STAYING asleep.

JayandEmm · January 2013

We bedshare and ds will not stay asleep if I leave the bed. He goes to bed around 7:30, and I usually play on my phone for 2 hours before I go to sleep. I wish I could spend that 2 hours with DH, but if I leave the bed ds either wakes immediately or 30 minutes later. Naps aren't really any different, so I don't get a lot, if any, alone time with DH.

Any tips or suggestions to get him to stay asleep without me?

alliecat1234 · January 2013

I have a William, too

We bed-shared until 6 months and he was the same way - I had to go to bed when he did and in the early months we could go to bed around 9pm and I was tired then anyways and didn't mind. But as his bedtime became earlier I started to resent the fact that I had to go to bed at 7:30/8PM, too. So we would start him out in his swing in his room next to his crib for the beginning of the night, and then when he would wake for the first time I would bring him into bed with me. It was usually around 9/10PM so I was ready for bed then anyways. And then around 6 months we transitioned him to the crib fulltime for sleep. It turned out to be the best for us. You have to figure out what works for you but don't be afraid to try different things.

jshf · January 2013

For both kids I start them out on a toddler mattress on the floor, nurse then get up once they fall asleep. They also would wake 3045 min after they fell asleep. I nurse them again and the second time they usually stay asleep until 10. At that time I go to bed. Eventually DS 1 would go longer periods and after I weaned at 18 months we did a mild non cio sleep training at 22 months. I'm hoping DS 2 will be easier to train now that I know what to do. Gl!

RioG1978 · January 2013

I only bedshare half the night for that reason. She starts the night in her crib, then comes to bed with me after her first or second wakeup after I go to bed. Lately that's been early-ish - 10 or so. A month ago sometimes she'd sleep almost the whole night in her crib. The average has been 11 or 12.

Do you bedshare because you feel it's important developmentally? Or just because it's the easiest way to get sleep? It's a little of both for me, which is why I really like the routine we've got.

andreality · January 2013

I am in the EXACT same boat right now. My LO used to sleep for several hours in my bed before I would be ready to join her, but now I am lucky to get 30 minutes. I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions for you.... but wanted to say you are not alone!

I ordered NCSS since everyone here always recommends it and am hoping it's got something I am comfortable with. I don't know how your husband feels about the situation, but mine who is NOT an emotional person broke down and cried yesterday. He said he feels like LO and I are this twosome and he is just good for the income.. it broke my heart and made me really realize something has to change.

JayandEmm · January 2013

RioG1978:
I only bedshare half the night for that reason.nbsp; She starts the night in her crib, then comes to bed with me after her first or second wakeup after I go to bed.nbsp; Lately that's been earlyish 10 or so.nbsp; A month ago sometimes she'd sleep almost the whole night in her crib.nbsp; The average has been 11 or 12.nbsp;
nbsp;Do you bedshare because you feel it's important developmentally?nbsp; Or just because it's the easiest way to get sleep?nbsp; It's a little of both for me, which is why I really like the routine we've got.nbsp;

I bedshare because it's the only place he sleeps longer than half an hour. Lol. And I do enjoy it.

RioG1978 · January 2013

JayandEmm:
RioG1978:
I only bedshare half the night for that reason.nbsp; She starts the night in her crib, then comes to bed with me after her first or second wakeup after I go to bed.nbsp; Lately that's been earlyish 10 or so.nbsp; A month ago sometimes she'd sleep almost the whole night in her crib.nbsp; The average has been 11 or 12.nbsp; nbsp;Do you bedshare because you feel it's important developmentally?nbsp; Or just because it's the easiest way to get sleep?nbsp; It's a little of both for me, which is why I really like the routine we've got.nbsp;
I bedshare because it's the only place he sleeps longer than half an hour. Lol. And I do enjoy it.

After I posted I saw your signature with his age. 4 months was when we started bedsharing as well - 4 month wakeful. And it was exactly like that, up every 30 minutes. I think at that age she was still going to bed late enough that I didn't mind going at the same time.

It might be worth trying to have him go down in a bassinette or something, even if you have to put him back to sleep a few times? It would give you a bit of time with your DH, anyway.

klafle3 · January 2013

kbruington:
I guess this is another reason I don't fully understand bed sharing. I love having my LO around, but he needs some independence and so do the hubby and I.

Says the lady whose child STTN... I suppose I wouldn't understand bed sharing, either, if my kid slept in his crib all night long.

To OP, LO starts out the night in his crib and I put him in bed with me after his first or second waking (some time around 10). I agree with the PP who said to try different things. If you continue staying in bed with him because of your fear of him waking up, you'll never know what else will work.

BelhurstBride · January 2013

kbruington:
I guess this is another reason I don't fully understand bed sharing.

That's pretty easy to say if you have an easy sleeper. I think many mom's who chose to BS do so because it's the only thing that works.

OP, DD went through the same phase at the same age. I really never found a trick that worked other than just powering through it.

Jenny952 · January 2013

What is it about the 30-minute mark? My DD still does that sometimes! Could you maybe try putting him down in his crib while still asleep? When he wakes after 30 minutes, nurse and put back down again after he falls back to sleep? Maybe daddy can try to rock him when he wakes up for the first time? That will give you some time in the evening to get yourself ready for bed and do anything you need to do for the next day - prepare lunches and daycare bags if you work. Or just give you time to shower

Good luck!

skibunny59 · January 2013

kbruington:
I guess this is another reason I don't fully understand bed sharing. I love having my LO around, but he needs some independence and so do the hubby and I.

Just to clarify, there are many many people who bedshare who aren't in the situation that the OP is in. My DD starts the night out in her crib. DH and I have time for ourselves when she goes to bed at 7:00. She usually ends up in our bed around 11 or 12 when she wakes up. I didn't understand bedsharing until DD came along. Now, we love it (even DH). It really is wonderful.

OP - How are you putting your DS down? Have you tried making his sleeping area warm for him? We used to bedshare all night when DD was a newborn. When I transitioned her to her own sleeping space so DH and I could have part of the night to ourselves, I would put a heating pad down on her mattress before putting her down to make her bed nice and warm.

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