Any advice?

dede0726 · January 2013

I start stims on Saturday! I am fully aware that this first cycle may not work for us which is why we opted to go with the warranty program that our clinic offers. We paid more, but we get more chances and thus better odds. DH is quick to remind me of this when I start to show too much excitement about finally starting our cycle. I've told him I know in my head and my heart now, but if it doesn't work I will probably still be devestated. This is a fine line I feel like I am walking - I don't want to be too excited because then I feel like I won't be that let down but I aslo don't want to go into it with a negative attitude either.

Any advice??

solisilou · January 2013

I don't have any advice but I can tell you a bit about my own rollercoaster. For IVF#1 I was super, super excited like my heart would start racing mad just by thinking about. It unfortunately ended in m/c and I must say that I was a bit disappointed but still very hopeful because that was just my first cycle. For FET#2 I was already very pessimistic and thought that a BFN wouldn't hit me as hard, but it ended being the worst of the blows, leading me to see a counselor. What I mean to say is that there is no perfect formula that will protect you from disappointment. I now let myself be happy and excited if I feel like it, I know the fall will hurt no matter what I do, so I might as well enjoy these moments of blissful optimism.

dede0726 · January 2013

solisilou:
I don't have any advice but I can tell you a bit about my own rollercoaster. For IVF#1 I was super, super excited like my heart would start racing mad just by thinking about. It unfortunately ended in m/c and I must say that I was a bit disappointed but still very hopeful because that was just my first cycle. For FET#2 I was already very pessimistic and thought that a BFN wouldn't hit me as hard, but it ended being the worst of the blows, leading me to see a counselor. What I mean to say is that there is no perfect formula that will protect you from disappointment. I now let myself be happy and excited if I feel like it, I know the fall will hurt no matter what I do, so I might as well enjoy these moments of blissful optimism.

Thank you for sharing that with me. I am so sorry for the struggles you have had! I am trying really hard to be realistic about this process but it's hard not te get too excited or not to feel too anxious and worried about it all.

LuClo · January 2013

Second solisilou; there's no perfect mix. I know it's magical thinking, but it feels like IF 'knows' and will always throw the opposite of what you're prepared for. If nothing else, you learn to be flexible and let go of your own expectations. It's like mandatory zen.

jezebel57 · January 2013

I feel the exact same way! It's hard to know which to feel and how to act. I want to think positive because I hear that positive thinking/visualization will make things happen, but then if it doesn't, is it my fault for that negative thought that crept in that one time? I am really trying to take one day at a time (which is sooooo hard) and enjoy the process. Yep, I said it. ENJOY the process. Let each dr.'s appointment, each needle, each issue with the insurance company if you're not OOP be a reason to celebrate. If it does work I think I'll be much happier to share my "getting pregnant" story than if I was miserable and doubtful the whole time. lol.

stinkerbell6879 · January 2013

I have not been there yet, but I think it is good to be walking that fine line. I think you should try to be positive but also be aware of the reality of the negative side. I also agree that it is hard! But try and stay focused on what you want in the end of this all. ((HUGS))

Amyou06 · January 2013

I know how you feel. I'm on cycle day 7, and I get excited, and then I get scared, and then back again. My DH is always telling me I need to be more optimistic...and I am, but I guess I try not to be too crazy optimistic because I dont want to be even more devastated. I like to think of myself as realistic! But the people that know we're doing this, all are so super positive, which is great, but also makes me nervous. Sometimes I think ignorance is bliss for the people who aren't really dealing with the IF issues.. I dont know..its really confusing and stressful. The financial and emotional gamble you are taking. I just pray that we get plenty this first round, to have some to put back and to freeze...because financially I know we can't afford to do an entire additional round anytime soon..So I'm sorry if I dont really have any advice so to speak, but sometimes Its just nice knowing you are NORMAL with how you are feeling, and were all here going through it with you! Best of luck to you!

Crystal120410 · January 2013

Holy moly I fight this all the time and every time I see a post about whether to POAS or not to POAS. My story is many cancelled IUI before actually doing 1. It was a BFN. So I moved on to IVF#1, it was a BFP. I POAS and started getting positives about 8dp5dt. Along came my first 2 betas and they were perfect. So at this point I knew I was pregnant for 2 weeks. At my first u/s there was nothing there, I had lost it. That was on a Thursday and my beta was still great on Tuesday, so somewhere between Tuesday and Thursday I had a m/c. I was devestated. It made me realize that the longer you know the harder it is when things go bad. It also made me think that just because you make it to one step doesnt mean you will make it to the next. I have had sooooo many cancelled cycles that I tend to be kinda negative. I want to be as hopeful as I was before and POAS and be excited if its positive and jump for joy if I get a good beta. But the truth is I just dont know if I can because I know how quickly things can go bad. I know I shouldnt think this way but I cant help it. So I guess Im with the other posters that I dont really have any advice, just to tell you my story and for you to know your not alone. Im sure this is something we all struggle with. IF sucks and one of the many things it takes away from you is being happy when things are good because your afraid of it going bad. Good luck to you.

dede0726 · January 2013

This is why I love this board - I understand not having any advice, but at the very least you all remind me that what I am feeling is not unusual and I am not the only one to have felt these feelings. Thank you for that!!

JSM0801 · January 2013

I just wanted to say good luck starting your cycle! It is normal to feel excited and scared and anxious and a million other things. Take it one day at a time, and my advice is to be cautiously optimistic. Hope for the best but expect the worst, ya know? My first RE basically guaranteed us a take home baby based on my age health. He actually said "I don't mean to sound cocky, but I am 100 confident you will be pregnant by Oct." We left his office feeling on top of the world, like it was going to be a sure thing, and here we still are. So, be positive and hopeful, but just know the reality. Best of luck to you!

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