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November 2012 Moms
joliebebe
member
Gender Norms?
joliebebe
member
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. It might have to do with the episode of Trading Spouses/Wife Swap I saw. One of the posts here reminded me.
Do you plan to conform to "gender norms/stereotypes"? AKA my child is a girl, therefore she must dress like one.
I think it would be precious if Z were to wear pink or purple. It is, after all, just a color. Girls wear the typical boy color: blue. So why can't boys wear pink without it being odd?
Similarly, something like ear piercing. Everyone thinks of it as normal for girls, but what would you say to someone considering getting their DS's ears pierced at an early age?
Hmm? HMMM!? Discuss! You boring biatches. 
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Re: Gender Norms?
As for clothes.. We have blues and greens for DD that she wears, and I think boys in pink is adorable... Just don't put him in a dress lol.
First Child born
5/5/14 and 6/5/14
11/14
Chemical Pregnancy
9/5/15
Second after severe bleeding for 18 weeks due to subchorionic hematoma
Expecting Number 3 due 10/31/2020
I say dress them how ever you want and until they are old enough to object. As long as you don't mind strangers mistaking your boy for a girl dress him in pink.
I wouldn't pierce my boys or girls ears, but that has more to do with not wanting one more thing to take care of.
But I don't agree with parents that allow children to live as transgender(give hormones, refer to child as opposite gender, use other sex bathroom ect). I don't think they can really make that choice at that age. I was an extreme tomboy when I was a kid. I wanted to be a boy. Thankfully I didn't know about transgender at the time. I think it would have messed me up psychologically if I had started living as a boy. Now a am feminine and don't question my gender at all. If you want to make that decision as an adult that's your choice, but gender shouldn't be such a big deal to kids that they feel like they need to be referred to by the other sex or make physical changes to their body (hormones or surgery) because they like things that aren't gender norm.
This, to me, is the question. What does it mean to act girly? Playing with dolls? Wearing pink?
I am planning to make a real effort not to push gender stereotypes on my daughter. I know they are so ingrained in our culture, and I even catch myself telling M how pretty she is, but I don't want that to be the emphasis of our praise to her. I guess I have an issue with this idea that trucks are for boys and dolls are for girls. I'm not going to get on my soap box, but I do think this country could use a discourse on why feminism has become a dirty word and what we are teaching our children (even without realizing it) about gender roles.
I was also wondering what acting girly meant, as a mom I don't have experience but I have a younger brother who used to play with Barbie dolls, let us paint his nails and dress him up and my partners nor my brother had any problem with it, this was just how we played in our house and I can't imagine telling a child that they couldn't play with a certain toy or wear a certain color because of their gender
don't get me wrong I dress C in pink and headbands 90% of the time but I do put other colors on her but when she is old enough to pick her own clothes I won't limit her, unless of course it's age inappropriate
I LOVE a pink button up on my oldest; so handsome!
I am not a fan of pierced ears on any children (boys or girls) so that is out of the question, unless they are much older.
I don't buy into social norms though. My MIL thought it was weird I got DS1 a kitchen for Christmas. I guess she thinks its a "girl" toy. He absolutely loves it, and oh yea, most chefs are men MIL!
Actually, it used to be in Europe that blue was the color for girls. So, what is in a color?
Also, my DH is very "metro"... likes to shop and is a figure skating coach... but he is all man. So, I agree with all the pp. Liking dolls or ballet does not make your son girly, nor does football or trucks make your daughter masculine. I will raise dd in a way that celebrates who she is.. but DH will be heartbroken if she hates shopping.
I dress my boy like a stereotypic boy. I will also surround him with "boy" things as he gets older. If, when he's old enough to choose, he decides to break out of that norm then I will support him. If I can't get DH to dress preppy then I am making LO while I still can
.
On a side note I think certain pink/purple polo shirts can look boyish and they also have feminine blue clothing. I don't think it is necessarily the color but the design of the shirt.
I have two stepdaughters that have played with dolls and also had remote control monster trucks and helicopters. They're just toys, NBD.
I know what my boys like and are interested in so that's the direction we go. They both went through a "liking Justin Bieber and wanting to have hair like him" stage; my oldest even bought a book about him at a school book fair. But that didn't last long as they were just "finding their way".
If they wanted to get their ears pierced, I would have a hard time saying yes to be honest. I would find out why they want to do that in the first place to see where the influence was coming from. If they were to wear pink at this age I would be shocked.
Anyway, long response just to really say that children fall naturally into social norms unless otherwise influenced. At least that us my opinion.
dee & bee
mom & dad to 3 boys!
Girly by society's standards...pink, dolls, playing house...and I agree that it's weird to tell a kid s/he can't play with something because it's the 'wrong' gender, but I'm not going to go buy my son Barbies unless he really wants them just so he has the option.
First Child born
5/5/14 and 6/5/14
11/14
Chemical Pregnancy
9/5/15
Second after severe bleeding for 18 weeks due to subchorionic hematoma
Expecting Number 3 due 10/31/2020
I think now that I am a wife and mother, I feel strongly that if I have a son I would try to teach him that boys play house too. That real men know how to cook, do the dishes, and rock a baby to sleep. It's no wonder that so many significant others don't want to or don't know how to help around the house. We're teaching them at an early age that that behavior is for girls.
Just my opinion, you're welcome to disagree
I don't like pierced ears on little kids, regardless of gender, so that's that.
I will say that we make a conscious effort to keep things gender neutral at our house. All the toys now work for boys or girls... lots of jungle rattles and such. As he gets older, we'll follow his lead on preferences. Any toys we purchase until then will be gender neutral or fairly balanced.
As far as clothing, again, we make a conscious effort to keep it gender neutral. Lots of browns, blues, and reds. We don't buy anything that says "mommy's little man" or "daddy's brave guy." We have gotten several gifts with saying like that, which we don't let go to waste, but it's nothing that we would buy ourselves.
I had no problem signing up my son for a music class, even though most of the babies are girls. At home, there are no "man jobs" and "lady jobs." My FI and I treat each other as equals, and chores are based on our individual strengths and smarts, not social norms.
I know it's a crunchy granola not so popular way, but it's what we do.
This exactly. I don't care if P turns out to be gay or whatever. It's his life and I'm 100% okay with however he decides to live it. I love him no matter what. And so does DH. So with that said, I do plan on dressing him in boy colors. I actually don't even really like putting the "gender nuetral" yellows on him, I just don't think they look nearly as cute as the onesies with dogs or cars on them. I will definitely push sports on him, because that's what parents do. Not because I care how he turns out, he can totally be gay and play football, just because sports are fun.
However, I'll get him a toy kitchen if that's what he wants. If he wants to play with barbie dolls, that's fine. But I will not be dressing him in girls clothing.
Let the kid wear what they want to wear. It is just a color to them! Adult society is the one pushing gender bias on the color wheel. As far as the ear piercing goes, it is hypocritical to say you want your child to be their own person and choose what they want to wear then turn around and choose to have their ears pierced for them. If you want to pierce your kid's ear (boy or girl), go for it. Just don't stand on a soap box and preach before you do it.
K says...
Iz has her own toy gun and lots of dolls. Henry will probably play with dolls and I'm
sure Iz will try to dress him and do his nails. Kids are going to play and do both girly and boy things no matter their gender.
As for ear piercing, I'm against it for babies. I never understood my dad when I was younger saying why would you destroy perfection by putting holes in it and decorating it unnecessarily until I had my own kids. That being said, I will probably still let Iz get her ears pierced. I don't know with Henry.