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DD's bday is coming up (and other random ramblings)

Ginlyn0Ginlyn0 member
in Blended Families

Later this month, DD turns 13. I actually asked her what she wanted to do for her birthday since it's sort of a big birthday and she requested a family party (like usual LOL). Love that girl! Anyway, with family, we just text invites. It was strange. I had to invite SIL (which hasn't been invited to any of DD's parties in like 8 years) so she could bring the older boys of my brother and the TW (I'm going to stick with that name for a bit). So strange that in place of my brother I now ended up with 2 families to invite. SIL has another kid and one on the way and I'm sure it won't be long until the TW ends up pregnant. DH said he thinks she will be by the end of the year. I'm sort of afraid the TW is going to bring her new guy because she officially tagged them in a relationship on FB yesterday. DH was like she better not bring him. I told him maybe she's smart enough to realize my parents are going to be there and it's too soon for that....maybe.

Oh, on a side note: TW has been playing what she and SIL call "Baby Daddy" on FB to SIL's unborn child. SIL told the father and he broke it off with her. She found the guy was married after doing some research on him. So TW has been going to the doctor's appointments w/ SIL. I guess one thing that is good is that they friends for now and that is good especially for SIL's youngest with my brother that was raised by TW but was suddenly forced to live with SIL after his death because he is still seeing TW regularly. On his 8th birthday last week, TW posted happy birthday to him from Mommy and SIL posted nothing...

I did tell DD that Aunt "TW" was dating again just in case. DD's only response "I'm disappointed in her" and that's saying a lot coming someone with Asperger's. I am keeping friendly with TW but only really talking kids with her.

Back to DD, I'm sort of at a loss as to what to get her. She only asked for this large Mega Block World of Warcraft Castle set which I got on sale for half-price right after Christmas. She didn't ask for anything else. She's not the typical girly-girl and there really isn't anything she needs but I want this birthday to be special because she's becoming a teen. I'm going to give her a piece of jewelery that her BD gave me when we were together. I actually have alot I have saved for her but I'm only going to give her one piece now. Any non girly-girl ideas? She's a pokemon, video games type of girl.

DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)

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Re: DD's bday is coming up (and other random ramblings)

  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    Only you can figure out how to handle this but is it possible to talk or text her something along the lines of you know she is dating and that you all are grieving differently and in the future you will want to meet him but that it is too soon for you right now and ask her not to bring him just yet? This way you are not calling her a TW but putting this on you instead?
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • socloudy99socloudy99 member

    I would text TW like PP said just for piece of mind. Your family isn't ready which is perfectly reasonable and should be respected.

    My mom took the stones out of several pieces of jewelery from her marriage to my dad and made me a pendent with my initial and all the stones in it. I loved it! When I was 18 the necklace broke so my mom put up the pendent till we got a new one because she though I would lose it. She lost it. I still give her crap about it (joking around) at 33 because I did love it.

    Maybe a gift card to one of those dine and game places (we have dave and busters here) with a note that is is mom and daughter day for lunch and gaming just for mom and teen.

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  • hopankahopanka member
    Does she like skylanders? Maybe get her the giants. i totally get the dilema of gifts. DS never has any ideas for himself, so its a struggle to get him gifts he would enjoy. As for TW, I would casually ask her for who she plans on bringing to the party, as you need a head count. Hopefully, she says just her kids. If not, you can always ask her not to bring the guy at that point. I hope she has still some sense left in her, so you dont have to deal with that.
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  • twister22twister22 member

    imageLittlejen22:
    Only you can figure out how to handle this but is it possible to talk or text her something along the lines of you know she is dating and that you all are grieving differently and in the future you will want to meet him but that it is too soon for you right now and ask her not to bring him just yet? This way you are not calling her a TW but putting this on you instead?

    This.

    Also, I'm really impressed with DD's response to the fact that TW is dating again. And as far as gifts, what about a Game Stop or Game Swap (or whatever is near you) gift card? That way, the next time a game or something comes out that she really wants, she can use her gift card to purchase. Or you said she likes Pokemon - has she seen the t.v. show? It stopped airing 10ish years ago I think. Maybe you could buy the t.v. series if you think she would enjoy that?

    image
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    imageLittlejen22:
    Only you can figure out how to handle this but is it possible to talk or text her something along the lines of you know she is dating and that you all are grieving differently and in the future you will want to meet him but that it is too soon for you right now and ask her not to bring him just yet? This way you are not calling her a TW but putting this on you instead?


    Exactly this.

    If TW starts to make a fuss about it, remind her that the party is for DD and you don't want there to be anything that will distract everyone's attention from why they're gathering. A child's birthday party is just not the place to introduce a new boytoy, especially when people are still grieving. Hopefully she'll be receptive to that.

    As for the gift: I agree with PPs about a gift card for Game Stop or the dine and game. I think that would be an awesome motherdaughter outing for you both later on.
    image

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