Phone call with BM! Advice???

lafayettegirl · January 2013

We have a phone call with a BM tomorrow (Sunday). I guess she has narrowed it down to us and another couple.

Any advice on what to say or not to say??

greenteabee · January 2013

Don't call her a birth mother for one, as it's coercive, even if you don't mean it that way.

Be yourself and talk to her like you would a friend, ask her questions about her and not just her pregnancy and her decision.

Good luck!

lafayettegirl · January 2013

Thanks! We know her first name, so we'll use that. We will also have someone from the agency on the line too, so she will help guide us a bit I assume. Ack! So nervous - we don't want to sound like babbling idiots.

srmmm09 · January 2013

It's good to admit you're nervous - she's nervous too! It clears the air a bit.

Art Teacher · January 2013

Ask her how she's feeling. Ask her about her - if she works, if she goes to school. If she goes to school, what types of classes is she taking? Ask her about her family. Does she live with them? Does she live with the expectant father?

Ask her about herself - her likes, her dislikes (sports, hobbies, music, books, movies, etc.)

Ask her how open of an adoption she is looking for and what that looks like to her.

Good luck

Art Teacher · January 2013

Maybe ask her about the expectant father as well. What he's like, how he feels about openness, etc.

missred75 · January 2013

Art Teacher:
Maybe ask her about the expectant father as well. What he's like, how he feels about openness, etc.

I'd steer clear of asking about the expectant father, at least at first. It may be an ugly situation that the EM doesn't want to talk about.

I think the best thing is just be yourself. Tell her about your hobbies and activities. Ask her about herself and her hopes for the baby.

Good luck, hun. I've got all my fingers & toes crossed for you!

JodyA118 · January 2013

Good luck1 The best advice I can give is to be yourself and talk to her like a friend. She is going to feel just as awkward as you do so if you can try to relax the situation by trying to talk to her as if you would a friend, it will help a lot.

my 2 cents.

all the best and i hope it works out!!!!

mnmello · January 2013

missred75:
Art Teacher:
Maybe ask her about the expectant father as well. What he's like, how he feels about openness, etc.
I'd steer clear of asking about the expectant father, at least at first. It may be an ugly situation that the EM doesn't want to talk about.

This.
Leave it to her to talk about that situation at a point she is comfortable with.

Art Teacher · January 2013

missred75:
Art Teacher:

Maybe ask her about the expectant father as well. What he's like, how he feels about openness, etc.

I'd steer clear of asking about the expectant father, at least at first. It may be an ugly situation that the EM doesn't want to talk about.

I think the best thing is just be yourself. Tell her about your hobbies and activities. Ask her about herself and her hopes for the baby.

Good luck, hun. I've got all my fingers & toes crossed for you!

I actually disagree. I don't think there's anything wrong with asking about the baby's expectant father. If the expectant mother chooses not to share or doesn't want to discuss it, she can say so. And you can also say that you respect her privacy and if she doesn't want to talk about him at that point, it's okay. I know in our situation, DD's birthmom shared just a little bit about him at our first visit before DD was born (the first time we talked was when we first met.)

How did the phone call go if you have already had it?

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Phone call with BM! Advice???

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