Two Under 2

Desperate

My husband and I are lost.. My daughter entire life she has just had an awful attitude from the day she was born.. We have never babied her or allowed her to get away with anything but still yet two months before she is turning two we cannot go anywhere due to her attitude.. She throws the most awful fits not normal toddler fits these fits are slapping mommy or daddy, screaming, just downright disrespectful and usually over nothing... It brings me to tears the humiliation I go thru when I do take her in public... I love my daughter to pieces and I feel as if her attitude is unfair to her and us both.. We have tried time out, we have spanked, we have literally exhausted every option.. I calmly try to talk to her and explain that her behavior is not ok and I get slapped.. I am to the point of seeking professional help! She is good for everyone else in this world but me.. Any help to offer? Or is anyone else experiencing this or am I alone?

Re: Desperate

  • I would recommend seeking some professional help both to have an outsider for advice and also for yourself during this stressful time.  
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  • Do you think looking to books is an option first or immediately seek like a therapist or counselor or child behavioral dr like I'm not sure which direction to go
  • Get to a doctor.  Now.

    It could be a number of things.  She could be acting out because of dietary issues, she could have some sort of disorder, she could just need a third party to help translate her feelings to you, etc.  There are SO MANY possibilities.  Get to a medical professional.  Start with her pediatrician.  Be persistent.

    Behavioral issues are part of the deal, but they should be manageable with consistency and discipline.  

    Explain her daily routines, explain her diet, explain what triggers her outbursts, etc.  Start keeping a diary of these things -- wake time (total sleep hours), food, activities, interaction with different people (how does she act with her peers or other adults vs you).  The more information you can give to her pediatrician, the more they can help you or give you a referral to specialists to help you out.

    This just seems a little too extreme to chalk it up to typical toddler tantrums. 

    Prudence
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  • I don't know...you said she's 22 months? Toddlers at that age can be VERY difficult. DD1 was similar in that she would completely freak out, hit, kick - whatever it took for her to get her point across. Some of her public tantrums were extremely embarrassing at the time and made me feel like the worst mom.

    I don't think a child that young can really be disrespectful to be honest. They're like little miniature cavemen at that age and any attempt to reason with them generally fails. 

    With DD1, it really was just a stage and within several months, the tantrums ended. Now as a 3 year old we have different attitude issues with her, but that's pretty typical as well.

    I guess I would discuss your concerns with your pedi, however, just to make sure you cover all your bases. He/she may possibly be able offer some suggestions as to how to handle her in these situations.

    Good luck. 

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  • I think you've reached the point where professional help is appropriate. I think you owe it to yourself and your daughter. You sound like you love her a lot, but if you're so frustrated you've resorted to corporal punishment on a toddler, I think it's time for outside help. Soon. Good luck.
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  • Her pediatrician has just said that's how kids r strong willed and that we need to embrace it but its beyond embrace and she has been this way since the day she was born it didn't just start in her toddler years its just getting worse in her toddler years bcuz of her vocabulary she can communicate to me but its more hateful verbiage...

    I don't find that there's anything wrong with spanking her by any means but since its not effective due to her being so strong willed and not caring it gets me no where just right along with time out and even when I calmly explain to her that her attitude is unacceptable that we can work this out if she can calm down and communicate. Doesn't work

    Like I said def not a typical toddler tantrums here and there this is a daily reoccurring situation down right hatefulness towards her father and I and the belief that she gets to so what she wants no matter what even tho I have never raised her that way
  • I don't care what your pediatrician said.  It's not something that you can manage, so you need help.  Like I said before...  BE PERSISTENT.  If he/she doesn't have the answers for you, seek the assistance of some other professional.

    Switch pedis if you have to.  You are the advocate for your child's well-being.  Be loud, and insist that someone help you. 

    Prudence
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  • I appreciate the advice JaysonandKristin it was most hopeful and I agree I am to that point that what the pediatrician has said wasn't obviously the best advice as far as just embracing how strong willed she is and what not but I was just stating that's what she has told me and I am overlooking that at this point.. Which is why I was seeking advice from other parents because no one in my family, friends, baby sitter have experienced a child with such behavior before and are at a loss.. I am persistent with her in our ways and she has her good days but if its a bad day it's a bad day for all
  • You might want to look into the Early Intervention programs in your state. I'm not sure exactly how it works everywhere, but here they can test and provide therapeutic services for a variety of issues. It is a service for children birth through age 3.
                 

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  • Oh wow I've never heard of something like that before early intervention I will definitely look into it we are from missouri
  • Try this website. https://dese.mo.gov/se/fs/EligReferral.html

    There is a phone number listed there, and they should be able to give you more information on whether your LO can be referred for testing. Good luck!

                 

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