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Shower Guest List Etiquette

amcongdonamcongdon member
in Baby Showers

So I'm a FTM and the first of my family to be having a baby so I'm just trying to figure out how to do all this. My parents are divorced (and have been for 25 years) and both are remarried. Each side of my family is throwing their own shower and my husband's family is throwing a third. The same thing happened with my bridal showers. 

Do I do the same thing with this one and invite my mom and MIL to all of them? Do I invite my stepmom to all of them as well (we are pretty close)? I don't want them to feel obligated to get us three gifts or anything but I want them to feel included etc.  

 

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Re: Shower Guest List Etiquette

  • 526SadieSadie526SadieSadie member

    You don't invite anyone, your host invites them.  If your mom is on good terms with your stepmother and MIL, and vice versa I think it's a nice gesture for them to be invited to each other's events.  Let the hosts figure it out for themselves, don't get in the middle.

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  • Mr&MrsMTAMr&MrsMTA member
    I know some FTM are apart of the planning process....my SIL was because she was on bed rest early on and didnt want to have a scare shock when she was walking in a door for a surprise. I think since you are all close...I would just throw it out there that they are more then welcome to join you  at each but should not feel obligated to attend all or buy a gift for all. its just a hey if you wanna come  then come if not thats fine kind of thing.
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  • 1026pumpkin1026pumpkin member
    If the hosts of each shower are comfortable with it and they all get along, sure.
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  • CougFanCougFan member
    image526SadieSadie:

    You don't invite anyone, your host invites them.  If your mom is on good terms with your stepmother and MIL, and vice versa I think it's a nice gesture for them to be invited to each other's events.  Let the hosts figure it out for themselves, don't get in the middle.

    Do you think maybe she simply asking whom should be on the list for each different shower? I know it is typical around here for the first sentence of a reply to remind people that they don't host their own shower or have any say in how their shower goes...but your "reminder" here is kind of a stretch.

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  • 526SadieSadie526SadieSadie member
    imageCougFan:
    image526SadieSadie:

    You don't invite anyone, your host invites them.  If your mom is on good terms with your stepmother and MIL, and vice versa I think it's a nice gesture for them to be invited to each other's events.  Let the hosts figure it out for themselves, don't get in the middle.

    Do you think maybe she simply asking whom should be on the list for each different shower? I know it is typical around here for the first sentence of a reply to remind people that they don't host their own shower or have any say in how their shower goes...but your "reminder" here is kind of a stretch.

    Again, not something she needs to worry about. Part of being a host is determining who's invited.  I don't see it as something she needs to worry about.  If the three moms are all cool with each other, they'll probably invite each other without input from the OP.  If they're not ok with having the ex-wife/current wife/ MIL around, they won't; and if that's the case, the OP's input wouldn't matter anyway, KWIM? 

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  • CougFanCougFan member
    image526SadieSadie:
    imageCougFan:
    image526SadieSadie:

    You don't invite anyone, your host invites them.  If your mom is on good terms with your stepmother and MIL, and vice versa I think it's a nice gesture for them to be invited to each other's events.  Let the hosts figure it out for themselves, don't get in the middle.

    Do you think maybe she simply asking whom should be on the list for each different shower? I know it is typical around here for the first sentence of a reply to remind people that they don't host their own shower or have any say in how their shower goes...but your "reminder" here is kind of a stretch.

    Again, not something she needs to worry about. Part of being a host is determining who's invited.  I don't see it as something she needs to worry about.  If the three moms are all cool with each other, they'll probably invite each other without input from the OP.  If they're not ok with having the ex-wife/current wife/ MIL around, they won't; and if that's the case, the OP's input wouldn't matter anyway, KWIM? 

    I'm sorry, I have never heard that that is part of a host's job. The host should determine how many people the accommodate, but pick who's invited? How often does the host know all the people attending?

    And what if her mom invites the MIL and Step Mom but the MIL doesn't? Then she's the common denominator in some family drama.

    I often read here (and agree) that if you have multiple showers it is in poor taste to invite someone to more than one--but many people feel that exception is made for the mothers of the MTB and FTB (or bride & groom), so she simply could have been checking to see if that was an okay thing to do. 

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  • rhubarb123rhubarb123 member

    If they are all OK with each other (which hopefully they are since I doubt you plan to have 3 birthday parties for your LO for instance) then put them on all 3 lists.  If you see them I'd probably let them know that they are invited to all 3 but you certainly don't expect a gift from them.

    My mom and MIL were invited to two of my showers.  My mom & MILcame to the family/friend shower, my mom came to the church shower (MIL did not although she was invited), and neither came to the work shower (nor were they invited).

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  • 526SadieSadie526SadieSadie member
    imageCougFan:
    image526SadieSadie:
    imageCougFan:
    image526SadieSadie:

    You don't invite anyone, your host invites them.  If your mom is on good terms with your stepmother and MIL, and vice versa I think it's a nice gesture for them to be invited to each other's events.  Let the hosts figure it out for themselves, don't get in the middle.

    Do you think maybe she simply asking whom should be on the list for each different shower? I know it is typical around here for the first sentence of a reply to remind people that they don't host their own shower or have any say in how their shower goes...but your "reminder" here is kind of a stretch.

    Again, not something she needs to worry about. Part of being a host is determining who's invited.  I don't see it as something she needs to worry about.  If the three moms are all cool with each other, they'll probably invite each other without input from the OP.  If they're not ok with having the ex-wife/current wife/ MIL around, they won't; and if that's the case, the OP's input wouldn't matter anyway, KWIM? 

    I'm sorry, I have never heard that that is part of a host's job. The host should determine how many people the accommodate, but pick who's invited? How often does the host know all the people attending?

    And what if her mom invites the MIL and Step Mom but the MIL doesn't? Then she's the common denominator in some family drama.

    I often read here (and agree) that if you have multiple showers it is in poor taste to invite someone to more than one--but many people feel that exception is made for the mothers of the MTB and FTB (or bride & groom), so she simply could have been checking to see if that was an okay thing to do. 

    I know what you're saying but have you ever been to a shower with different sides of a family (ex wives and current wives/girlfriends) when they hate each other?  It's super uncomfortable.  My best friend's mother (and her family) and her father's girlfriend (and his family) hate each other, and her son's father's mother (and her family) and stepmother (family) also hate each other.  It was the most uncomfortable afternoon of my life being in a room with representatives of four families who hate each other's guts and would love nothing more than for spitting in someone's eye to be socially acceptable.

    If no one gets along and there are three separate showers already, I see no reason for them to have to host each other.

     

     

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  • Happy2BPregnantHappy2BPregnant member

    imagediscobelle:
    I think it's nice to include all the moms at all the showers.  You can always tell them no gifts expected.

    This.  I think the grandmothers should be invited to all the showers.  My mom and mil were invited to both my showers.  One of my showers is being thrown by a close friend and the other is being thrown by my husband's aunts.

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  • HarleyKinsHarleyKins member

    I'm in the tacky club.

    Everyone in my family keeps asking my parents (divorced) when the baby shower is, so I had to ask my mom if this was something she would do. I'm an only child - no S or SIL is going to step forward to host.

    We are having 2 showers. One is family (mom's side, dad's side, step dad's side, husb side) - probably only 20 people since many are out of town. The other is friends.

    I don't want any more than 2 - how tiring! Maybe you can get them to combine the family into one?

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