Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: wind up with rcs anyway?
My DS was 10 lbs 2 oz and the reason for my c/s was not his size, it was his positioning. In fact, they made sure to make it clear to me that I should not let any doctor try to tell me that the c/s was due to his size to try to deter me from a VBAC. I also did not have GD.
My VBAC baby was 8 lbs 5 oz. so size of first baby does not dictate size of second. Also, plenty of people here have VBACed large babies.
It's true that an ERCS has higher risks than a RCS, but an ECS carries more risks than a CS. Either way, VBACs carry less risk than both, so that is why I went that route. If an ERCS had to be performed, I was already in the hospital, and those risks at that point are on me, not the baby. So, for me, it was an easy decision.
I had a similar situation that you did, although my water didn't break on it's own. I was induced, had prostaglandins and a *** ton of pitocin. I never progressed past 1cm. My baby was 7lbs, 6 oz. So there it had nothing to do with size.
I VBACed an 8lb, 7oz baby.
For me, the risks were so small either way that it didn't really influence me. I'm low-risk in general, so I honestly just didn't really pay attention. Recovery time was a bigger issue for me in choosing a VBAC over a RCS.
How can I be sure it was size or position, or neither that caused my failure to progress, to find out my chances of a failed VBAC? The OB that delivered DS seems sure that it was his size, so I plan on asking what his position was (since I don't have it written down anywhere). But if they didn't document it, wouldn't I now have to weigh trusting the OB, or weighing my decision on an unknown factor?
In the advice and perspectives I've gotten, it seems like if it's size or position, my chances of success are higher than if it's something else that caused my lack of progression, and means I'm not as an ideal candidate for a VBAC, and it could result in an emergency c-section (and then a crappier recovery time as a result). If I'm thinking about recovery, obviously the VBAC would have the best recovery time, but if my chances of success are at something like 53%, I almost feel more safe scheduling the c-section, since most moms who've been through it will tell you that the recovery time from a scheduled RCS is a breeze compared to the first emergency c-section.
So, I guess my next step is to try and confirm why I failed to progress, and base my decision on where that puts me, in terms of good vs. not ideal VBAC candidate?
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The thing is when women are sectioned for failure to progress, most don't really know why it happened. Even if the doctors have an idea why it may have happened there's little way of knowing for sure. Things that would really make it impossible/unlikely for a baby to be born vaginally, like a malformation of the pelvis, would have to be investigated in other ways than just a doctor guessing at that being the reason.
For example, I had a C/S for FTP after stalling out at 8cm. That was very likely caused by baby's posterior position rather than anything physical, so I'm considered a good VBAC candidate, but there's really no way of knowing if it really was his positioning or if it's something physical with me. Now, if I had labored under the best of conditions (things like, being able to move around during labor, they didn't artifically rupture my membranes so early on giving DS time to get into a better position, etc.) and I still stalled out at 8cm it would be much more suspect that his position wasn't the reason for FTP, KWIM?
The other thing about your story, in addition to your LO actually being on the rather large side, is that he never descended into your pelvis. To me, that would indicate that either a) he really was too big for you (which is unlikely to happen, but CAN and doesn't necessarily mean it will be the same situation a second time), or b) your body just wasn't ready for labor. Considering your labor began with your water breaking you were essentially induced, which obviously could lead to your body not being ready to actually cooperate with the process.
I personally wouldn't choose a RCS over fear that there's a small chance that you physically won't be able to birth a baby vaginally. It's definitely unlikely statistically. You have a much better chance of having a successful VBAC. Besides that, you'll never know how it can go without a trial of labor to test things out. Especially being a VBAC you are going to be very closely monitored. They're going to look for specific things and they'll definitely keep your prior situation in mind. Even if you do end up with a C/S because your trial of labor doesn't work out, it doesn't mean it will be a true emergency C/S. You and your care provider might just decide things aren't progressing they way they should and move to a C/S and that shouldn't carry the same risks as a true emergent C/S.
GL!
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You're looking for clear hindsight and a crystal ball. Unfortunately, we have neither. Like PPers have said with FTP or CPD there really is no way to know why one baby will come out and another will not. There are tiny women who birth large babies and larger women who struggle with smaller babies. Birth is not an exact science.
I personally was comfortable going through the labor process again, regardless of the outcome. I needed to see if I could birth vaginally...and I did. But, I needed to try. The absolute WORST outcome for me would have been if I went late again and was not favorable for an induction. It would have meant a planned RCS against my wishes. But, if your absolute worst outcome is an unplanned or emergency c-section, then maybe the RCS is your answer.
All of this. Also, his position was written in my report. When my midwife read it over, she said that he was clearly in an unfavorable position as was clearly written.
That said, there's no saying that my second wasn't going to be breech or also turned strangely or any other millions of complications that could have gone on. For me, it was important to aim for the best outcome (VBAC) and I achieved that. I was ok with the idea of a RCS after labor if it came to that. It sounds like you are NOT ok with that, so you need to weigh your options accordingly.
What everyone else said. You really can't know if it's going to work or not, but have to decide what works for you. Are you with the same OB who did your c/s? Would you consider getting a second opinion from someone else, and see what they say?
I was also pretty worried about the risks of ending up with a RCS after attempting a VBAC, but for me, it was worth at least trying for a VBAC.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
as another lady pointed out here..without a crystal ball..theres no way to really know what situation u will end up in if u attempt a VBAC, so you just have to decideif the risk of an unplanned or emergency csection is worth it to you. There are risks with any birth..no matter the route you choose..
that said..i just attempted a vbac myself 5 months ago after my first baby being born via csection for failure to progress (my water broke, waited about 9 or 10 hours to start labour on my own, then we went to pitocin when i didnt start..23 hrs later i only dilated to 5?and baby hadnt dropped..so off we went for the section).
this time, labour started on its own, and after an eternity (really;) labouring without drugs, baby just wasnt coming out my ob assured me..so off we went for another unplanned section..while i am so disappointed that thats the ending, i am so glad i tried and i will say that my recovery was much better this time than the first time (i did wear a support belt this time and didn't the first time..so that may have added to my better recovery). i think the first one was just such a shock..this time not quitew as much...
hope you are able to come to a decision you are comfortable with..good luck to you!
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