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Ettiquette for a second baby re: showers

TwiMomTwiMom member
in October 2011 Moms
Good morning!  One of my good friends is having a second baby and her first baby was born 4 1/2 years ago.  She didn't think she would have more kids so as he grew out of baby things they gave his stuff away.  They are starting from scratch basically.  So I am wondering what the ettiquette is for a shower for her.  Do people have showers for second pregnancies?  Some people I talk to say absolutely yes or absolutely NO!  Your thoughts?
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Re: Ettiquette for a second baby re: showers

  • morsey2011morsey2011 member
    I think small showers are ok. But to go out and register for all the big items for a 2nd child is kind of tacky to me. My church throws a shower for expectant families regardless of how many children they already have. People usually buy diapers, hygiene products,outfits, etc.
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  • cantalopes24cantalopes24 member

    imagemorsey2011:
    I think small showers are ok. But to go out and register for all the big items for a 2nd child is kind of tacky to me. My church throws a shower for expectant families regardless of how many children they already have. People usually buy diapers, hygiene products,outfits, etc.

    This. You could maybe invite a few close friends and family members and do a luncheon or something. Everyone already bought her the big ticket items the first time around I'm assuming and if they didn't then they aren't going to now. I had a shower for my second but they had different fathers and the first time around my shower was super small and was actually after I gave birth because he was a premie so it was more like a meet the baby thing. Only a couple of my friends were able to come to E's because they were mostly away at college so they wanted to be there for Lo's shower. I didn't register for any of the big ticket items the first (or second) time around because either family bought them or we did. If I have another baby my friends and I will probably get together with my mom for a lunch thing or pedicures but I am hoping they don't bring presents because we already have too much kid crap lol.

     

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  • Nita2603Nita2603 member
    My SiL was in that situation. She had a kid at 18 and people were throwing showers to make sure she was well equipped since the circumstances were not ideal.
    Now, 4 years later, she had another one. She had sold and given away most of his stuff. She expected to get some showers and be given a lot of stuff. Well, it did not happen. We had a small get together with family and got her outfits and diapers and such / but those things she would have gotten from us anyways.

    I think it depends on the individual case.
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  • pennysuedogpennysuedog

    I had the worlds biggest 2nd baby shower. 

    I didn't have a shower for Oliver, my sister and mom put together something small after he was born so people could meet him, I got a couple outfits.  I was so young when he was born(20)my family was not excited and more disappointed about the whole situation.  I think my family realized they kind of did me wrong and tried to make up for it by giving me a huge and lavish 2nd baby shower.      

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  • karinothingkarinothing member
    Eh if friends want to throw it and she isn't asking for it, I don't see what the big deal is. Have fun!
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  • ebp913ebp913 member

    Liz... where are you?!  

    Etiquette for this is either no shower or a small shower and no registry. It's not other people's fault that she gave all her baby stuff away.  If she's having a baby, she needs to be prepared to buy everything and not rely on others.   

    Lots of this depends on what is common in her/your circle of friends.  Where I live, no one does second showers but for other people it's pretty common.   Generally speaking, second showers are frowned upon except in cases like some of the ones above... it's the father's 1st baby, didn't have a shower the first time, etc.  

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  • Elsa1984Elsa1984 member
    In my area it is not frowned upon to have a second shower, however it is frowned upon if you think people are going to go all out or you register for big ticket items. If she cannot afford the big items, she should get them second hand. Or if a close family member tells her they want to get a big item and ask her what she needs, she can tell them. But to register for them and expect them....that's side eye worthy for sure.

    In my family we feel every baby is worth celebrating. The first, everyone goes all out. The second and those after, most don't even register and people get them little things like clothing, blankets, diapers, bath products, etc.
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  • stardust317stardust317 member
    I think second baby showers are kind of tacky.  They threw a small one for me at work.  It was a surprise, and I would never have asked for another shower.
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  • LatteLady5LatteLady5 member
    I think there are some exceptions to the no 2nd shower rule (like PP's have listed) but throwing out baby stuff isn't one of them. Is someone throwing her a shower? Also, with almost a 5 year gap I am sure that she would need to buy a lot of things new even if she had saved her old things. Clothes styles changes, carseats expire, toys are updated etc.

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  • joolz17joolz17 member
    Yeah, second showers around here aren't really acceptable. In my group of friends we tend to either have a brunch to meet the baby when it's born (but not a gifting occasion), or do a spa mani/pedi day for the mom while she's pregnant.
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  • TwiMomTwiMom member
    Thanks for the input!  No one is throwing her a shower (yet) and she hasn't talked about registering (yet) but I just wanted to know what the etiquette is.  I threw her a big shower for her first baby and she's my only close friend to move on to baby #2.  She's only at 15 weeks now but if a shower was expected I wanted to have plenty of time to plan (and save lol) for it.  :)
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  • LatteLady5LatteLady5 member

    imageTwiMom:
    Thanks for the input!  No one is throwing her a shower (yet) and she hasn't talked about registering (yet) but I just wanted to know what the etiquette is.  I threw her a big shower for her first baby and she's my only close friend to move on to baby #2.  She's only at 15 weeks now but if a shower was expected I wanted to have plenty of time to plan (and save lol) for it.  :)

    I would suggest doing a girls day. Do a nice lunch and mani/pedis or something. You should not feel obligated to throw a shower especially since you did the first one. She's probably not even expecting one :)


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