To have a shower or not to have a shower?

Ms H13 · January 2013

Hi ladies,

Who has had (or will have) a baby shower? Who has not (and is not planning to)? Reasons to have or not have a shower?

I'm leaning towards not having a shower, but am getting a lot of pressure from friends and thought I would see what others on the board thought about it.

sarabiafiroz · January 2013

DH and I are expecting June 26 this year. My family is super excited because I will be the first of my recently married cousins expecting our first baby. So it's not even a question with us about having a baby shower. We agreed to have a baby shower but not until much closer to our due date. I'm hoping for early late May to early June for the shower. I'm just excited to share and celebrate with my family and friends. Only my immediate family and a few of our close friends know about our IF journey but that's even more reason to celebrate. I don't want my friends planning it and would prefer to plan it with my mom since it will be her first grandchild and we have a close relationship

A few of my friends avoided the whole shower thing because they didn't want to plan or register. So instead her parents used what they would've paid for a baby shower and bought my friend all her baby things and more.

coastalchristina · January 2013

We're not having a baby shower because all of our family and closest friends live 14 hours away, DH doesn't fly and I don't want to go up without him or be in the car for that long while pregnant.

notquiteblushing · January 2013

I'm having one. It would break my mother's heart if I didn't. Plus free stuff!

kmc84 · January 2013

My shower was this past Saturday and it was great! My two closest friends and MIL hosted and they were so excited to do it. My friends and a few people invited know our whole story. Pretty much everyone invited knew at least some of our struggle to have a baby. Everyone is so happy for us and it was nice to come together and celebrate a pregnancy that was hard fought for. It was also nice to get a big jump on everything that we need foe the baby:-)

I don't really like being the center of attention, but everyone was so genuinely happy for us that I am glad we all got together!

Ms H13 · January 2013

Thanks for the input ladies. Nice to hear that those of you that had showers enjoyed them.

I'm still struggling to feel like it would be OK for me to do this - seems like a big leap of faith to so openly celebrate the babies before they're here. And to be honest, I think these things are most easily enjoyed by those who have never had to suffer through a shower (aka never had to deal with IF - definitely dealing with some residual baby shower apprehension). So far the only argument my friends have given me is 'you'll get so much stuff' - which to me has been very uncompelling. Nice to hear other opinions.

maggie2324 · January 2013

A shower is a gift that someone offers to throw. It can be accepted or declined. No one has offered to throw me one, so it isn't a choice for me yet. I fully expect that my MIL will offer to throw one, but we will have to see. I plan on accepting if the offer is made even though I don't like being the center of attention. I do like the opportunity to get together with family/friends and of course I want to celebrate the baby.

Gregermis · January 2013

Definitely having a shower... Mostly it will be DHs family and showers weddings are an excuse for family to get together beyond Xmas. Plus, after all the money we spent on IF, it would be really nice to have some help with baby gear.

kmc84 · January 2013

Ms H13:
I'm still struggling to feel like it would be OK for me to do this - seems like a big leap of faith to so openly celebrate the babies before they're here. And to be honest, I think these things are most easily enjoyed by those who have never had to suffer through a shower (aka never had to deal with IF - definitely dealing with some residual baby shower apprehension). So far the only argument my friends have given me is 'you'll get so much stuff' - which to me has been very uncompelling. Nice to hear other opinions.

I can understand your apprehension. I was still a little nervous when the invites were mailed. If you are still really have a fear of something bad happening before the babies are here, you could always ask whoever offers to host a shower to host a meet the babies party after they are here instead.

MBfromBMC · January 2013

I definitely am having a shower.

First of all, it is somewhat expected here at my job (at a school) and everyone gets one, often the men, too. As far as the family/friend shower, we had a very small bridal shower and wedding and we felt like this time, we earned it! As soon as we announced our PG, my mom, aunts, cousins, DH, etc. all started getting calls from excited people who wanted to be there.

I can totally understand not wanting a shower, but our friends and family really want it and we blew our whole baby budget on IVF!

