Can I give up my time?

&babymakes5 · January 2013

SO DD12 is sick, mild fever, aches...has been flu tested and it was negative but Dr says lots of nasty viruses going around. I send a text to BD and SM this morning as it is his weekend. Well if she is sick we don't want her this weekend....hum I could totally understand this if there were other children there but there are not. So he asks me to change weekends with him when she feels better....sorry no I am not trading you a healthy weekend because you only want to parent a healthy child who has no engagements to attend or practices to go to. Parent or don't your choice.

2chatter · January 2013

I keep my girls home and switch weekends when they are really sick like that. Exh has no other children. One weekend I did exchange, DD had a stomach bug. A week later exh got the bug. He was better by his next weekend. About a week after that visit the well child had the same thing. It just adds to the ping ponging of viruses that happen in BF to exchange when someone is really sick.

&babymakes5 · January 2013

Thats nice of you but I switch weekends all the time becasue they refuse to be involved with anything and only want time when she is healthy and no commitments, so sorry not happening anymore. She can stay home I am all for that but I am not switching.

2chatter · January 2013

In that case, I would just shift to expecting to have your DD all the time and they can have her EOWknd as scheduled when they want her. I experienced the same thing with my exh as well and it was a bitter pill to swallow at first.

CFjo2010 · January 2013

Um no. Don't switch weekends. If BD can't be bothered to take care of his sick child then too bad. I would completely understand if there were other children at the house or if BD/SM have some sort of weakened immune system, but I don't agree with "parenting on convenience". Kids get sick, it happens. Obviously you can't control when it happens. If Lo had become sick at BD's would you avoid picking her up when it's time to come home? Definitely not. So why does BD get to pick and choose when he wants to parent?

sweetwalks · January 2013

I think sometimes it's a case by case basis and depends on the sickness. Sometimes BM has suggested SS stay at her house so he doesn't have to ride because he doesn't feel well, we don't agree. However, when we suspected chicken pox at our house we suggested SS stay home so he didn't get it. I was really sick once and we had him stay home so he wouldn't get sick. I couldn't have protected my own children from getting it but SS does have a weaker immune system and when we can protect him we really try to.

I do agree that sometimes maybe keeping the kids home and switching weekends is best for everyone. She can stay where she's comfortable to relax and rest and she doesn't drag sickness to where she may pick it back up the next time she's there. It's really about how understanding and cohesive your parenting arrangements are.

J&A2008 · January 2013

If she's really miserable, I might have a hard time letting her go away this weekend.

I totally understand your POV, though. I know I felt similarly with visitation when BM only wanted them for every holiday. So, I get to do their laundry, dishes and homework everyday, then hand them to you for everything fun? Sounds fair.

Littlejen22 · January 2013

If you offer to switch I would only do it on a weekend where there is parenting to do, such as "If you would like to swap weekends you can have her next weekend as long as it will be no problem for you to bring her to her 2 hour ballet class, etc. I would put the ball in his court and only give him a choice to be a parent if he wants to makeup the time.

&babymakes5 · January 2013

They have decided to take her because I won't switch, being the witch that I am. If this was more than just low grade fever, such as chicken pox or such I would keep her home with me and like I said she is welcome to stay home just not switching weekends. Parenting is messy and part of that is illness. I have been told by this man so many nasty things about what a crappy mom I am that I have gotten to the point of going by the court order and that is it. No where in a court order does it say I have to switch when she is sick. I wish things were different but I am tired of giving and giving and no give on the otherside.

twister22 · January 2013

I'm torn on this one. Part of me agrees with jobalchalk. The other part of me thinks that, he only has EOWE, I'm sure he wants to make the most of his time, and that's hard to do with a sick child. If you were 50/50 I would think otherwise. Many COs have that if LO is sick, CP can post pone visitation for NCP until the following weekend. There's a reason that that clause is standard in some areas. Honestly, I wish that clause were in my CO.

awesomenus1341 · January 2013

Good for you for not switching weekends. I had to laugh a little though because we have the opposite problem. If SS has so much as a low-grade fever, BM doesn't want him leaving the house at all. It's not like we make him run marathons over here, we are perfectly capable of taking care of an ill child (ps- I am a pediatric nurse!). But, to be fair, SS (almost 4yrs old), as most young children do, only wants mommy when he is sick. In our case, if she insists on keeping him, we insist on switching weekends, but we don't ask to switch do to his illness. We have also asked to not take him if one of us is sick (rarely happens but we both got a terrible terrible stomach bug last year that was highly contagious), but it's more for his sake than us not wanting him here.

lb1212 · January 2013

twister22:
I'm torn on this one. Part of me agrees with jobalchalk. The other part of me thinks that, he only has EOWE, I'm sure he wants to make the most of his time, and that's hard to do with a sick child. If you were 50/50 I would think otherwise. Many COs have that if LO is sick, CP can post pone visitation for NCP until the following weekend. There's a reason that that clause is standard in some areas. Honestly, I wish that clause were in my CO.

Sick kids want mom - even if mom and dad are still together.

katie_cj · January 2013

It hasn't come up, but I would switch. But we have it written that we don't do exchanges for extreme weather conditions (basically blizzards) or bad illnesses.

The only reason for that is because we live three hours apart, and I don't think it's fair to be in a car for that long when you are feeling rotten.

moonfaerie · January 2013

I understand your frustration at your XH for only wanting to parent during the good times, but honestly your DD would probably rather be with you if she is feeling bad. I know my dad sucks at taking care of sick kids, and my DH, while capable of administering medicine, just doesn't have that special mommy touch and my kids want me when they are sick.

SimpleJane · January 2013

lb1212:
twister22:
I'm torn on this one. Part of me agrees with jobalchalk. The other part of me thinks that, he only has EOWE, I'm sure he wants to make the most of his time, and that's hard to do with a sick child. If you were 50/50 I would think otherwise. Many COs have that if LO is sick, CP can post pone visitation for NCP until the following weekend. There's a reason that that clause is standard in some areas. Honestly, I wish that clause were in my CO. 
Sick kids want mom - even if mom and dad are still together.

Sick kids don't always want Mom. My son asks for his dad when he's sick, my daughter asks for me.

&babymakes5 · January 2013

She is 12 so when she is sick she pretty much wants to be left alone and only checked on. She never wants to go to dads so asking her what she wanted would have given one answer. She went over there Friday afternoon and had no fever Saturday or Sunday so all the Bull was pretty much a non issue. We live one mile apart so we don't have the issue of driving far or anything like that.

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