how many kids?

egb+jaf · January 2013

how many children do you want/think you'll have? stm+, how did you know when you were done? my husband wants a big family but i (at this point) cant foresee more than this one. even before i got pregnant, i only envisioned one. pregnancy, while having been delightfully uneventful (besides ms and gbs+), does not treat me kindly. maybe i'll feel differently later but the only way is see myself with more than just one is if they were spaced out at least 4.5-5 years, and even then only ONE more, TOPS.

i feel a bit stuck because while dh understands where i'm coming from and would never guilt me about it, the heartbreak he feels from this is palpable. im really hoping that when our little girl gets here he'll see that it isnt quite as easy as just poppin them out and reconsider wanting so many. does that sound terrible? he is a wonderful father already and every child we would potentially have would be blessed to have such a wonderful man as a dad and i feel like i am almost robbing him of something. please talk me off this cliff, i feel so sad for my dh. what were yalls experiences?

yecal262 · January 2013

I wanted a lot of children. It was difficult for me to get pregnant. We battled infertility. It was hard for me to stay pregnant. It is hard to be pregnant. I have had infertility issues, bed rest from 20 weeks on, a miscarriage, horrible morning sickness, preterm labor, preeclampsia, and a emergency c section. I think we are done after this one. I have prayed and prayed for a little boy and I feel in my heart that once he is safely here that my family is complete. God may have a different plan but as of right now I feel content with the family we have been blessed with. I'm just tired. Never say never though because I am learning the very tough lesson that I am not in control of any of this. Dh wanted a big family too, I think we are both just tired.

egb+jaf · January 2013

thanks for your input! i can relate to some of that, which is why i think im done. it took us a long time to get pregnant (3+ yrs) and along the way i found out i had endometriosis, a pituitary tumor which elevated my prolactin levels causing anovulation, and struggled with reoccurring cysts.

from my point of view: it took so long to get just this one child, how could i not be totally fulfilled with just her knowing what it took to get her here? from his point of view: it took so long to conceive this one why would we not try for as many as nature will allow knowing how long it might take to get another pregnancy,especially now that we know how important a family is to us after thinking its something we would never be able to achieve naturally?

ninambutler · January 2013

I always thought I wanted 4 kids but I honestly don't know if I can go through pregnancy again. I have had so many complications and been so miserable. The pregnancy was unexpected to begin with and I have had hyperemesis, a growth restricted baby, uterine irritability, and imminent early induction, amongst many other complications. I'm only 21 years old and not sure that I will be with the father of my child forever. If I do move on I have many child bearing years with my future SO be it the one I have now or someone else. It will probably depend on financial security and marital status as well because I want to have a very stable environmbt before ever considering another baby. Honestly, who knows! I desperately want many children but I'm scared of pregnancy.

kateryna72 · January 2013

DH and I always planned on having 2 or 3 kids, and so far that is basically still the plan. However, I've had quite a few unexpected complications that will probably become even more troubling during subsequent pregnancies. After LO is here safely, we plan to reassess our family plan and have a frank conversation with the doctor regarding risk for future pregnancies.

Before we even tried to conceive, we decided that adoption was always an option for us. We've even talked about the possibility of adopting a special needs child, because we feel in our hearts that they deserve loving homes too and we are lucky enough to have the resources to support a special needs child. If it becomes too risky to have more biological children, we will probably start to explore adoption as a possible option.

As first time parents though, we have absolutely no idea what we're in for so we're leaving everything somewhat open ended for now.

toriwc · January 2013

Originally, we had planned on two. When it took four years and two losses to get DD, DH became pretty adamantly one and done, though I still wanted two. We threw caution to the wind on vacation, never expecting anything considering how difficult TTC was with DD, and voila, we're on our way to two.

We orignally decided on two because that is what we can afford and have room for without moving again.

emriley84 · January 2013

We both want(ed) 3. My pregnancy with DS#1 was a piece of cake. This pregnancy however, it killing me. I'm so tired, achy, and I have GD, on insulin. I have at least 2 drs appts/week from here til the end of pregnancy. Also, we found out last week that the baby has potential kideny issues, and markers for Down syndrome. We are waiting for a consult to find out more.

