- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Adoption
jmuller3580
member
Adoption Advice for a Newbie!
jmuller3580
member
in Adoption
This is my first time EVER writing on a message board so please bear with me!
My husband and I have known we wanted to adopt since we first started dating. It has never been a question in our mind...just when.
We are still in the process of moving and are just now ready to fully jump into the adoption process but we started the research about a year ago. I am looking for any and all advice I can get!
Agency vs private adoption? If private - how did/do you advertise?
Closed vs open? Pros/Cons?
Any and all advice is welcome! I would love some other ladies' stories!!
Thanks everyone!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Adoption Advice for a Newbie!
Welcome! There's a FAQ tab at the top you should check out too.
As for me, we chose agency as we didn't know what we were doing and wanted someone to do most of the work for us
I researched agencies by having them mail me information. I narrowed those down to two. I called each of those and asked a list of questions I had compiled.
We have a semi-open relationship with DD's BM. We decided what level of comfort we had before starting the process. We send pictures and letters at least once a year and have one visit a year. BM has no contact information on us or our last name.
Good luck in deciding, and again welcome!
Welcome! Ditto the FAQs. They provide some great resources to help you decide what kind of adoption is right for you.
There are some other options besides strictly private vs agency. Some states allow adoption facilitators, which to my understanding is a somewhere in between option. FWIW, we used an agency.
An increasing number of studies have shown that open adoption is preferable to closed. Birthfamilies are able to see that the child they placed is thriving and well-cared-for. Adoptive parents are able to have a resource for questions they may have about their child and their history. Children have a relationship with the birthfamily and someone to ask questions, etc. And open can mean anything from letters and pictures through a 3rd party to complete and utter openness. It's not a one-size-fits-all definition. Clearly there are times when closed is preferable (unstable members of the birthfamily who could cause harm to the child or the adoptive family). Much depends on the comfort level of all involved, and it can change over tie
My story: We TTC'd for about 3 years, and got to a point where we just wanted to be parents. Adoption became more and more the way we wanted that to happen. We spent about 6 months doing research (read Adoption for Dummies, attended some webinars and in person info seminars), raised the $ we figured we'd need to pay the adoption fees. We chose an agency in March 2009 and formally started the process that June. Our homestudy was complete in October 2009 and our profile went active mid December. After a couple of situations fell through early on, we were matched with DD (already born) in March 2010. We have an open adoption with DD's birthfamily. We sent letters and pictures on an agency-set schedule, have a blog for them to visit on a more regular basis (I try to update it at least once a week), and meet 2x/year. We actually wouldn't mind more contact, but we're following DD's birthmom's lead at this point. DD is a happy, healthy almost 3yo.
Welcome! It seems open adoption is more common than not these days, if the expectant parents are choosing adoption (versus the state terminating their rights). We are in a "semi" open relationship with our BM. We let her choose and that is what she wanted; however, DD is almost 4 months old and she hasn't asked for any pictures or really been in much contact with us, so we're not sure if she does want to be involved afterall.
We chose to go independent, with an adoption attorney. We advertised through parentprofiles.com (our attorney did NO advertising for us whatsoever). The reason we chose this route was because after talking with people working with agencies in our area, it seemed the wait times were so long and a lot of people were going to outside means of advertising (such as parentprofiles) to get most their hits, so we didn't see the point in paying extra for an agency. Of course you don't have the middle man (the SW) to guide you through talking with expectant families, counseling, people to answer your questions, etc...but if you are an organized person who feels you can handle doing most of the legwork, it could be a good route to go. Our attorney was a flat fee and much less expensive than some states from what I've learned on the board. He was able to answer most my questions and if not, I had the bump!
Feel free to PM me if you have any more questions. Good luck!
Thank you all for the info! I just got done reading the FAQs...very helpful!
I'm excited to keep everyone updated as we continue this new journey in our lives!
An agency may help you get yourself out there that you are interested in adoption. You have a lot to think about - do you want domestic or international adoption? Private or agency? - there are challenges both ways and it is very easy to get caught in scams if you are doing it privately.
USA Today: https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2013/01/14/adoption-shortage-russian-ban/1834525/
Good luck!
The only thing we are for sure of is domestic adoption and we are open to any race or gender.
Everything else is still up in the air!
The process is scary and a lot of hard work. It is also very rewarding.
If you are considering an agency, I would suggest calling several in your area and ask to attend an information session. We found those to be very helpful as there is quite a range in programs, costs, and wait times. Each agency also has a different "vibe" that may help you find the right one.
We did an agency domestic newborn adoption. Our wait time was less than 6 months. We have a very open adoption with our son's birth family. They are an extended part of our family now. At the beginning, open adoption was a little scary for us. We agreed to keep our minds open and just take things one step at a time.
Good luck and congrats on your decision!
Welcome! I'd start by getting a good book outlining all the different types of adoption and also start following some of the blogs on here to get an idea of what others have done.
For choosing an agency, the best advice we got was to visit several agency open houses and go with the one we felt most comfortable with (and that was quickest to answer our questions thus showing us they cared about our case). I thought that sounded silly, but there were for sure several agencies we visited that made us feel pretty uncomfortable. Going through such intimate details of your life, it is important that you feel good with the social workers helping you out.