Bedtime and sleep advice

eatmorecupcakes · January 2013

Within the last few weeks, DS has started struggling at bedtime. Prior to this, DH would lay him in his crib and tell him it's time for night night and he needed to lay down. DS would sometimes roll around or stand up and down but would eventually go to sleep. If he cried at all, it was just a little and DH would hug him and then he'd lay back down again. DH would stay in the room until he went to sleep.

Now all of a sudden it is like a battle royale. DS screams and is essentially crying it out which I am not ok with. DH still stays in the room, but the process is taking over an hour and is absolutely breaking my heart.

We stopped co sleeping around 4 months because DS refused to sleep, so unfortunately bringing him into our bed isn't the answer. Also, he doesn't want to be rocked on the nights he acts like this. I have no problem rocking or bouncing him to sleep, but he isn't having it. Naps are no problem. I bounce him for 5 minutes and out he goes.

Any advice? I can't see what is currently happening being the only answer. I just don't want him to be so upset every night. TIA.

TiffanyBerry · January 2013

Is he screaming unless your husband takes him out of the crib, regardless of whether your husband talks to him, rubs his back, or just sits across the room? That's a tough one, and - assuming you've checked diapers, hunger, thirst, pain (teething!!), fear (shapes, darkness, sounds), and discomfort (temperature, clothing, etc.)... I'm not sure there's a lot else you can do.

A pure behavior modification approach might suggest that if he starts screaming, your husband should leave the room. (I am assuming your son WANTS your husband in the room here.) Tell him, on leaving, that "I can't stay in here while you are screaming. It's bedtime, and that means quiet. If you can be quiet, I will come back in." And then he leaves. And stays out until your son is quiet for ... like 5 seconds. Then goes back in. This can repeat, of course, and your husband should expect better and better behavior each time - the first time is 5 seconds, the second 10, then continue to increase - slowly, but ALWAYS WAITING for the appropriate increment before going in.

(You're technically using negative reinforcement here - removing something of value when undesired behavior occurs. It's tough, because finding positive reinforcement is tricky here. You can't give him the reward he probably wants (out of the crib) for laying down and being quiet. But your DH can offer him *some* positive reinforcement in the way of praise. Then you can work both the negative reinforcement of undesired behavior and the positive reinforcement of desired behavior.)

BelhurstBride · January 2013

Is it possible he's over tired?

Merried_2008 · January 2013

I'm on my phone so I can't see how old he is. We've been through the ringer with DS. Lately I've been doing the "if you want me to stay, please stop screaming" and it works. Maybe that's not the right thing to do but it's all that works.

eatmorecupcakes · January 2013

BelhurstBride:
Is it possible he's over tired?

We've thought this as well. He is down to one nap around 11am for about an hour to an hour and a half and then down for the night around 6:30pm. I'm just not sure how to get any more sleep out of him!

For now, DH has gone back to bouncing him to sleep and I guess we are starting from "scratch." We weaned him off it once, so maybe it is just what he needs right now for whatever reason. (teeth, growth spurt, just his age, new baby - although this started before the new baby)

I think we'll try to get him back on track and then go with some of the suggestions you ladies have given here. Thank you!

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