Jezebell26 · January 2013

I can definitely understand your fears about having a shower and celebrating the babies before they arrive. A lot of people feel that way and wont attend showers or throw them. If you arent comfortable as PP have said maybe something after the babies are born would be better.

I did have a shower and couldnt wait! I did not feel safe about it and wouldnt really talk about it or plan for it until I hit vday. Once I knew she was completely healthy and we hit that milestone I let my guard down and we went into full baby shower mode. I am glad I finally got the chance to have my own moment and the genoristy of people was amazing! We are very lucky but more important were so happy to finally be able to share this with all our friends and family. Most people know we went through IF and have been trying for 3 years and some knew the details of our losses and IVFs. I gave a very nice speech at the end thanking everyone who was there for supporting us along the way and made sure to point out how grateful I was. It was such an overwhelming experience but one I am so glad I got to experience, especially after coming from IF. I will say that I had a lot of anxiety leading up to my shower and was afraid something was going to go wrong. IF brain never ends!

pantsarella · January 2013

I don't know for sure (because I'm not throwing it), but I doubt a shower is in my future. We don't live near our families and we have friends here, but many groups of separate friends (i.e. work friends, neighbor friends, school friends, etc) if that makes sense. I questioned even registering for anything. Ultimately I questioned even registering for anything, but I did, because I figured some family might want gift suggestions. I really have no expectations of anyone, though.

Native+Girl · January 2013

I'll probably have 3 showers. I know, ridiculous. One for each family (they only live an hour apart and an hour and a half from us so you think they could combine) and one at my work, where DH used to work also.

I understand our families wanting to throw one and I'm fine with that, it's pretty customary here. I'm actually helping throw my SIL her baby shower for #2 soon, which I thought was a no-no but whatever. But I really don't want the one for work. I always hated having baby stuff thrown at me here and I feel like I'd be the thrower in this case. I hate that it feels like you're forced to go so I might ask the party planner (DH's former boss) to have it at an off-site location so people don't have to go if they don't want to.

Killer Tomato · January 2013

We just found out that my mother wants to throw me a shower. (She has informed me that it is "nowadays" considered appropriate for her to do. My lurking on the baby shower board has also confirmed this.) So I will be having a shower, and I think I am quite excited about it.

Yeah, there is the "getting free stuff you need" aspect that is appealing (and will help a lot with the budget, since I am really hoping to take up to 6 months off and then go back part time,) but that isn't the part I am looking forward to. I think I just want to ooh and ahh over cute little baby stuff with a bunch of people who are also oohing and ahhing. And I have been to baby showers and felt sad at them because I so badly wanted a baby of our own, so I kind of want to have one and be super happy because it is MY baby shower. Finally!

I am also hoping some of the experienced moms will either give me things I didn't know I needed, or share some sort of Experienced Mom Sage Advice that will make a huge difference for me. This is what I am hoping, anyway. What I am actually expecting is a whole bunch of "cloth diapers--what are you thinking?" and "are you going to breast feed/go back to work/etc." type questions.

I am not a fan of gender stereotyping or pink, but I am also looking forward to the pink frosted cupcakes that my mother is so excited to make.

But this is me. I think if the idea of a shower is causing you more stress and worry than anticipation, there is always the option of an after-the-birth party. (Though the idea of that many potentially germy people around my newborn would make me quite nervous!) But in the end, it is just a baby shower. If you think you might enjoy it, I say go for it, but if not, don't stress about the pressure others put on you. It's not their pregnancy, and they'll get over it.

lily_721 · January 2013

I want a baby shower. I opted not to have a bridal shower -- I didn't feel DH and I needed one. After all the work of IVF, I want to celebrate this baby. We have a summer of events and the baby's birth will get quickly lost amongst the families.

I have also given more baby shower, baby arrival, and first birthday gifts than I want to count. Its my turn.

Millie1984 · January 2013

I am probably not going to have a shower. I think we are leaning towards having a party after the baby is born...

hugmonkey · January 2013

I'm having one. Both of my SILs were excited to have one for me, and it can certainly help out cost wise for all the supplies needed for a new LO. It didn't even cross my mind to say no.

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