What a waste!

amberrae45 · January 2013

DH's cousin just had a baby in October and is a nurse who apparently knows more than any doctor in our town (not side eye-ing nurses just DHs cousin) and had the intentions of EBF and cloth diapering. Fast forward two weeks after her LO is born and she is NOT using the cloth diapers that she made everyone bring to her diaper shower and hasnt even opened the pump we bought her for one of her three showers. I may seem like an indian giver but I really would like to ask for the pump back or if we could have her cloth diapers (she has more than 30) because they are just collecting dust and wont be used.

Would that be wrong of me? It might just be my pregnancy horomones but im just so irritated about it!

southrnbellmeg7 · January 2013

Is it possible her LO is just too small for the CD's so she's waiting till baby can fit in them? My DD wasn't big enough for hers until about 3 to 4 weeks old. Or did she say that she has decided she is no longer going to CD?

ETA: About the pump she may be still trying to establish a good milk supply and BF relationship with her LO before she starts storing milk, I know when I started I was making just enough for DD and I didn't want to be double engorged from pumping on the side.

moosegal · January 2013

Hah! Hopefully she still has tags/receipts so she can exchange for something she will use. I will say though that we had every intention of cloth diapering from the very beginning, but it was several weeks before we got into the swing of things and even then we took a 1-2 month break around 2 months due to some septic issues we were having that made me scared to do too much laundry. Perhaps she's easing her way into it.

amberrae45 · January 2013

southrnbellmeg7:
Is it possible her LO is just too small for the CD's so she's waiting till baby can fit in them? My DD wasn't big enough for hers until about 3 to 4 weeks old. Or did she say that she has decided she is no longer going to CD?

Her daughter was almost 11 pounds when she was born (DHS cousin had GD) She said she just decided that it was easier to use disposable and only tried cd-ing for a few days in the newborn phase.

CocoR04 · January 2013

Whoa - it's wrong to ask for a gift back because you think the person isn't using it. It's her loss if she doesn't use the items - not yours. I'm sure you'll have baby items that you don't touch because of your LO's preferences.

If she offers these things to you, take them, but don't ask for them back!

southrnbellmeg7 · January 2013

amberrae45:
southrnbellmeg7:
Is it possible her LO is just too small for the CD's so she's waiting till baby can fit in them? My DD wasn't big enough for hers until about 3 to 4 weeks old. Or did she say that she has decided she is no longer going to CD?
nbsp;Her daughter was almost 11 pounds when she was born DHS cousin had GD She said she just decided that it was easier to use disposable and only tried cding for a few days in the newborn phase.

I dont know if I would ask for the stuff you gave her though, even if right now she has no intentions on using them.

mishka29 · January 2013

I don't think you can ask for those things but it certainly doesn't hurt to hint around that you would like them.

Renee1105 · January 2013

amberrae45:
DH's cousin just had a baby in October and is a nurse who apparently knows more than any doctor in our town (not side eye-ing nurses just DHs cousin) and had the intentions of EBF and cloth diapering. Fast forward two weeks after her LO is born and she is NOT using the cloth diapers that she made everyone bring to her diaper shower and hasnt even opened the pump we bought her for one of her three showers. I may seem like an indian giver but I really would like to ask for the pump back or if we could have her cloth diapers (she has more than 30) because they are just collecting dust and wont be used.
Would that be wrong of me? It might just be my pregnancy horomones but im just so irritated about it!

It's incredibly rude to ask for a gift back. As a FTM, I'm not judging anyone with a child because even though I plan to cloth diaper and breast feed I know it might not work for my child and I.

amberrae45 · January 2013

Its probably just my pregnancy horomones, i know i would probably be very upset if someone asked for their gift back.

kellopes · January 2013

Hey you and other people gave it to her, now it's hers to use (or not) as she pleases, I'm not trying to sound bitchy but it's not really of your business anymore.... If she wants to get rid of it she might offer you (or not) again, it's up to her. Asking for it back is just extremely rude.....

mrsdugger · January 2013

Don't be too irritated just yet. I had big plans to cd dd, but those first few weeks of motherhood aren't always what you expect. I was super overwhelmed with some ppd and bf'ing issues, plus dh had to go back to work before we expected and cd'ing just seemed like one more stressor. We had everything we needed to cd, but didn't start until dd was about 2.5 mos old. As for bfing, I planned to eb too and my body didn't agree with that.

