And I thought the emotional rollercoaster was over...

new+tothis · January 2013

I did SO well during stims not getting emotional! I thought I was out of the woods. Apparently not. I saw the third party reproduction post below and just straight up bawled. We are so lucky to have so many embies and have the possibility of snow babies. Dh and I have agreed on everything IF.... until this. If we have extra snow babies I want to donate them. In my mind, they would not be MY babies. They would belong to the woman who carries them. We are so lucky to be able to do IVF but it was a GIFT - literally. Our parents gave us the money to do it. We could give a gift like that to someone else.

I know I've always said I would respect his beliefs and I know I need to continue doing just that but sometimes it's hard. I honestly don't really understand where he's coming from and I'm not sure why because I know a lot of people would feel the same way.

nawlinsgrl · January 2013

***PAIF/SAIF***

I just want to tell you I think it's amazing that you feel this way, and I truly admire your selflessness in wanting to donate any extra embryos.

I find myself in the opposite camp. We didn't have any embryos from our first IVF, so it wasn't an issue, but do have 4 frosties left over from IVF #2. This will be our second and last child, that we are sure of. Both DH and I, while we wish we could be as generous as you, simply feel like we would be donating our child, that it would be an adoption of sorts, and we just aren't comfortable with the thought of someone else raising "our child."

We are waiting until after LO's birth to make any final decisions, as we have one year of storage included with our IVF package, but will likely donate them to science as what we consider a compromise: hopefully helping others in that way, if not with the direct donation to a couple.

I don't really have any answers, but did want to share my story. I can't imagine how difficult this difference of opinion between you and YH husband must be, and I truly sympathize. Again, I commend you on your stance, and wish you all the best as you two come to a decision in the future.

new+tothis · January 2013

I think that's how DH feels... that we would be giving up a baby for someone else to raise. I think that's a really good compromise - maybe I should bring that up with DH. Thank you for sharing your story. If nothing else it helps me remember that a lot of people feel the same way as DH.

kflynn81 · January 2013

I'm with you 100%....If I ever had embryos to freeze (this hasn't been an issue since there is never anything TO freeze) I wanted to donate them to someone too. MH was very opposed to this and wanted them discarded. We came to a compromise during our consent form signing day that we'd split the difference and donate them to research. If another woman wouldn't benefit from my actual embryo then maybe my embryos could help some woman someday avoid all the stress and heartache I went through. Is YH willing to donate to research maybe??

Km672 · January 2013

This is really hard. I totally understand all sides. DH and I are planning to do IVF with DE and DS this year. We very seriously looked into embryo donation and will definitely go that route if this cycle doesn't work, as we can only try another fresh IVF cycle due to logistics/financial reasons.
If we have extra embryos from this upcoming cycle, I'm not sure what we would do. It feels hypocritical, especially since we very well may be on the receiving side one day, but there is no clear answer.
I haven't talked to DH about this, he is just so afraid this will be another failure that I think I would put him over the edge if I brought this up now! If there is anything I have learned from IF, you never know what you will do or how you will feel until you are actually faced with the situation. I overthink EVERYTHING. I'm hoping that if we are fortunate enough to be in this situation, the answer will feel right to us in due time. Try not to worry about this, you or DH might feel differently in a couple years. Assuming you would freeze until you reach a mutual decision, there's no need to worry about it now. Good luck

liz4paws · January 2013

I want to tell you how wonderful you are for considering donating your leftover embies. As someone who received them, it has literally taken me from the darkest darkness I have ever known, to having light once again. I honestly cannot imagine building a family any other way now. There is a common misconception that there are more embryos to go around than families to adopt. That could not be further from the truth. There are way more families looking to adopt embies.

I hope your husband and you can come to an agreement that you both feel good about.

Ecarabeo217 · January 2013

DH and I also had a hard time with this. I will tell you that for round 1, we signed that we would donate to research should it come to that. Given that we never made it to transfer and it was devastating....this time we decided we would donate to a couple in need should we be so fortunate to end up with frostiness we were or planning to use at a later date. We both agreed that having experienced the heartache of a failed cycle and still looking at the uncertainty of having a child of our own, we could never discard them outright, and if we could save a couple from the same heartache, then it would be worth doing, even if it meant having our "baby" out there with someone else. We are sure that any couple facing the situation of needing DE would have nothing but love for that child.

I hope you and DH can come to an agreement that works for you both! Good luck!

jadwedd · January 2013

Not that it turned out to be an issue because I had no frosties but dh and I decided that we would have as many babies as we could handle. And we agreed to play that by ear. But I get every attached to them, and I did not want them destryoed or going to science. I wanted each of them to have a chance at life whether it was with us or someone else. My only concern would be that I would want to know their names so that I can make sure that my child was not falling in love with a biological sibling. But if I could not give them life I would want someone else to give it to them. Again, this is just what I thought, it did not come to that because I had no frosties. But DH agreed to do whatever I chose since he figured I did most of the work

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And I thought the emotional rollercoaster was over...

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