Am I overreacting? Guest List

sapphire021 · January 2013

I am giving the guest list to my host today (she asked for one). I have a question about seeming "gift-grabby". My bridal shower was a year ago, and per my mom's request, I invited several aunts that I hadn't seen in years (I'm not close with them, neither is my mother really, but we used to be). I had invited them to the wedding and definately wanted to see them, but didn't want to seem too "gift-grabby" (In my head- oh I haven't seen you in 6 years, bring a gift to the shower and then to the wedding!)
Now my baby shower is coming up, I haven't seen them since the wedding. While I would like their COMPANY at the shower, I am afraid of coming off as gift grabby. But NOT inviting them, I'm afraid as coming off as rude.
Am I just overreacting and they are probably just happy for the baby? I just don't know... PS please don't be too brutal... I'm emotional this morning...

lily_721 · January 2013

I just completed my guest list. I am leaving it up to my mom if she wants to invite her sisters. MIL is doing the list for her party -- I have no idea who will be invited for that one.

EastCoastBride · January 2013

You know your aunts, we don't. I personally wouldn't invite people that I only ever saw at showers and weddings (hence, I woudl never have invited them to my bridal shower). But that's my family - they wouldn't expect to be invited to a shower for someone they hardly see and really don't know.

I feel that SOME effort should be made outside of these "life events" if you really, truly do care abou ttheir company and not their gift.

sapphire021 · January 2013

EastCoastBride:
I feel that SOME effort should be made outside of these "life events" if you really, truly do care abou ttheir company and not their gift.

I agree. We all USED to be close, and then everyone moved and we all got out of touch. They still keep in touch with my parents, but not with my brother and I. My instinct is to leave them off the shower list.... but my mother is afraid they will get offended. (PS My mom is NOT throwing me a shower). My best friend is thowing it, and has no clue about the guest list, so it's up to me. I think I should just do what I feel is right, but of course my mother is in my ear

theimpossibleastronaut · January 2013

I think it's fine to invite them. I live out of state, so I don't get to see my extended family much. I hadn't seen a few of my relatives in about two years, and we had a great time catching up at my hometown shower. Also, my mom, who hosted, wanted to invite my aunts and cousins.

wcvsb3b5 · January 2013

I only see some aunts and uncles maybe a couple times a year but if I didn't invite them I know they would be offended and think there was a reason. In my family, we always invite family unless there is a reason not to. It really depends on your aunts.

Adam&Eve2 · January 2013

I would send an invite. That way they can feel included and if they don't want ti attend then they don't have to.

EastCoastBride · January 2013

As your friend is throwing the shower, though, you do need to get an idea of how many people she can host. I don't know if these distant relatives are 3 people or 15 - but if it's 15, that's a LOT of extra peopel. KWIM? So make sure you're on the same page w/ your hostess.

Spacebunny19 · January 2013

I understand how you feel; it's always a conundrum to not look gift grabby but then not step on toes by excluding someone. I left a few people off my shower list (for DD#1, no shower for DD#2) as I had the same general issue. In retrospect, I should have extended the invite. (These weren't relatives but newer friends I wasn't close to at that point but our families have gotten much closer recently and it would have been nice to have extended the invite and let them know I valued our growing friendship. I was more concerned about looking too gift grabby.) With your aunts, I bet they value the invite and would like to come, if nothing else, yes, as a chance to see YOU again. Enjoy your shower!

sapphire021 · January 2013

Thanks for the responses ladies... I worry a lot about how other people perceive things, sometimes I just need to relax. I'd like to see them again, just don't want to give the wrong impression. As some of you said, my mother firmly believes for those that want to come, will come. She's not worried about it at all. I think I'm going to extend the invite, as we are not that close anymore and these types of events are all we really see each other at and catch up. (This is regarding about 5 people on the guest list, I had already counted them into the headcount when my friend and I discussed numbers, so they wouldn't be "extra")

rhubarb123 · January 2013

EastCoastBride:
As your friend is throwing the shower, though, you do need to get an idea of how many people she can host. I don't know if these distant relatives are 3 people or 15 - but if it's 15, that's a LOT of extra peopel. KWIM? So make sure you're on the same page w/ your hostess.

Yep...check with your friend who is hosting. It might help make the decision for you. If she is OK with the numbers then I would invite them.

I have family that lives up to 5 hours away that I invited but they come to other family functions (baby dedications, birthdays, weddings, funerals, etc). On the other hand I have some cousins I didn't invite that I only see at weddings and funerals. Sad but true. They live 6 hours and more away.

kksmitha21 · January 2013

I have not seen a lot of my husbands family since we got married 3 years ago they live over 2 hours away and my husband always works the weekends so I struggled with inviting them to my shower. I decided to invite them knowing if they can't make it no big deal. All of them are coming and were so touched and excited to be invited. So I say send the invites it will mean a lot to them

AimeeSue02 · January 2013

sapphire021:
Thanks for the responses ladies... I worry a lot about how other people perceive things, sometimes I just need to relax. I'd like to see them again, just don't want to give the wrong impression. As some of you said, my mother firmly believes for those that want to come, will come. She's not worried about it at all. I think I'm going to extend the invite, as we are not that close anymore and these types of events are all we really see each other at and catch up. (This is regarding about 5 people on the guest list, I had already counted them into the headcount when my friend and I discussed numbers, so they wouldn't be "extra")

I don't think you're overreacting at all, I have a similar delimma. Except it is with old friends and not relatives. I have about 3 or 4 friends that were never my "besties" but we used to hang out a lot. For the past few years, I have only seen them at my sisters bridal shower and wedding (she is "friends" with them too), my bridal shower and wedding....my sister left them off her baby shower invite because it was getting akward and gift-grabby and I will too. That being said...they are friends and not family...family may be different.

jo4janet · January 2013

RiverSong82:
I think it's fine to invite them. I live out of state, so I don't get to see my extended family much. I hadn't seen a few of my relatives in about two years, and we had a great time catching up at my hometown shower. Also, my mom, who hosted, wanted to invite my aunts and cousins.

Sometimes special events like these are what get ppl to come out when you lose touch. I would invite them. I don't think it seems gift grabby. I think it seems like you want to include them in a special event in your life.

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