GTKY: Combined or separate finances?

dbowitz · January 2013

Do you and your spouse/significant other combine your finances (all money is "our" money) or do you keep finances separate?

We keep separate finances. DH's income is higher than mine, so he pays most of the bills. I pay a few of the smaller ones and then each month we decide how much to put towards debt repayment/savings and the rest we each have leftover is our play money. My parents (who are happily married) always kept separate finances and my mom swears that it was the key to the success of their marriage (my dad is a "keep track to the penny" kind of guy and my mom is more "I have a rough idea of how much I have in the bank" .

WinterBenson · January 2013

We are combined. I absolutely HATE doing anything like paying bills or anything. Our incomes are about the same. He does all the money crap that I never want to do, plus manages our investments, and actually does some stuff with the stock market. We consult on everything over 100$ (sometimes even less) and he keeps me informed about how the stocks are doing, even though I could not care less. I don't know how much money we have in the bank, but I know how much we have saved/invested.

TheyCallMeMommi · January 2013

We do both - we have a shared bank account where the majority of our money goes. This account is used for our bills and extra expenses.

Then we each have our own "seperate" account that we each get an "allowance" each pay period that we can use as we want.

But the the bulk of our income goes into a shared account

wifeofadam · January 2013

DH and I both work and get a paycheck, but he makes a lot more than me. We have separate checking accounts, and since he pays the bills, I just take a portion of my paycheck each pay period and transfer it to his account.

From his account he pays all of our bills - mortgage, heat, electric, phones, etc.

From my checking account I pay for all groceries and our childcare for when I work

We also have an HSA to pay for medical bills and the money for it comes from his paycheck.

We have a shared savings account that we both contribute to.

But really, what's his is ours and what's mine is ours. If I am running low on money for groceries one month I will write a check from his account, I just have to make sure to let him know if it is a significant amount of money so he can account for that during bill time.

andieb0316 · January 2013

We combine ours, but I'm honestly not very good at finances so it's easier for him. haha We've never had any issues with it, I prefer it just so we're not having to go back and forth. But do what works for you two. My cousin and his wife have separate accounts and it works great for them.

almostjennifer · January 2013

We have always combined, which was obviously more relevant when I worked. Wink We each get seperate 'play' money biweekly that we don't have to account for to each other.

SidraJedi · January 2013

We began combining our finances after about a year of living together, maybe two years before we were married. We're bot the oldest siblings in our families and had a hard time getting out of that "this is yours, that is mine" mindset. combining finances helped unify us even before we married. It helps the team mindset to think of it all as "ours". Of course, I have had a really hard time in the past when I lost my job and was out of work for a year. I felt as if I wasn't contributing. I had to realign my ideas of what it meant to contribute. So did DH.

Whales124 · January 2013

We do both. We deposit a set amt of money into our joint acct then whatever is left goes into our individual accts. We alternate big purchases and I keep a savings acct that we can access if we need larger amts of money quickly and DH does stocks. It's nice to have our own money, and we make roughly the same so it's even. I think our system will have to be tweaked slightly when LO arrives, but we will just roll with it.

walter7878 · January 2013

We combine ours. I firmly believe that marriage means sharing everything, including money and access to banking accounts. Also, I make like 20% of our income.

NG2HD · January 2013

We have both. We have separate accounts (both are the same accounts from when we are single) that our paychecks get deposited into. He knows how much he needs for certain bills and I do for the bills I pay. My biggest fear with consolidating after we got married was our law school loans. I'm so afraid of thinking I have extra money in an account and then not being able to pay our loans - so we continue to keep that separate. Our savings accounts, credit union account and safe deposit box are obviously joint.

onlymeggan · January 2013

DH and I have linked accounts. We can see each others accounts and transfer money in between them but checks come out of mine and we have individual atm/debit cards. I can access his money through the ATM with my debit card but I never have. He carries cash and I use my card for everything LOL We each have certain bills we pay and purchases we discuss first. The way our pay schedules work out he gets paid on the weeks I don't so he gives me gas $$ when he gets paid and I transfer the money back to him when I get paid. It's a floating 50. If he writes a check he transfers the money to my account to cover it. It seems complicated to some people but it's what works best for us. It's combined and separate.

natalee36 · January 2013

TheyCallMeMommi:

We do both - we have a shared bank account where the majority of our money goes. This account is used for our bills and extra expenses.

