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Multiples
ChemicalBlonde99
member
Baby Shower after Twins Arrive?
ChemicalBlonde99
member
in Multiples
Hello Ladies!
I was wondering if I could get some thoughts/opinions on a situation involving my MIL.
I'll start by mentioning that DH and I are expecting twin girls this May/June and that we will be first time parents.
With that said, over the Christmas Holiday my MIL mentioned that she was planning to throw a small baby shower for me at her house that would include DH's side of the family. Now I'll be honest, I don't have the greatest relationship with my MIL so this was a bit of a surprise though a pleasant surprise. I told her that I thought it sounded great and that I really appreciated it.
Fast forward to this past weekend and DH is on the phone with MIL. She mentions to DH that she is thinking of changing the baby shower so that instead of it being before the girls arrive she is thinking of having it after the girls arrive. She was thinking sometimes around October when the girls are 4 months old.
Now here is where I need some input. I have no idea what life will be like with 4 month old twin girls and I don't know how easy/hard it will be to pack them up and drive them the 1 ? hours (one way) it will take to get to my in-laws, to then have them be passed around by those attending the shower, and then do the commute home when all is said and done. I've always heard that getting twins on a schedule is important and I have a feeling that a day like this could throw them off their schedule.
My knee-jerk reaction is to tell MIL that I appreciate her wanting to throw me a shower but that it may be a bit much on us and the girls and to decline her offer. I know it's too soon to tell what our lives will be like once our girls have arrived but my in-laws are coming over to our place this weekend and from what DH has told me my MIL wants to talk about the shower.
Let me add that the option of having everyone come to us is off the table. One of the reasons MIL was planning to host a shower is so DH's family didn't have to drive the 1 ? hours (one way) up to our neck of the woods to attend the shower my mother is hosting.
Thoughts?
TIA!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Baby Shower after Twins Arrive?
Videos of telling my family and husbands family that we are preggo...with twins!
my twins arrived 7 weeks early by surprise.
our baby shower had been scheduled for the weekend they were born, so obviously it was cancelled.
date was moved to 2 months after they were born.
hindsight is 20/20 .... I would NEVER agree to do that again.. EVER!
we had to drive an hour 1 way and it was too much.
We kept the babies in a back bedroom and would usher 1-2 people in/out at a time throughout the shower, but not let them touch or hold babies. People were ticked, but I had to think of the babies first.
I felt horrible recovering from brutal c-section. I was uncomfortable. I was trying to BF and pump and bottle feed and we had no real routine at that point, so the day was just long and hard on the twins and me.
I was soooo worn out and frazzled by the end of the shower. The twins were cranky and fussy.
I would not do it.
My shower was originally planned for 32ish weeks in my hometown but I was put on bedrest at 24 weeks. There was no way we were going to drive the 1 1/2 to our hometown while I was on bed rest. And then I ended up in the hospital at 31 weeks anyway.
My aunt planned a shower for me a little over a month after the girls were born. She told everyone that the girls would be there (her thought was to put them with their daddy and grandpas in the nursery at the church and people could peak in at the babies through the half door). At that point, however, they had only been out of the NICU for a few days. The nurses in the NICU thought it was a bad idea, so we just kept the girls at my parents' house with their grandpas during the shower.
All of that being said, the outpouring of love at that event was incredible.
Preemie ID DDs; then DS; then natural M/C; now due 10/17
High risk for pre-term: weekly Makena injections
I tend to agree with this. In my opinion the earlier the better, so you'll have plenty of time to finish getting everything else you need before the babies get here.
As far as if you and the twins will be up for it by 4 months, it really depends on you and your babies. We went to Florida on vacation (15 hour drive) when our twins were 3 months old and they did fine. Partially thanks to portable DVD players that kept them entertained on the drive. Traveling anywhere, even to the store, is always a hassle though. It is incredibly important to get them on a schedule and stick with it but it's just as important though to make sure there's a little flexibility in it for trips like that. They'll also have had all the important vaccines by that point so them being passed around won't pose any physical threat to the babies (just have everyone germex) it may stress them out a little though so you may just need to monitor that and give them breaks where they're not being over stimulated.
Married since June 2010
TTC #1 since 04/2011
3 abnormal PAPs and 2 colpo/biopsy since 09/2009
LEEP 05/2011
ASCUS PAP 08/2011 which means no PAP for 6 months!! YAY!!
BFP 11/6/11!! EDD: 7/15/12
1st u/s 11/21/11: TWINS!
16 wks 1/30/12: BOY and GIRL!
