Foster-to-adopt parents: advice for first day, first month

davidandheather · January 2013

As it gets closer to our placement, I am curious what was the best advice you heard, read or learned the hard way for day one and month one after child (or children) were placed with you? When were you comfortable enough to leave child (or children) with daycare for both a couple hours at church and all day while you were at work?

Foster1Mom · January 2013

I think it really depends on the ages you get. Our first placement was a five week old and our second was an eight month old.

Neither boy we bathed the nights they came. They were in a strange place and we didnt want to freak them out more.

I kept the five week home with me for about a month. I work from home so it was easy. The eight month old started daycare right away. If you are using daycare scope some out ahead of time. You want to be happy with where you send them. To me our daycare has been amazing.

My best advice is to keep the kids worlds small for a few days. Do not have any expectations and just go with the flow. Also, both of our placements were dirty. Not just I had not had a bath today dirty I am talking stinky stinky dirty. Leave anything that comes from the bios house in the garage or outside so you can go through it. You never know what will be in a bag. Both of ours came empty handed but a few days later each sent some clothes.

IRR · January 2013

No advice, but GL.

lizlemon2 · January 2013

We are about a month in. Our 4 yo has started 1/2 day preschool, which was 3 weeks after being with us. I am lucky that I got 11 weeks maternity leave because we are adopting them. We tried leaving our 2 yo in the past week at the nursery at church and the daycare at the gym. He freaked out the whole time. He's just not ready yet. We will have to play it by ear.

As for advice:

Keep the 1st days simple. Not too many people over, stick around home.

Remember the phrases "This too shall pass" and it gets better. It will be an adjustment for everyone.

Accept that your house will be dirty, you won't have much time for yourself to get ready, and just be very very patient.

It has been the hardest and most amazing thing we have ever done.

elissaann26 · January 2013

I love all of the above advice. I would also see if family/friends would be willing to bring dinner over for you. Like others said, I would not have this turn into a "meet the kids" type thing. But it will take away your stress of figuring out what is for dinner and be able to play/bond with the children more.

We took a week off to get everyone situated before the boys (5yo and 2yo) started going to daycare. They were used to going to daycare, so I think this was comforting to them to be in a familiar environment. I think it really depends on the kid(s) to see who quickly they can go to daycare.

GL! And remember the beginning is an adjustment for everyone, so go with the flow and just concentrate on each day. For us it was really survival at first until we got the hang of everything.

Foster1Mom · January 2013

Dinners are GREAT advice. Once the boys are down figuring out dinner is the hardest. We are just wiped out from working and the boys to even think about it.

davidandheather · January 2013

Thanks so much and please keep it coming if anyone else has advice! We are looking at toddler to elementary age sibling group. Our homestudy is being reviewed now for a family of a five year old and three year old adopt only group. Big IF we get chosen for them. HR has explained to me and I think I understand that I get 4 weeks off for paternity leave and can take unpaid FMLA if I need more. I can imagine that much of that time will be used for the adoption transition process from foster home to us. We are pretty involved in our church and have lots of friends and family nearby and I can just sense that we'll need to put up some firm boundaries those first several weeks to protect these children.

JennaNAaron · January 2013

We got our foster kiddos in July and I was off for the summerteacher. The oldest now 20 months started daycare at the end of August. We had already picked a daycare before we got a placement.

Don't have too many expectations. LO was not dirty, but had the clothes on his back and 1 diaper no shoes. We picked the baby up at the hospital. The first few nights will be rough but it gets better. Good luck, and we're here for you.

ctbride08 · January 2013

It so hard to say what to expect because every situation will be different. My kids were not dirty, or scared, or even particularly difficult those first few weeks. It wasn't until a couple months in that things got hard.

Dinners are a great idea, as is keeping the children's worlds very small.

We started daycare within a week for my oldest (he was 3 at the time) - no issues at all with the transition. He similarly would have been fine in a church nursery or similar. You really just never know!

TiffanyA83 · January 2013

We were placed with a 6 week old - thankfully on a Friday, so we had the weekend to spend with him - who started daycare right away. I didn't have any vacation time when he was placed with us, neither did DH.
I was comfortable leaving him in the nursery at church and at daycare right away, becaus I knew that he was going to have to get used to those things.

A toddler could be a very different story....depending on what type of situation they're coming from, they may need a little more of your time at first to realize that you're going to care for them and show them love.

Good Luck!

Want a personalized experience?

Foster-to-adopt parents: advice for first day, first month

Re: Foster-to-adopt parents: advice for first day, first month

Choose Another Board

Search Boards