I can't imagine doing this again with 2 little ones at home. I already feel overwhelmed with my one little guy!

Kota26 · January 2013

We still plan on 2-3. This pregnancy with LO #1 has been really rough, but the more kids you have the better the chance that one of them will become ridiculously wealthy to take care of me in my golden years Paradise

onlymeggan · January 2013

We want 3 kids. If #3 is another boy then we will try for 4. If #4 is a boy well then we have 4 boys because we are done at 4. I hope #3 is a girl and we can just call it done at that point. I love being pregnant even through the unpleasant stuff but I think 2 boys and 1 girl would just be so perfect for us.

kfarmer92 · January 2013

I thought I wanted three or four kids, then my gyno said it would be nearly impossible to conceive so I put in my mind I would never have any kids. So I feel so blessed to have gotten pregnant, despite her being a huge surprise. After complications with this pregnancy, my low conception chances, and not being with her father anymore, I probably won't have any more kids...unless I adopt![:

CBomback · January 2013

DH comes from a large family and wants a million kids. I told him 2 pregnancies is my limit, and considering what we went through to finally get this pregnancy (terrible miscarriage/complete molar pregnancy/follow-up chemo for 3 months, and then no trying for 6 months/fertility treatments because my hormones were so out of whack from the chemo), he is almost OK with that at this point. If we earn more money than we projected for ourselves, I would be more than open to adopting a third child, but we live in the NY metro area, and I don't want to have more kids than we can afford to raise in a way at least similarly as comfortable as me and DH were raised.

lightgetsin · January 2013

When we first started we said 3 or 4. This will be our 4th and last. I never really felt like we were complete as a family with 3 and I already feel more complete just being pg with the 4th. Mine are spaced out about 3 years between each, except for #2 & #3 are about 4 years between them. My oldest is almost 10 now so it took us 10 years to have 4 Smile . I can't imagine having had them any closer together although I know that people do.

After #2 was born, I found it to be a huge adjustment and in my mind I was DONE having kids, so I gave the baby stuff away. A couple of years later, I thought "well this isn't so bad" so we decided on #3. Same thing after #3, I gave away everything because it was crazy for that first year and I was DONE. A couple of years go by and I think "one more would be nice." so now I have bought baby stuff 3 times in the last 10 years!! Moral of the story is - put the stuff in the attic and hang on to it because you just never know.

lkm2006 · January 2013

We both come from large families and we want a large family, probably about 5 or 6 total.

I can tell you, having two pregnancies so close together has been rough. We will definitely be waiting a while for number 3. I will probably have 3 and 4 close together, but not as close.

jamiedsgirl · January 2013

I originally wanted just one. We even bought a house that really only worked for one kid. However, once DS was about 1 year old, I started wanting another. Now I want 3-4! However, we'd have to wait several years between DS#2 and another one if we decide we want more due to finances. Daycare is $1400 a month for an infant, plus the cost for my toddler. We could not do three in daycare. Plus, what about college and private school! Anyway, I really, really hope that after I have this baby, I will be happy with two and not want any more. It would really make our lives much simpler to only have two. This pregnancy has sucked, too, and I really don't feel like going through it again.

pamelaam2468 · January 2013

I've never had an idea of "hue many." I just figure I'll know when I'm done! My husband and I got married and two months later were pregnant. I had horrible HG and then my newborn had super bad colic so I said I was DONE! However when she was SIX MONTHS old I said, "maybe one more!" Two days later we were pregnant again! This pregnancy wasn't do bad, but I had severe post partum depression and had to be on meds for a year. My husband said, "no more!" Well our second is three and we are pregnant again! This pregnancy has had complication after complication. I have severe HG and still throw up. I've passed out many times. I have GD. My pelvis gas separated and I feel like I can barely walk. But I still feel like we will have another! I definitely wouldn't make any "how many" decisions while pregnant or even while having a newborn. No matter how horrible pregnancy is, you just never know how you will feel a year or two down the road! Sorry for any errors. I'm on my iPad and it won't let me go back and fix mistakes!

redcatz · January 2013

We keep going back and forth on this one. We have always said that we wanted two kids. When we think about the financials and the "freedom" aspect, we'd be perfectly ok with one. We're going to send our daughter to private schools starting at the age of 3, all the way through high school. Education is extremely important to us, and we'd be stretched a bit with two kids in private school. I also think about travel expenses for vacations, that kind of thing. I have a horse, and we take a big trail riding trip with my husband's family every year. Right now, my husband rides his parents' spare. I'd love to buy another horse for my kid(s), so with more than one, that could be crazy expensive.