Then we each have our own "seperate" account that we each get an "allowance" each pay period that we can use as we want.

But the the bulk of our income goes into a shared account

This is how we do it also. It works for us.

mrsdugger · January 2013

walter7878:
We combine ours. I firmly believe that marriage means sharing everything, including money and access to banking accounts. Also, I make like 20% of our income.

this

Puck1182 · January 2013

We combined finances when we bought our house. We have similar financial goals/philosophies, but I'm better at staying organized and record keeping and all that good stuff, so I'm basically the CFO of our marriage. We make big decisions together, but otherwise I just keep him aware of where our checking account stands and whether we're staying within budget for the month, and he let's me know if he needs to make any major purchases. It's worked pretty well for us for the past four years.

eriannc22 · January 2013

Ours are combined. Before we got married, when we were living together, we kept everything separate and split the bills and it was such a pain in the ass. Now I pretty much run our "books." (I am a CPA, and my mom always handled the money in my house.) DH was apprehensive about having a joint account a few years before we got married probably because his mom is terrible with money and has no access in their house, but he came around. We have separate credit cards and mostly spend as we wish. We haven't really had any problems with our system.

dbowitz · January 2013

This topic, not just you ladies, but my IRL friends and family too, is so fascinating to me. It took some time and trial and error before we found a rhythm that works for us.

JumpAroundBucky · January 2013

Combined. I am paid only on commission, and not regularly, so we need to have one basic account to pay everything with. Once we are where we want to be financially (out of debt, have a savings account, me bringing in more money), we'll probably have a joint and separate accounts.

2moms2b · January 2013

Ours sounds very complicated but its really not.

I have always had several accounts when I was single (investment, savings, checking, money market etc). When we got together my SO didn't use a bank account so we opened a joint account at my bank and opened her a separate checking account. I also added her to my savings account. I also dissolved my money market account and put it into savings just to have one less account.

Our paychecks are split between or joint account and our personal checking accounts. We use the joint account to pay the bills, cover common expenses such as groceries, gas etc. The money that goes into our accounts is ours. At the end of each month anything left in the bills account (generally there is unless of emergency), it gets transferred to our savings. We also routinely move money from our personal checkings to our savings if we aren't really using it.

Any large purchase is agreed upon by both (even from our own accounts) but for the most part we both know how much money we have, how much we need and don't question the others spending. We also use quickbooks to manage our accounts so we can at anytime see exactly how much money the house hold has in total.

My SO manages the bills from our joint account but we both sit down together when budgeting. She just manages the actual online bill pay aspect.

I really like our method as it is very open and honest but it makes buying presents etc easier and gives each of us some financial independence while sharing the weight of the bills.

JuliaBug · January 2013

Completely combined and have since day 1. He had a contract to work in the Middle East right after we got married so I didn't work for a few months while we lived over there. I SAH now so it's works out best to have joint accounts. I also pay the bills and handle all of our family finances.

bar italia · January 2013

separate. he pays the rent/utilities/most of the bills (i pay my half of the cellphone and our monthly home security/alarm fees, plus all the fees related to my business) and i pay for home type stuff like...new sheets, pillows, decor, and stuff like hotels when we do trips (we each buy our own plane tickets). i also buy my own clothes/makeup/frivolous stuff and most of the baby's clothes so far.

he buys his own stuff with his money but we both discuss large purchases either of us might want to make with our own money (usually anything over $100). we also typically both contribute on anything over $200 that is something we both will use.

we have a joint account, but only really use it when we are actively saving for a vacation or as a place to put money we receive together over the holidays (and this year that all went towards baby stuff).

irishmom2010 · January 2013

We are combined and I was given the torch, so to speak, when we got married, which is fine. I don't mind it. I have an Excel spreadsheet setup as our check register and my nerd side has a tab for each year, ending balance of prior year is pulled to Jan 1st of next year, etc.

My income is consistent but DH's fluctuates due to weather and job availability (he's in construction). Budgeting is key for us.