I'm just saying don't be too upset. You may not know exactly what is going on with her and the new baby right now and I doubt her intentions were to end up with a bunch of gifts she didn't need or intend to use. As ftm's we tend to have a very idealistic view of what life with a newborn is like and it doesn't always work out how we thought it would.

ggatlanta · January 2013

No, do not ask for the gift back.

I'm guessing this is just pregnancy hormones on your part. If you can, I'd try not to judge other brand-new (or even BTDT) moms, especially in the first two weeks. You can't predict what life with a newborn will bring. Sometimes we (the general "we") get a little competitive with our plans to CD or EBF or co-sleep or whatever, when really the point is to take care of baby as well as possible, and there's no way to know how to do that until baby's arrival. The grand plans we make should fall by the wayside in the service of doing the best job we can for baby, and no outside perspective can judge that. We all make our own decisions.

Also, why should she be pumping with a two-week-old? Maybe I have no clue what I'm talking about, but if EBFing is going well, she wouldn't need to pump until she's separated from baby for a few hours, no?

amberrae45 · January 2013

ggatlanta:
No, do not ask for the gift back.
I'm guessing this is just pregnancy hormones on your part. If you can, I'd try not to judge other brand-new (or even BTDT) moms, especially in the first two weeks. You can't predict what life with a newborn will bring. Sometimes we (the general "we") get a little competitive with our plans to CD or EBF or co-sleep or whatever, when really the point is to take care of baby as well as possible, and there's no way to know how to do that until baby's arrival. The grand plans we make should fall by the wayside in the service of doing the best job we can for baby, and no outside perspective can judge that. We all make our own decisions.
Also, why should she be pumping with a two-week-old? Maybe I have no clue what I'm talking about, but if EBFing is going well, she wouldn't need to pump until she's separated from baby for a few hours, no?

She doesnt breast feed at all, she claims it will make her boobs saggy, although she did try for the first two weeks. She now brags about well her body has bounced back without breast feeding (she had the baby in early October, its been 4 months). I think thats why im so irritated about it because she brags about having all this stuff shes not using and then tells me I should just stock up on formula because its easier. I know its wrong to judge her personal prefernces.

meggipi5 · January 2013

It really sucks, but I think you have to just try and let it go.

lylahlove · January 2013

amberrae45:
ggatlanta:
No, do not ask for the gift back.
I'm guessing this is just pregnancy hormones on your part. If you can, I'd try not to judge other brand-new (or even BTDT) moms, especially in the first two weeks. You can't predict what life with a newborn will bring. Sometimes we (the general "we") get a little competitive with our plans to CD or EBF or co-sleep or whatever, when really the point is to take care of baby as well as possible, and there's no way to know how to do that until baby's arrival. The grand plans we make should fall by the wayside in the service of doing the best job we can for baby, and no outside perspective can judge that. We all make our own decisions.
Also, why should she be pumping with a two-week-old? Maybe I have no clue what I'm talking about, but if EBFing is going well, she wouldn't need to pump until she's separated from baby for a few hours, no?

She doesnt breast feed at all, she claims it will make her boobs saggy, although she did try for the first two weeks. She now brags about well her body has bounced back without breast feeding (she had the baby in early October, its been 4 months). I think thats why im so irritated about it because she brags about having all this stuff shes not using and then tells me I should just stock up on formula because its easier. I know its wrong to judge her personal prefernces.

if you still need a pump or extra newborn dipes, I don't think it would be awful to tell her you still need those things and ask if you can borrow them.

starting all over again · January 2013

Best way to approach this would be to ask if she has any "hand me downs" that she no longer needs. Just telling her that money might be tighter than you thought and anything would be helpful that she's not using. Let her know EXACTLY what items you're eyeing and tell her that it would save you a lot.

realityspeller · January 2013

would you be willing to buy these items from her? she could make a little money always good after all the these tiny things cost and you could get some necessities a discount. everyone wins?!