DE has not been a good experience for me

Mrs.McIrish · January 2013

I felt it was important to post my experience since there are a lot of intros from people considering this route as well as a lot of happy ladies that were successful. I wanted to share my experience which has not been good or happy. My OE history is in my siggy so I won't restate that. DH finally agreed to DE in July 2012. Due to financial constraints, I chose a clinic that was low cost in the DE realm but didn't have the best stats. I would get 5-7 mature eggs under the arrangment. As someone who never produced more than 3 eggs myself, this deal seemed like it was sufficient. I wasn't really interested in frosties or a sibling. Due to my age and DH's age, we would be happy with one child.

I was blindsided when I got to my first DE ET. I had crappy embryos. We transferred 3 since they were so bad. I had concerns about the stimming process and the fact that my clinic doesn't do Sunday ERs or ETs. I wondered if that affected the embryos. I had DH's sperm tested for DNA frag after the fact since it was so puzzling. The frag test was fine.

I picked another donor in November who had just yielded a positive for her receipient. She agreed to do a 2nd cycle. She was in the midst of stims last week when I got a call that she backed out! My insurance expires the end of March 2013 so I was desparate to cycle and couldn't start over due to time. The clinic offered us a few cycling donors and I like one of them who was retrieved last Friday. DH and I jumped in the car on a moment's notice to do a 10 hr round trip to the clinic. I found out after the fact that I was a 3rd recipient. It was hidden from me as I would not have accepted the 3rd spot. I only got 5 eggs. Today was day 3 and the embryos are not doing well. Of the 5, the best is a "fair" 5 and 7 cell. We will transfer on Wednesday but I have little hope at this point. I just cannot get a good quality embryo and I don't know why. My current donor is proven. This was our final attempt at DE so we will be CFNBC if this fails.

Anyway, this is my story. Not everyone gets a happy ending and REs make you think that DE is the golden ticket. National DE stats is a 55% live birth rate. 45% of us are failing. How many times you can afford to cycle may be the answer. For others, you may have unknown, undiagnosed immune issues that cannot be fixed without huge sums of money and a repro immunoligist having you try all sorts of expensive treatements. There are many unknowns and DE is not a guarantee.

Most people are not as unlucky as me in this process but others will fail. I just wanted to let people know it isn't all rainbows and puppy dogs.

Sophistikitty · January 2013

Thank you for posting this McIrish.

I can?t believe that your clinic was not upfront with you about the number of recipients... Completely unconscionable.

I am still praying that this works out for you. Huge hugs.

erink1981 · January 2013

I'm so sorry to hear about your difficulties. I hope your embies turn into rockstars and your transfer on Wednesday is a smooth process.

I can't speak for anyone else but I definitely know this process isn't all rainbows and puppies. I think most that reach this destination have had more than their fair share of bumps in the road. For me, DE is giving me hope I never had and while I know there is a chance it may not work, I'm holding onto hope until I see that day.

I wish you and your husband the best and that this cycle is it for you. Keep us posted.

happywifemomofone · January 2013

McIrish-wishing that you didn't have to go through all that you have been. I would have been angry beyond words if I were the third recipient without being told. This might be a small claims issue that you can pursue to get some of your money back? I'm sorry that your embries are "fair" and aren't even 8 cells on day 3.....that's just wrong that they spun you off as a third recipient and it seems as if maybe you got the not so great leftovers. Your IF journey has just been unfair and sometimes it seems that the universe is against everything that you try. I really am hoping that even though your experience has sucked royally, that you will catch a break in the end and one of your embries is still just getting the hang of growing and will turn out to be a rockstar. I know that you have made many, many friends on TB and even if you are having trouble believing that it can happen.....maybe others can hold the candle of hope that it will be your turn for your luck to turn. You are in my thoughts and prayers. We are sharing a pic on TTC after 35 of 5 candles for McIrish's 5 embries......feel free to share the pic in support of McIrish.

stinkerbell6879 · January 2013

McIrish... This post just makes me hurt so bad for you. I agree with happywife, the rest of us will hold the candle of hope that this turns around for you and your DH. (((Hugs)))

i will also second your frustration with the clinic... There is a lot of miscommunication that should not be happening which is not ok.at.all. I have seen it myself recently.

BeckyP005 · January 2013

I posted on the other boards but again...I am so very sorry your journey has been so rough. I will keep the faith that they keep growing. I don't even know what to say without tearing up for you. I just don't understand. Big hugs to you and YH.

reb259 · January 2013

You know I know how you feel and my heart breaks for you. It's just really difficult to wrap your head around it happening twice. I am sending you everything I have and I am praying this still ends with you taking home a baby. I am here if you want to talk off line. xoxo

JM1977 · January 2013

Just wanted to offer hugs and support. What you have been through is unfair beyond words. ((((HUGS))))

2MamazInSeattle · January 2013

Oh I am so mad on your behalf! That is just sh*tty of them. In any case, I am wishing goodness to you and your embies, and feel horrible your experience has been so awful.

Maybe Joleisa · January 2013

I am so very sorry for your heartbreaking journey. DE is definitely not a guarantee, but you were dealt some very sh!tty situations. I pray your 3 embies turn your luck around and give you a big, fat happy ending. ((hugs))

Best of luck to you on Wednesday!! (D'you hear that universe?!) ::shakes fist::

TwinMommyDoubleBlessings · January 2013

** hugs **

I'm so sorry that you have been through he** and back on your journey to have a baby.

How much suffering and heartache is one person suppose to go through? Its not fair to that your hopes and dreams keep getting crushed.

Praying that at least 1 embie is a rockstar on Wed and will produce positive results.

** hugs **

BabyVDM · January 2013

McIrish, I hope things turn around for you and that 7 cell is is star.

I'm grounded in reality and I know the stats, but this is my only chance so I am have to stay hopeful. For you and me both.

Keeping fingers crossed.

ceemonkey · January 2013

McIrish, I am so sorry this is happening again. I can't believe the results you've gotten on 2 different donors at your clinic? Have you talked to them about that? It seems just crazy.

I am hoping your 7 cell continues to grow healthy and strong and results in your take-home baby. ((hugs))

liz4paws · January 2013

McIrish....Big hugs hugs

Mrs.McIrish · January 2013

ceemonkey:
McIrish, I am so sorry this is happening again. I can't believe the results you've gotten on 2 different donors at your clinic? Have you talked to them about that? It seems just crazy.

I am hoping your 7 cell continues to grow healthy and strong and results in your take-home baby. ((hugs))

I'm sure they will blame DH even though his tests are all normal. Some mysterious yet- undiagnosed, undiscovered issue...

lynn0926 · January 2013

You already know that my heart is breaking for you. This is just so unfair! I really hope and pray you are suprised in the end. Huge, huge hugs.

chicagobride_07 · January 2013

T&P to you, McIrish.

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