Recent late loss - my body is angry

WifeofaComposer · January 2013

We lost our baby 2 days ago, at 19 weeks. My breasts are now engorged and leaking, and I've been instructed to keep them bound with bandages and sports bras, and not to express the milk. Our doctor told me not to massage my breasts or express my milk because she doesn't want my natural hormones to be interrupted, so I can ovulate again as soon as possible. I certainly understand all of this, and appreciate her knowledge, but this is agonizing.

When my son was a baby, I hyper-lactated, and even though I exclusively breastfed him, I still had to pump and donate my milk to the local maternity ward. I'm finding it very painful - emotionally and physically - to not feed my baby. I feel like the universe is punching me in the face, and in my boobs, by making me lactate, but taking our baby away from us.

I know I'm not the only mom to go through this. Any suggestions for emotional support and physical relief are welcome. I have an appointment to see a therapist on Tuesday, but I need to hear from moms who have gone through this, because they are the ones who truly understand.

Mrs Nice · January 2013

SIGGY WARNING

I am so very sorry for your loss. You are in the right place. I hate to have to welcome you here but the ladies are amazing.

I found relief from cabbage leaves when I was waiting for my milk to dry up. It sounds strange, but it works. Stuffing your bra with the cool leaves not only feels good, but there is something in cabbage that will help the milk to dry up faster. You could also try putting breast pads in the freezer to wear in your bra if you don't like the smell of cabbage. Try to avoid hot showers and baths. Keep wearing tight sports bras at all times.

Again, I am so sorry for your recent loss. Being angry is a totally normal emotion. Allow yourself to feel and grieve whatever emotions you need to for as long as you need to.

HUGS

starburst0928 · January 2013

My biggest struggle was the physical side of things, so I don't have any good tips on the emotional side. I sort of took the approach of denial. I wouldn't look at my chest, I wouldn't let myself think about what I was missing, etc.

Physically, I would wear a very tight bra, as well as keep ice on them. I took some pain meds too.

WifeofaComposer · January 2013

Thank you, ladies. I have a friend who recommended cabbage leaves, too, but I thought she was joking. I will try all of the above.

And, Mrs Nice, your little Zachary is so stinkin' cute!!!!!!!

Carolee · January 2013

I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with PPs - cabbage leaves and a very tight sports bra are what worked for me. As for emotional support, talking to others who had been through similar experiences was the most helpful for me. I hope this board can be a source of support for you.

Mrs Nice · January 2013

WifeofaComposer:
Thank you, ladies. I have a friend who recommended cabbage leaves, too, but I thought she was joking. I will try all of the above.And, Mrs Nice, your little Zachary is so stinkin' cute!!!!!!!

Thank you! :

tuscanbride2007 · January 2013

I too breastfed my first DD so my milk came in strong and for almost 2 weeks! Cabbage leaves stink really bad and did an okay job! I also used sage drops (put them in my water and drank it a couple of times a day). I felt that the sage was more effective for me.

HullGut · January 2013

I am so sorry for you and your sweet baby. I lost my son at 40 weeks and my milk came in within 4 days. I sobbed when my milk came in, how cruel that you have what you need to feed your child but no child. That sucked, but it came in on monday and was gone by friday. While I was in the hospital the nurse gave me icepacks for my bra and when I got home I wore a tight sports bra all the time.

For me its only been 2 months, but my therapist has helped alot. I just started seeing her when Hunter passed away. My family has helped alot and talking to other women helps. You can also check out glowinthewoods.com that is another sight for women dealing with late losses.

yosemitemom · January 2013

Hi,
I lost my daughter at 21 weeks pregnant. I made a lot of milk with my first pregnancy and the second was no different. The engorgement was so bad that I ended up talking with a lactation consultant and we developed a strategy where I pumped/hand expressed for a little bit each day to relieve the engorgement. It helped me. I thought about donating my breastmilk again this time and found one mom that did that in honor of her lost baby. I thought it was a great idea, but I didn't end up doing it as I was on strong antibiotics that disqualified my milk.

Re: emotional support - I have been seen a therapist that specializes in grief and babyloss for the past 6 months. It's been incredibly helpful to my healing.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this.

Jennifer271012 · January 2013

I'm so so sorry for your loss ((hugs))

My milk came in also and although the sport bras worked to relieve some of the pain associated with movement, I found that ice packs were the post useful.

WifeofaComposer · January 2013

Thank you so much, ladies. I am so sorry you've all been through this, too. My left breast is easing up a bit now, but I'm afraid my right breast might be leaning toward mastitis again - it's gotten hard, achy, and hot. I had 3 infections in my right breast when my now big kid was breastfeeding, because it wouldn't drain properly due to a slightly inverted nipple. I have an appointment with my family practitioner on Tuesday.

dandywarhol · January 2013

I'm so sorry for your loss. Lactating after a loss feels like a huge slap to the face, doesn't it? Tight sports bras all the time and ibuprofen worked the best for me. I'm sorry that you're going through this. {{hugs}}

Emotionally, I found that posting here, a lot, and keeping a journal helped tremendously. There was so many thoughts rattling around my heat that it helped to have a way to express my thoughts.

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