Considering adoption. Advice? Information?

Re: Considering adoption. Advice? Information?

• twister22 member

  January 2013

  I'm guessing Kyle is your DH? It's a bit hard to understand from your OP. If you want to adopt Carter, you would need the consent of both his mother and father, or Carter would need to be a ward of the state and you would need approval for adoption from the state.

  
  

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• cole2144 member

  January 2013

  Where is his father? I think you are right to seek custody if you are to take the child in but prepare yourself that mom may come back into the picture if she is looking at losing CS. You should look into whether your state has a specific amount of time that needs to pass before the child is considered abandoned by his mother. That may make it easier for you to seek custody. Good luck.
  

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• hopecounts member

  January 2013

  be aware that in most stars a phone call resets the abandonment clock the same as a visit even if it's to the adult watching the child and not the child.

   My parents managed to get custody of my cousin in a similar situation (she was older though) but it was difficult and ultimately my parents had to negotiate with my Cousin's mom (my uncle was deceased) and pressure/convince her to give them gaurdianship since she don't want to give up my cousin's military survivor benefits she received from her Dad's death.

  also the dad will have to be dealt with if he's paying child support it can be tricky though depending on the situation he may agree to sign over his rights in exchange for no child support. What's his situation? Would he at all be a decent parent? 

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• kbeamer25

  January 2013

  cole2144:

  Where is his father? I think you are right to seek custody if you are to take the child in but prepare yourself that mom may come back into the picture if she is looking at losing CS. You should look into whether your state has a specific amount of time that needs to pass before the child is considered abandoned by his mother. That may make it easier for you to seek custody. Good luck.
  

  His father pays child support to Carter's mother but has never been involved with Carter- Does not want to be. Thank you for your advice!

  

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• kbeamer25

  January 2013

  hopecounts:

  be aware that in most stars a phone call resets the abandonment clock the same as a visit even if it's to the adult watching the child and not the child.

   My parents managed to get custody of my cousin in a similar situation (she was older though) but it was difficult and ultimately my parents had to negotiate with my Cousin's mom (my uncle was deceased) and pressure/convince her to give them gaurdianship since she don't want to give up my cousin's military survivor benefits she received from her Dad's death.

  also the dad will have to be dealt with if he's paying child support it can be tricky though depending on the situation he may agree to sign over his rights in exchange for no child support. What's his situation? Would he at all be a decent parent? 

  

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• kbeamer25

  January 2013

  hopecounts:

  be aware that in most stars a phone call resets the abandonment clock the same as a visit even if it's to the adult watching the child and not the child.

   My parents managed to get custody of my cousin in a similar situation (she was older though) but it was difficult and ultimately my parents had to negotiate with my Cousin's mom (my uncle was deceased) and pressure/convince her to give them gaurdianship since she don't want to give up my cousin's military survivor benefits she received from her Dad's death.

  also the dad will have to be dealt with if he's paying child support it can be tricky though depending on the situation he may agree to sign over his rights in exchange for no child support. What's his situation? Would he at all be a decent parent? 

  To be frank, Carter's dad had a one night stand with Darcie (Carter's mom) he wants nothing to do with Carter and hasn't since the day Carter was born. He has two kids with another woman now to whom he is married to but she will not allow him to have anything to do with Carter. (Real messed up) My DH Kyle, is almost certain we could get Jeremy (Carter's dad) to sign over rights, but I know Darci would not!

  

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• kbeamer25

  January 2013

  JNL$LSM:

  DH and I did something similar. We have legal custody of our 5 year nephew, we went to court and filed. Many states also have kinship, where you can file for legal rights of the child I am not sure where you live. You should contact your county and see what they have. We hired a family lawyer she did all the filing we got a court date. We had to testify in court and explain the situation. DN Mom was there but we had no ideal where the his Dad was. So mailed letters (our lawyer and the state guardian ad Litem) we also put something in the newspaper. He did not respond to the court, but he did call my lawyer, he stated that he did not DN and did not care what happen to him as long as he did not have to pay child support. We had two more court dates and a month and half later we had guardianship of DN. I think your first stop is talking to a lawyer or your county court house. If the Mom is not 100% for adoption maybe you can start with legal custody (where DH and I make all the legal decisions for DN and he lives with us and we determine when and where he visits his mother once that established and you can keep a log of her contact then you can move to have her rights terminated and adopt the child. Good Luck!! And thank you not many people would do what you and your DH is doing. Oh and be prepare for some backlash, everyone was not supportive. If you have any questions please to send me message. God Bless

   Thank you so much for your advice! I will definitely start there. I understand my DH (Kyle) and I are in for a fight, but I think Carter deserves to have a good family to be a part of where he will be loved, secure with, and above all stable. Darci (his mother) has never provided that intention or effort for him and it just breaks my heart. Being that I have a little girl of my own as well as one on the way, I don't want his instability with his mother to create complications with our family later down the road. My DH adores Carter and it would break his heart to see Carter in a situation where he would be abused and eventually a warden of the state. I appreciate your feedback!!

  

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• kbeamer25

  January 2013

  twister22:

  I'm guessing Kyle is your DH? It's a bit hard to understand from your OP. If you want to adopt Carter, you would need the consent of both his mother and father, or Carter would need to be a ward of the state and you would need approval for adoption from the state.

   We are seeking another way to receive even legal guardianship for Carter. I'm not against her being in his life, I just believe as a mother myself, that she is doing more damage to his mental and emotional well being than any contribution. Carter deserves more!! Darci (Carter's mom) will not relinguish her rights because she needs the child support money and as mad as she makes me, I'm sure deep down she loves him. She acts in no way like a mother though. Carter's dad (Jeremy) has no contact or involvment with Carter and Kyle (My DH) spoke with him previously about this intention and Jeremy was completely on board wtih awarding us guardianship. So we're in for a fight

  

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• kbeamer25

  January 2013

  I sincerely appreciate your response ladies! I feel like we have more direction as to what steps we should/could take. Win or lose, Carter is worth the fight and hard work to try and get this worked out for his benefit. God bless you all and thanks again!

  

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