- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Blended Families
Just want to verify that I'm within boundries
Lurker, mostly, although I think I posted an intro post once a bit ago. To make a long story short, SO has two kids, a 15yo and an 11yo, both boys. They live with their mom fulltime and we get them every weekend. SO and I are not currently married (though we have been discussing it.)
The boys do not have winter jackets. They mostly go with hoodies, albeit thin hoodies, for the year round because, as the 15yo says, "this is the only thing I like to wear." I mostly try to stay out of it because we don't live in an area that typically gets a lot of extreme weather. HOWEVER it has been 8 degrees every morning for the past few mornings. I want to buy the boys winter jackets for use when they are with us. We want to take them tubing and ice skating and a few other outdoor cold winter-like things, but I'm also concerned that if we are in the car and it breaks down, yada yada (I think that's my mom speaking through me...scary.)
Anyway, am I within my rights to take them to purchase jackets this weekend and say that when it is really cold out (below freezing) and they are in our house, they are required to wear them? If they don't want to take them to their mother's and she won't force them to wear jackets, I can't control that, but I feel like at this point they need to have jackets and they need to wear them when they are with us. SO doesn't care one way or another, apparently, but I do. Am I overstepping my bounds as a non-parent?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Just want to verify that I'm within boundries
Buy the jackets but only "force them" to wear them when you do outside, family activities.
Other than that- if they are stupid enough to wear only hoodies on extreme cold days, then they will be cold. Natural Consequences and Darwin and all that.
And if you are worried about the car breaking down, keep warm blankets in the trunk.
Its probably an image thing. My 14 year old won't wear his very nice Burton coat to school. He will wear his hoodie to the bus stop. He will wear his coat outside here, but most of the time he wants to wear the hoodie. The weather really doesn't matter to him.
I am pretty sure it's an image thing. Kind of when I was in middle school and didn't wear a hat or gloves because that would not look cool. I figure he's old enough to make that decision and if he want to freeze, so be it.
I could be on board with the only requiring them to wear them when we do our family activities. That makes sense and seems like a good compromise!
I do worry since the 15yo walks to school but I figure ya'll are right -- it is an image thing and if he wants to freeze, I can't stop him (and his mom doesn't try either.)
This. And let them pick out the coats, just give a dollar limit and be willing to hit multiple stores assuming you live in an area with multiple options.
I agree. I would still buy them but you can't force a kid to wear a jacket. If they have one available and it gets cold enough they'll wear one.
Taking the PPs advice, I'm going to let them pick out the jackets and only make them wear them when we do our outdoor activities, like tubing and ice skating and skiing and such. They don't currently own the appropriate gear at all, though we did buy them both hats from their favorite sports teams for Christmas, upon their request.
Sounds smart. Ditto pps. My 12 year old's classmates all wear only hoodies in single digits. SS wears his coat, but he likes being warm.
Before assuming it's the BM consider that since so many other people are also saying kids of similar ages are doing the same thing perhaps it is the kids.
My son who is 14 refuses to wear a coat. I live in a place that gets cold and even when it's extremely cold it's a fight for him to wear it. Unless it's literally well below freezing he just won't wear it. If I get him to bring it to school you can be sure he isn't wearing it at lunch. He refuses to wear boots as well. None of the kids in his school wear boots.
I spent almost $200 on his coat this year (got it on sale) and it's hardly been worn.
I can 100% say it is the kids. They have routinely stated that they prefer to wear their hoodies over any coats their mother has or has not purchased for them, and I can only assume she's given up buying them for everyday wear. BM is a good mom and she and SO and I get along pretty well, so I don't think it's her.
Thanks for all the advice. I was mostly worried about things like tubing and skiing anyway, so at least I'm not overstepping to say, "Alright, look, 99% of the time if you want to freeze that's your choice but for these xxx activities, come pick out a coat that you're gonna have to wear." I don't feel so "evil stepmom"-ish now
Nope. Evil stepmoms do not provide coats and ski trips.
I wasn't jumping on BM. I was saying it could be either or. The way it was written I felt like it was stated or assumed that BM didn't purchase them a coatif it wasn't I misread and apologize. I do recognize that teens are stupid and would much rather walk around in hoodies or sweatshirts then wear a coat and be warm.
I apolgize for the misinterpritation I certainly didn't mean to come off as assuming.
As for the evil stepmom I dont think it makes you evil at all and its great you and BM get along.
I was like this as a teenager but it wasn't an image thing. I did it because it was a PITA to have to take my coat to my locker before class and you weren't allowed to wear coats inside. I got used to just wearing a hoodie and did that most of the time. It was just easier. All of my friends did it too.
Sounds good to me!
I'm a SM to an 11yo boy and 7 yo girl. I also teach grade 6. My SS is in my grade (I teach him a few subjects) and he and his peers ALL wear coats. We're on the Canadian prairies so it's impossible not to wear a coat when it's -45 degrees C with the windchill. BUT...the grade 7+ boys down the hall only wear hoodies most of the time. I'm thinking it's an image thing. A lot of the kids who don't wear them may come from lower income families who might not be able to afford coats...but when I see them donning brand name sneakers, shirts, and hats, I'm sure they're choosing to only wear their hoodies to look cool instead of wearing a coat for warmth.
I hope my SS doesn't follow that mentality a year from now. :S
BFP #1 09/02/11 M/C 09/12/11 8w6days
BFP #2 07/18/12 Baby S born on his EDD 03/23/13
SS - age 12...SD - age 8...DS - 13 mos.
No worries. My response was more me covering my own butt if she ever stumbles upon this, because she really is not a bad mom and I don't want her thinking I think that. I just think the boys are going to freeze themselves in their quest for "i am epic" image. This is not her fault, though -- they are stubborn like their father (my SO)!