Schedualed c-section for 7/2/12 38wks 1day
Went into labor 6/25/12 37wks 1day. Delivered two healthy babies
Honestly, I think the drive is no big deal. We went 14 hours with 7-weekers and while not pleasant all the time...it really was doable.
However, I personally would not want a thousand people passing the kids around at 4 months in Oct. I would consider illness a factor and the overstimulation may be a problem, too. Plus, I needed very little for them that I did not already have at 4 months. So, if it were me.. I would decline.
TTC since May 2006. After 3 failed Clomid cycles, 2 failed Injectibles/IUIs, 2 failed IVFs and 1 failed FET, we moved on to adoption!
Last ditch FET resulted in BFP, and identical twin girls!
I don't get a chance to post a lot, and there's been a lot of good advice already shared. But a couple of points...it looks by your post that your family will be having a shower for you earlier enough so that you will have lots of things you will need before the girls arrive, and that the MIL hosted shower is a second shower?
This sounds a lot like my situation when my babies were born. My sis, mom and friend hosted one shower when I was 31 wks and my SIL was to host another shower for DH's side of the family. It was scheduled for the weekend I was put on bed rest and therefore it was cancelled. We rescheduled for when the kids were 8 weeks old. SIL lives about an hour away. We were already on a schedule and the "welcome ot the family" party was actually very nice. I'm a schedule mom regardless, but waiting until they are 4 months old to get them on a routine seems a bit late in my mind. And, no, you don't want them to passed around like crazy, but if people wash their hands (I had multiple dispenser of hand sanitizer as well) and are respectful I think it's doable. But it's up to you. I have a great relationship with my IL's and my SIL is super kid-centric and willingly/happily makes arrangements to make our lives easier when we visit. It may not be the same for you.
For me, having the second shower when the twins were 4 months old would have been even easier. I love each new age, but I have said before that 4 months was the easiest during the first year. They were still on bottles so I didn't have to worry about solids/purees, we had a great routine going (eat, play sleep) and they slept through night. I hope things work out well enough for you
My shower was scheduled for 27.5 wks and I was hospitalized at 27wk for ptl so the shower was canceled. Most everyone sent their gifts to us, my parents or ILs. We had a meet and greet for the dh's side around 5mo and it was great! It was 2 hrs away so we came up the night before, and had pnps set up. They were old enough to be passed around and going longer between naps. Whenever they started showing any signs of sleepiness they got put to sleep and brought back as they woke up.
we didnt have a meet and greet for my family as we had family get together for my gpop birthday and then his funeral so most of my family saw them then.
This is a tough one because you said that your relationship with her isn't that great. I'm afraid if you turn down her offer that it will only make things worse. I think all of your concerns are valid, I really do. But it may be worth it to not hurt her feelings and maybe even strengthen your relationship with her. It will definitely not be easy to pull off. When my son was 4 months old, we drove 5 hours to visit DH's grandparents. It was a hard trip for sure but I knew it meant a lot to my MIL so I did it and was glad (after) that I did.
MIL might be trying to get out if it. I'd put it on yousomething like "I really appreciate the offer, but I don't think I'll be up for a shower once the babies are here. I want to bond, we won't be sure of their health, I cannot commit to a shower after they are here. If its too much to have a shower earlier I 100 understand, just let me know what you want to do" type of thing.
ANDcongratulations. I am a first time mom too. Believe me when I saw multiples comes with a LOT of baby stuff. It's great your family is throwing you a shower. :
I had a similar situation and in the end after the babies were born I told her I didn't want the shower....my boys had colic for 3.5 months so there was no way I was up for a shower at that point unless it involved me being alone with shampoo and soap
I would say you appreciate the offer and would love to have it before the babies come (since lets be honest you need lots of gear for 2 babies!) but you cant guarentee your health or theirs after the babies come! If she really wants to do it FOR YOU she will do it when it is convenient FOR YOU!
Based on my own experience with our first child, here's my 2 cents...
If you're having other showers before the twins arrive, I would lean toward taking her up on the shower when they're a bit older. There will be things you'll need/want then as sort of a "second round" of gifts. Assuming DH will be going with you & helping with the travel & care of the babies while you're there, I wouldn't think a 1 1/2 hour trip each way would be too much of an issue (but then, we traveled a fair amount even right away with our first DD -- and I realize that's not two babies at once!).
The other thing I'd factor in -- again, based on experience with my own IL's -- is that ours seem to be pretty adamant about finding a time for the extended family to "meet" the babies, and if being able to plan for that (and receive gifts you might need at the same time!) -- instead of having to try to coordinate that during the Christmas or other holidays, that would be a "win/'win" for me.
GL!