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Januarys hurt (ticker warning)

HeatherhahHeatherhah member
in Late Term and Child Loss

Every single January hurts my heart it was the month I became pregnant with our sweet Sydney I had her for 9 short months then she left me. I know it has been almost 16 months but it still hurts as much when I think of times like this when I was happy to have become pregnant with my sweet angel.

Yes I have my rainbow baby but that does not replace my sweet girl. Some people think that I should just be "over it or moved on" but that is impossible to do.

There really is no point to this post I was just thinking about this month and how all of the milestones of pregnancy will be hitting me harder again starting now until September.

Thanks for reading,

Heather  

DS- Brenden born 11/13/93 Missed miscarriage on March 6, 2007 @ 9 weeks D&C on March 8th 2007. Riley Annalise born 2/25/08 ( 3 weeks early weighing 8 lbs 12.8 oz.) Chemical pregnancy 3/2010. Sydney Adriana born sleeping on 9/30/11 weighing 10lbs 3 oz at 38wks 4 days. Trinity Alivia born via c section at 36 wks 4 days weighing 9 lbs. 5.7 oz. She is our amazing rainbow baby!!! Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers PGAL buddy drvst8
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Re: Januarys hurt (ticker warning)

  • tuscanbride2007tuscanbride2007 member

    I am so sorry you are feeling sad. I think people automatically think having another child will help stop the hurt and pain. I have a cousin whose first son was stillborn 17 years ago. She went on to have 2 more healthy boys. She still celebrates her first son's birthday and I know that people find it strange. I know I did before my loss. Now I absolutely understand.

     ((HUGS))

    BFP #1 12.24.07 - DD born @ 39w1d on 08.26.08
    BFP #2 08.04.11 - DD born still @ 37w3d on 03.25.12

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    TTC #3 since May 2012

    BFP #3 12.29.12 - CP @ 4w2d on 01.02.13
    BFP #4 10.17.13 - CP @ 4w2d on 10.23.13
    BFP #5 04.06.14 - MMC 05.07.14

    No longer trying to conceive.

    image    http://oi40.tinypic.com/15czrid.jpg     image

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  • WilliamandshawnnaWilliamandshawnna member

    Heather,

    I have no words, as I have yet to even reach a year, and dread the 25th of each month right now. There are people who have said to me that after 6 months I should be over it. Well, I'm not and I won't. I will live through this experience, but I am and never will get over it.

    I am sorry you are hurting.

    (HUGS)

    -Shawnna

    TTC #1 since 10/2010 RE consult 6/2011 PCOS (known) MFI IVF #1 w/ICSI 2/2012 BFP TRIPLETS our angels grew wings at 19.5 weeks 6.25.12 IVF #2 2/2013 Sono shows tissue Hysteroscopy needed Changing RE www.chasingstarsisbettertogether.com Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers ~~~all welcome~~~
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  • karebear57karebear57 member
    (((Hugs))) I'm so sorry Heather. Just because you have a new lo doesn't mean you're "all better" and I wish other people could see that. January is a tough one for me too because Bri was supposed to be a 1yr old Wilted Flower
    Tim 12/30/00 Brad 4/30/02 Alex 9/29/03 Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • starburst0928starburst0928

    I'm sorry you are having a rough time.

    I also want to thank you for sharing. I'm actively TTC and while I know becoming pregnant/having my rainbow won't make the sadness go away, I have hopes that it will make things better. From what you said here, and what I've heard elsewhere, that's not the reality of it.

     

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • jrebelejrebele member
    I have been feeling the same this week.  It was a year ago this week that we found out that we were pregnant and only two more weeks until we found out we would be having twins.  I treasure each day that we have with Eva but it doesn't stop the pain of missing our Sophia.  I have a feeling that the next few months are going to be a lot of "last year I was doing this..."  You are entitled to still grieve for your angel even if it has been 16 months or you have a rainbow.  Neither of those things takes away the loss we feel
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • HeatherhahHeatherhah member

    Thank you ladies and while I know I am blessed to have my rainbow I tell you having her really hit me hard seeing as how they look so much alike and still do. Now I only have newborn pics of Sydney but she still looks just Trinity. So the pain is there and the loss of the reality that all of my girls will be separated forever. I should have 3 here with me and I only have 2.

    If anyone is going down this road of trying to have your rainbow and would like to chat I am here as it is a very emotional rollercoaster!!

    Love you all- Heather

    DS- Brenden born 11/13/93 Missed miscarriage on March 6, 2007 @ 9 weeks D&C on March 8th 2007. Riley Annalise born 2/25/08 ( 3 weeks early weighing 8 lbs 12.8 oz.) Chemical pregnancy 3/2010. Sydney Adriana born sleeping on 9/30/11 weighing 10lbs 3 oz at 38wks 4 days. Trinity Alivia born via c section at 36 wks 4 days weighing 9 lbs. 5.7 oz. She is our amazing rainbow baby!!! Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers PGAL buddy drvst8
    Report Reply
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