Is this all men?

Shmogan09 · January 2013

Today we went to the outlets and got Logan some really cool light up shoes. After, he and I were playing at the park there while DH and Kellen went to another store. We were having so much fun and then he said he had to pee really bad. We ran off to the bathroom, ran into DH and Kellen and left. As we pulled into our driveway I realized I left my wallet and the bag with Logan's shoes on the bench at the park. I felt terrible but the entire way there DH wouldn't even talk to me! He was SO mad. I ended up finding them after asking in every store while sobbing (Logan was obsessed with these light up shoes and they were not only the last one in his size but also really expensive.)

Are all men really unsupportive when you do something stupid or is it just my DH? When he messes up and I can tell he feels terrible I try to make him feel better. I can't understand why he wouldn't do the same for me.

Needless to say I am now giving him the silent treatment.

Meganequine · January 2013

He sounds like my husband. Everybody has their shortcomings-- it doesn't mean he's a bad guy. Wink

By the way-- I LOVE your e-card.

BrownMa · January 2013

It's not all men, but as PP said everyone has their short comings. In that case I'd probably be way harder on myself than DH would be. Which would make me cranky and stressed, and DH would be mad that I was upset rather than mad at the situation. I am sure that there are a ton of amazing things about your husband too, just be honest with him. Tell him it really hurts you when he gets upset when you make a silly mistake, tell him everyone makes mistakes. (Don't bring up a mistake he's made and than tell how you weren't upset with him. I've done this and it doesn't work). Haha, good luck! Tomorrow is almost here and I'm sure you'll both forget about it soon.

Shmogan09 · January 2013

Meganequine:
He sounds like my husband. Everybody has their shortcomings-- it doesn't mean he's a bad guy.
By the way-- I LOVE your e-card.

I know he is not a bad guy. When I drank too much with my friends one night at a jewelry party and was extremely hungover the next day he took care of both boys all day AND took care of me. He lets me sleep in on the weekends even though he gets up earlier than me on the weekdays. He can be really awesome sometimes but he gets mad when I do airhead types of things. I know it isn't all men, I guess I was more asking 'are there any other men like this out there'.

pinkshades05 · January 2013

My DH gets upset like this, too. It might not be all guys, but some guys don't handle their frustrations in productive manners. It's always good to remind them when their tempers aren't helping and I'm sure you felt guilty enough without him being angry.

jmccall79 · January 2013

I don't think it's all men, but more depends on their personality. The ex does not handle stressful situations. No matter what it was, it was always my fault. One time when I was pregnant, I was a little scared...really swollen, severe headache, hadn't felt the baby move too much all day. He seriously got mad at me because we were having to go to the hospital at 10pm to be checked. I mean a knock down, drag out, screaming at me, while I was on the phone with my mom telling her we were going and where to meet me. Another specific incident, when we went to do our hospital tour, he ended up locking his keys in his truck. It was somehow "my" fault. I ended up paying for a locksmith just to shut him up...and then he was pissed because it took them too long to get there. One other incident I can think of was my car broke down one time when we were at his parents cabin in the mountains. He freaked the F out! I didn't really have the money for a tow truck and had no idea what it was. But he acted like I made my car break down. Luckily his parents were there with us and his dad took care if getting a tow truck and getting my car fixed.

So, no, I don't think it's every man but some just don't handle certain situations very well. I'm sorry he wasn't more supportive to you and offer any comfort. I'm glad you were able to find your things!

cbcarden · January 2013

DH is like this sometimes, and I'm like that sometimes. I stayed pissed at him for a week for leaving his wallet somewhere that had 200 dollars in it. My rational mind knows he didn't mean it, and he feels bad enough. I just get upset over the situation, and he ends up being an outlet.

footnotegirl · January 2013

No, it is not all men. In fact, I tend to be REALLY hard on myself when i screw things up, so more often than not my husband is the one reminding me that humans are imperfect and *** happens and life will go on, etc.