I keep DH filled in on what expenses we have coming, what's been paid off, what we have in each account, etc. He prefers it that way - he hated doing the bills and used to stress about it. He also wrote checks for everything, whereas I use the bill-pay feature through our bank so there's less room for error.

Drea926 · January 2013

We do both. We have a combined account for our mortgage and all of our joint bills. We have separate accounts/credit cards for our own individual purchases. It works out perfectly. And I like knowing I have my own money for when I want to go out with girlfriends or shop!

alcammor · January 2013

Combined but we have done it both ways. This in my opinion, is whatever system works for the couple. My dh was out of work and getting his masters for 3 of our 5 years of marriage. During that time nothing was combined, he lived off of his savings, and i paid everything from my salary. Honestly his ego couldn't hack seeing an account with the money just coming in from me (he never admitted, but i figured it out).

Now our system works, but could change if our jobs change. I do all of the money management but he really should. Guy worked on wall street for years, and i am doing it.....i need to pass the torch..i think we would have much more saved by now.

kleigh926 · January 2013

Ours is totally combined, and I manage all the finances. I'm a control freak and I think DH just likes the fact that he doesn't have to worry about it, so it works out well for us. Too many accounts to manage would drive me crazy. Of course, neither of us makes any major financial decisions without discussing it with each other.

ohlordy · January 2013

We are combined and have been since right after we got married. We were both at different banks (BofA and Wells Fargo) and when the talks of checking account fees began, we threw up middle fingers to both and started our combined financial future at a local credit union. I am very satisfied with our experience thus far (just over a year) and have no plans on leaving.

DH was married to satan many years ago and he could never trust her with any money, so I understood his nerves with combining finances. Once he saw how I managed my money, I think it put him at ease. Also, I drugged him before we signed up at the credit union. He doesn't remember a thing.

We definitely have a general rule that anything over $100 requires a quick chat with the other person. I have noticed that beyond this, we notify each other any time we make a non-necessity purchase (take-out/restaurant, clothes, electronics, prostitutes, etc.). I find it easier to keep accountability for each other and make wiser purchases.

abp51008 · January 2013

We are combined and it works great for us. My husband is a numbers guy and has our budget on an excel spreadsheet that he updates what seems like daily. I don't care too much about the finances so he gives me the rundown and how much I can spend on groceries and others for the month. This works out great for us but like I said, I don't like dealing with paying bills, etc.

Aegis2005 · January 2013

When we were living together and engaged it was separate. When we got home from our honeymoon we combined. I found it to be a PITA to have separate finances.

krissywave · January 2013

We are combined. I pay all the bills. Anything over $100 we talk about except for food. i mean we both need to eat and I do most of the shopping so its a no brainer.

sararn2004 · January 2013

NG2HD:
We have both. We have separate accounts (both are the same accounts from when we are single) that our paychecks get deposited into. He knows how much he needs for certain bills and I do for the bills I pay. My biggest fear with consolidating after we got married was our law school loans. I'm so afraid of thinking I have extra money in an account and then not being able to pay our loans - so we continue to keep that separate. Our savings accounts, credit union account and safe deposit box are obviously joint.

This is similar to why we have separate accounts. Dh has some outstanding debts that they sometimes take his tax returns and whatnot, so until we clear up his past and debts from the way he lived back then we feel it's better to have separate.

He pays most of the bills with his paycheck, mostly because I don't want the hassle. I did that when I was a single mom and I am so grateful to not do it now...although I sometimes have to check up on him. Like the other day he said he thought he let the car insurance lapse for like a week. This is not okay, my friend was at risk of losing her house when she had an accident uncovered by insurance and it was her fault. My paycheck pays for the mortgage, my son's private school, the other car's insurance and whatever he can't pay of the bills. Whatever is left over I move to savings accounts. He trusts me on all that because he knows I'm better with money. I mean, he came into the marriage with lots of debt, I came into it with at least a modest savings for our age.

I don't think joint accounts are necessary as long as everything is still shared and talked about.

bumpuser5925118 · January 2013

We have seperate accounts, and a joint savings. H makes a little bit more than me, so we split the bills to account for that. I pay the mortgage, my student loans, my gym and putting money into savings, and he pays for everything else.

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