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I am divorced...

lookame3639lookame3639 member
in Blended Families
Well the divorce went through yesturday. I am relieved it's over but still anxious about it. I got better than local rule and our papers have it written several times the chikd molestor is not allowed any sort of contact with DS. I asked my ex how he thought that was ok and he said it was because the guy was in counsulling and admitted what he did felony gross sexual impositionmeaning he was naked alone with a 4 year old and inapropriatly touching her that is NOT ok! At any rate I tried to cut some visits back slightly, at keast his weekday visit because of the child molestor however my state has a local rule and it's hard to get away from that. I would need photo evidance that DS was in contact with the molestor. I fought hard though and in the end ex gave up a ton.

So here is the schedual. Ex sees DS every Weds for three hours and has every other weekend from 6pm Friday to 6pm Sunday. For the most part holidays the day is split half and half between us and several holidays were dropped. Spring and summer break continues normal schedual and winter break ex gets DS for a 4 day chunck after Christmas, otherwise regular scheduak continues. It's better than local rule but I still feel like I let DS down by not fighting harder. Then again if we went and saw a judge then ex would have gotten local rule..

On a side note ex told me that he knows his girlfriend is a problem and needs to stop harrassing me. He said thaty've gotten into several fights because he's to deal with me not her. He then went into how we need to have lunch and be friends. When I told him I could never coparent properly with him because of the girlfriend he starts going into this explaination of how they're just dating and he's not staying with her forever...mind you he lives with her mom and is a compulsive liar sooo....

So there ya have it...I apolize if theres and spelling/grammar errors as I am on my phone.
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Re: I am divorced...

  • ambrvanambrvan member
    I haven't caught your story in the past, but I couldn't help but offer some support reading this. My SD and her twp older half sibs were also molested. It a terrible battle, and justice is never really done. I just wanted you to know you weren't alone in this. I would have sent you to a PM but my phone doesn't do that.
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  • FutureMrsWittigFutureMrsWittig member

    You need to be coparents, not friends.  You don't need to have lunch.  You do need to be able to call him or e-mail him or text him regarding your son. 

    Don't respond to his girl friend if she contacts you.  If she is harassing you get a civil no contact order against her.  If it doesn't stop have her arrested.

    And you're giving your son contact with his dad.  That's not letting him down.  Hang in there.

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member

    What. The. Eff?  I cannot believe your XH tries to justify allowing a child molester have contact with your child.  Supervised or unsupervised.  Regardless of if it was a one time occurrence or a continuous problem.  Even if it only happened one time, that is one time too many.  What's your DS going to think when he gets older, discovers that this man is a child molester and that his father (who as a parent is supposed to protect him from everything he can) allowed him to be around?  No, no, no.  I might be a horrible person, but I would be having a private investigator following XH around when DS is with him to make sure there is never any sort of contact with the pedophile.  I cannot imagine being in your position and I am truly sorry that you have this person around. 

    As for the GF.  I agree with what PP said: ignore her.  If she becomes more of a problem get a restraining order.  If XH has told her to back off and she's still causing problems than she clearly has boundary issues.  It sounds like he's telling you things aren't going to go anywhere with her because he wants you to not hold it against him.  But actions speak louder than words.  If he's living with her then they're together.  Plain and simple.

    Don't worry about "being friends" with XH.  You don't have to be.  All you have to do is be civil, co-parent, and keep DS's best interests in mind.  It sounds like you're trying to just that, and that's good enough for now. 

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  • twister22twister22 member
    imageFutureMrsWittig:

    You need to be coparents, not friends.  You don't need to have lunch.  You do need to be able to call him or e-mail him or text him regarding your son. 

    Don't respond to his girl friend if she contacts you.  If she is harassing you get a civil no contact order against her.  If it doesn't stop have her arrested.

    And you're giving your son contact with his dad.  That's not letting him down.  Hang in there.

    All of this. 

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  • +just+j++just+j+ member
    DItto. And congratulations on the divorce. That has to be a big load off of your mind and I hope you feel like you can put him behind you (to a degree) and move on.
    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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