allowed to smoke (we ask at every daycare tour we do).

I can relate because I had to have a talk with my MIL because my FIL smokes. I sent her articles about the dangers of third-hand smoke and she brought up the topic at his doctor's appointment. His own doctor encouraged him to not smoke around me during pregnancy and around the baby.

Even if someone smokes outside, the third hand toxins are on their skin, clothes and hair. I would not let someone who smokes hold my baby or even be in my house leaving those toxins on my upholstered furniture. My FIL no longer smokes around me and when the baby comes, he will not smoke during the time he is with the baby.

At the very least, everyone around your baby who smokes should shower and change clothes before touching your baby if they've smoked.

notquiteblushing · January 2013

I'd probably start looking for a new place to live.

jennOK · January 2013

My husband dips. He was a college baseball player and started then. I hate it with a passion. He always has dip cans around and a spit bottle. We have talked about it many times. I've had family members with oral cancer. He brought it up this last week out of nowhere that he's going to quit come February first. I guess they are doing a program through his work. All I said was, "good, i support you." That stuff can not be around when the baby gets here.

Ethansmommy18 · January 2013

flerlgirl:
Smoking is a no-go for me in general. With a baby it becomes a never ever ever seriously not ever-go. If he is serious about quitting then he needs to talk to someone who has been there. I don't smoke so I don't have the most informed perspective but I think if he can figure out a plan to stop it would help. No one expects him to stop overnight but his choices are affecting you AND your LO and that is uncool, man. GL.

agree with all the above!!! Yes

Want a personalized experience?

terrible night last night - fight with FI

Re: terrible night last night - fight with FI

Choose Another Board

Search Boards