women should just suck it up?!

darrahmccall · January 2013

I don't post here often, I'm over in the TTC board. I just have to vent.

my c section was an emergency c section., I labored for 35 hours and pushed for 5.

I was getting my hair done the other day and my hair stylist said that she is using a midwife which is fine and dandy. and she proceeds to tell me that her midwife says women should just suck it up and do birth naturally.

Ugh!!!! Annoying. My sons head at birth was the size of an average 3 month old! And I was two weeks over due, and the list goes on and on.

giraffe54 · January 2013

As much as I planned and hoped for a natural birth, my double footling baby had a very high chance of dying were I to just 'suck it up'. I do think that c-sections and medicalized births are pushed on women more often than necessary, but that doesn't change that fact that some people want an epi and some people need a c-section. The midwife sounds like an idiot, and is clearly doing a disservice to her clients. What happens if your stylist ends up with a baby positioned like mine? Will she just suck it up while baby suffocates from a collapsed cord?

+ASH+ · January 2013

Was she talking about natural birth vs. c-sections? Or natural birth vs. epidural? Because if it was the latter, I imagine all midwives feel that way, since their day to day life involves seeing women go without the epidural. I'd like to think no midwife would be cavalier about c-sections, since there's always a chance that there will be an emergency and they need to get the mom to the hospital to have one.

ladybugpjb · January 2013

+ASH+:
Was she talking about natural birth vs. c-sections? Or natural birth vs. epidural? Because if it was the latter, I imagine all midwives feel that way, since their day to day life involves seeing women go without the epidural. I'd like to think no midwife would be cavalier about c-sections, since there's always a chance that there will be an emergency and they need to get the mom to the hospital to have one.

That was my first thought, too.

And I sucked it up for around 36 hours of back labor before I got my epi, and I stalled as long as I could on the c-section.

1026pumpkin · January 2013

This makes me so mad! Do people realize that it's not a matter of "sucking it up" but doing what's in the best interest of the baby and safety?!?!?!

I can suck up a lot of pain, but I'm not risking a negative outcome for my baby for anything!

UberBiz · January 2013

That's just a completely ridiculous statement. Every situation is different. If I had "sucked it up" and continued to push and have a vaginal delivery (I had already had the epi and pitocin at that point) instead of the emergency c-section I wound up with, I would have a dead baby instead of my beautiful 7-yr old in my life. I'm sure the epidural didn't wrap the cord around her neck, so don't blame the medication either. Urgh.

MommyMelDay · January 2013

What she said is infuriating!!

When my daughter was born 5 1/2 years ago, I went into labor on my own 11 days after her due date and after 22 hours I had only progressed to 3 cm. The hospital that I was at is in a small town in Northern Iowa and epidurals were not available until you reached at least 6 cm. The doctors decided that even if I progressed I'd be too tired to push. I suppose that's the point I should have "sucked it up" as this midwife said?

My daughter ended up being born and looking like she had a cantelope in her stomach. She has cystic fibrosis, which we did not know before she was born, and the thick mucus had ruptured a hole in her small intestine causing mechonium to fill her abdomen. If I had tried to have her naturally, we would have lost her before they realized anything was wrong and got me to surgery. I wonder if this midwife would have told me to "suck it up" then as well?

I carried my child for 9 months, went through 22 hours of labor with no drugs (not saying anything bad about epidurals - I would have totally taken them if they were available), and then sat by her side in the NICU for 3 months until we could take her home. I wasn't able to breast feed her and I pumped for 6 weeks before they told me that my milk wasn't as beneficial as some of the formulas that could help her gain weight and go home faster.

I put my pride aside and did everything I could to ensure my daughter's safety. I didn't have a vaginal delivery and I didn't breast feed and I feel like every bit of a mother as anyone else. I get so tired of the judgement that comes along with c-sections. I will never understand why women can't just be supportive of one another and have to "one-up" others all the time. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but come on... Had that midwife been in the room with me when all this was going on I'm pretty sure she would have changed her tune.

Don't let anyone make you feel like less of an AMAZING person because you created life and now you're raising your child to the best of your abilities! Congrats on being AWESOME!!

kpadilla80 · January 2013

wow. honestly, what a b!tch, being a medical professional she of all people should understand that every circumstance is different, and she should be in a supporting role not a judgemental role, wish i heard that in person.

jb2rn · January 2013

I have a difficult time believing that her Midwife really said that. I think she may have edited her response..a bit.

Midwives are educated - and know that while they (IMO) manage a normal, healthy pregnancy better than MD's, there is a time and a place for MD's.

C Sections are performed too much in our country, this is true. However, many are life saving for both Mom and baby.

allibrooke · January 2013

It is nice to see this post. A couple months after I gave birth to my son via c-section, I went to a work party with my husband. One of his co-worker's wives is a doula and told me something very similar--that I could have had a natural birth if I had really wanted it. Shocked and still a little post-partum, I felt the need to inform her that his heart rate kept drastically dropping causing the doctor rush into the room and that having him naturally was not worth the risk to me when his heart rate is dropping. Kind of ended that conversation quickly. But I'm happy to say I have a healthy 15 month old and I credit that to the doctors making the quick and safe decision.

rmp25 · January 2013

I am all up for natural birth if that is what the mother wants and it can be safely done. I think that everyone should have the birth experience that they want. That said I had an emergency c-section with my first because of the way he was turned. I will be having a scheduled c-section this time because my hospital won't allow VBACs which is perfectly fine with me. I personally wouldn't want a mid-wife who wouldn't call it at some point and say that a c-section is the safest route for baby to get here, but instead force me to "suck it up."

Courtimilk · January 2013

It's not mom's ''not-sucking-it-up'', it's usually the doctors' call. Whether you get the doctor that prefers CS over vaginal birth-- or the doctor that does not want to explain to you family that you and/or the baby died during delivery-- it's not the mom's call first.

jc0n15 · January 2013

OMG I would have hit that lady. I was like you...in active labor, fully dialated and pushing for hours. When they told me that I needed to have a c-section I CRIED!! It took my husband telling me it was the best for the baby for me to say ok. She definately has it wrong....we had to suck it up and let them cut us open and pump us full of drugs that make you crazy after to do what is best for our baby!!

danigirl7181 · January 2013

If I wouldn't have had a csection my DD would be here today. She was blue and unresponsive when they pulled her out, her first apgar score was a 0. Some people don't know what they are talking about.

coppisa26 · January 2013

Women are definitely other women's worst critics, so quick to pass judgement on others who did not do it the way they did it. Instead of arguing who is better at handling tons of pain, let's support one another in our decisions. That goes for the nursing vs. formula debate, too.

Nickisiebert · February 2013

That's brutal. I had a midwife, and she was the one that told me I needed to go to the hospital because DS was not coming. A good midwife would NEVER undermine any women's birth process regardless of how it turns out. They are well educated and are fully aware that not every birth is roses and slip'nslides. The problem is not that women aren't sucking it up, because I sure did a damn good job of sucking it up thru 37hrs of labor b4 the Csec. Many women and children would die without c secs, so undermining them broadly is ridiculous and unwise. The problem is people with that attitude, not 'women'. You hairdresser needs a new midwife....

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