MrMrsandBaby · January 2013

So, first of all, I'm glad you found your stuff! It could have been a much worse situation. And no matter what everyone else says, I think all men deal with anger poorly! I have not met one who is calm and cool headed about it. So I am on your side here...DH would be the same way with me if I did something like that, but GOD FORBID I act like that if he did something stupid...then I'm a nagging wife (and he is a hypocrite but who's keeping score!)

Jen0204 · January 2013

MrMrsandBaby:
So, first of all, I'm glad you found your stuff! It could have been a much worse situation. And no matter what everyone else says, I think all men deal with anger poorly! I have not met one who is calm and cool headed about it. So I am on your side here...DH would be the same way with me if I did something like that, but GOD FORBID I act like that if he did something stupid...then I'm a nagging wife (and he is a hypocrite but who's keeping score!)

I'm on this train. I mean, sure, there must be men who handle anger in productive ways, but they're like unicorns and I've never seen one. It doesn't help that H is male in a culture that puts men on pedestals and that I was his only girlfriend/relationship.

It's a work in progress with H. He used to get mad all of the time when I would get mad at him. And apologies were non-existent. I have finally gotten through to him that sometimes we all screw up and it's okay, and that a simple "I'm sorry, I'll try not to do that again" goes a long way. He still occasionally does what your H did and gets annoyed when I make a mistake but after me saying many time "oh yes, because you never make a mistake" he's chilled out on that too.

His latest habit - picked up from my MIL - is to question everything, but especially little things that don't matter. We got home last night and his mom had gotten him a sandwich from this deli he likes and when we were gathering everything up to go upstairs I stuck it in my purse. He said "isn't your purse going to smell?". Seems like no big deal, but he had been questioning every single action all day long (and all week) and I lost it. I told him that if he has an issue with how I'm doing something that instead of questioning me he needs to offer another solution. And that furthermore, if how I'm doing something has no impact on him whatsoever he needs to keep his mouth shut and leave it alone. I especially hate when he asks me how to do something, I give him an answer, and then he argues about it.

Sorry, H got on my nerves this weekend and I guess I needed to vent!

Shmogan09 · January 2013

Thanks everyone. Good to know this is something that some other men do. Our fight ended up continuing through the night. I was mad at him for the entire situation and then I had a cup of coffee on our automan and Kellen knocked it over and he said it was my fault for leaving it there. Yeah, it was, but why do you need to point that out? I am just so tired of him being so critical of me all the time. When Logan acts out it's always my fault somehow. Whether it be that he is angry because 'I have a temper' or he is entitled because 'I am too easy on him' it's always something.

We are going to see our old marriage counselor tonight to talk about Logan having some anger towards Kellen and I am going to have to work really hard to not turn the session into a marriage one. Sometimes I wish my girlfriends and I could all move into one house with the kids and have our DH's live next door. That way we could see them when we wanted but have separate space!

ETA- I should clarify that she is a marriage/ family/ children counselor.

Jen0204 · January 2013

Shmogan, let it turn into a marriage counseling session! If H is constantly blaming you for everything do you think it's possible that Logan's anger stems from that, and that to an extent he's mimicking the behavior that he sees from H to you? Maybe the marriage counselor pointing out that at the very least the children shouldn't see your H "scolding" you in front of them will open his eyes a bit.

kristin172429 · January 2013

Shmogan09:
...and then I had a cup of coffee on our automan and Kellen knocked it over and he said it was my fault for leaving it there. Yeah, it was, but why do you need to point that out?

This! So this! My DH has been doing this more and more. I have told him he really doesn't need to comment. He also will tell me about he sees how something could happen. Well, then freaking fix it or hush. This morning:

DH: "Do you see how he is trying to pull down on that open drawer?" (I was unloading the dishwasher because he didn't - again!)

Me: "Yup. He's trouble"

I'm in the middle of doing something so it takes me a second or two before I close it.

DH: "I don't know why you wait so long to fix stuff like that. Why didn't you close the drawer?"

Are you freaking kidding me??? WHO noticed it and did nothing but tell me??? GAH!!!!!!! So flipping frustrating. I swear he thinks he is being helpful and informative.

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