I'm 37 and it took us over 2 years to get pregnant, so I'm feeling a lot of pressure to decide on this quickly. I think for the first year or so, we're going to go with the leave it to fate option. Stay off birth control, but don't try to get pregnant either. After that year, we can make a firm decision.

CloudBee · January 2013

We will probably just have one. Definitely no more than 2. We travel a lot, and more than 2 just wouldn't suit our lifestyle. There's so much more we can do (logistically) with just 1-2 children vs 3+.

MrsWindyCity · January 2013

This will be our second and last. Back in the day, we considered 3 but we had #1 a little later than anticipated. Plus, it's freaking expensive. Daycare for 2 alone is making me freak out! And, I'm already looking forward to traveling (both with DH and with the family), and I don't want to travel with an infant, so I don't want to start over again when #2 is just getting to be a great age for traveling (sort of like DS is now, hah).

I wouldn't worry too much right now. Things could change. We both wanted 2 when we had DS, and then my husband wavered for a while, and wanted to be one and done. He then came back around to wanting a second, which was important to me, for a few reasons. It's really hard to plan how your life will go, with regards to kids, but having one first makes it "easier" to plan since you have some perspective. You could change your mind, or you might not. Bottom line, I would just enjoy the one you're going to have before worrying about anything else right now.

happy_un-bride · January 2013

We only want the one. So, we are done after this.

Shoshie · January 2013

We are one and done.

Happy2BPregnant · January 2013

I want 3 children. I was never close with my brother growing up and always wished I had another sibling. My husband wants two. But, we shall see. Smile

rm2013 · January 2013

We've always said 2 or 3. If we have one of each gender, then I think that's a wrap. If we have two of the same then we'd go for 3. I'm not a spring chicken so we're planning to wait 6 months after this one comes and then start up the baby making again. I can't afford to put any real time between LOs at my age, and it would be nice to get all my childbearing out of the way in one stretch and be done! And I want my kids to have a strong sibling relationship. I'm much older than my siblings so I grew up as an only child basically.

MSW_721 · January 2013

We'll probably be done after two. DH and I both come from families with two kids and I think that's influenced us. I like the idea of three kids but I think financially and mentally, we're better equipped to just have two. We'll see though. I don't think we'll do anything permanent to prevent pregnancy but I am considering something long term like an IUD. I'm a little sad that this will probably be my last pregnancy and my last baby though.

mlrafiki · January 2013

Our intentions currently stand at 2-4 kids. I was originally stoked to have as many as possible (6 kids FTW!), but since I'll be nearly 29 when our first is born in March and since there is NO WAY I will do back-to-back pregnancies, I'm scaling back my ambitions a little bit. DH is pretty flexible: he comes from a big family, and tends to think we should have as many kids as we can afford to care for. I suspect we may adjust our plans again depending on how easy/difficult LO#1 is.

As to your particular situation, OP, I can only say this: everyone tells me that you feel differently before, during, after, and much later after your pregnancy. I know that my mom wanted no kids and my dad wanted 6, they compromised at 1 and a few years after I was born, my mom agreed to 2. So, a woman who never wanted children ended up with 2 and was very happy (or so she says!). You just never know how you're going to feel, so don't shoot down your DH's hopes just yet!

ahcantrell90 · January 2013

My DH and I have talked about it. We want 2-3 more after this one, and then we would like to adopt at some point as well. Besides me being super emotional all the time and having PUPPPS...I would definitely do this again. I've always wanted a big family and he feels the same.

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