- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
ldawngirl
member
Am I being too sensitive?
ldawngirl
member
A bit of background:
I was pregnant in the summer/fall and was 15.5 weeks along when we terminated pregnancy due to a serious medical abnormality. This is something DH and I knew was possible and there's a 50/50 chance of it, so we took the gamble once, but we're not sure if we'll try again at all. I would love a child, but that just may not be in the cards for us.
Anyway... I have a close friend whose son is about 2 years old. And while I know that parents are often obsessive about their children and will talk about them a lot, I feel like she does it way more than necessary. I was kind of annoyed by it before I was even pregnant, but now there are so many things that she says that really get to me. (She knows about the situation and what happened.)
For example, I was texting with her about Christmas stuff and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, she sent me a text talking about how exciting her life is because her son is changing and growing up so much.
I posted on Facebook about having to miss the book signing of someone I love because I have to work a 12 hour day. Her response was... "Yikes! A 12 hour day! I guess I work that too if you consider mothering and then going into my job where I make money.
She's also said the condescending "when you're a parent, you'll know..." (this was before she knew I was pregnant).
It's one of those things where anything and everything leads to mentioning she's am other or she has a son.
I am in no way mad/upset if she wants to talk about her son - I love hearing about how he's changing, seeing photos, hearing any cute story. But I feel like some things are going a bit over the top. The text about how exciting her life was really bugged me because we weren't talking about her son at all so it came out of left field and it really hurt because I may never have that kind of "exciting life change".
Maybe I'm just being sensitive, but I do have other friends with kids and I don't feel this way about them. Am I being too emotional about this?
For the record, this friend is also a counsellor, so I feel like she, if anyone, would be super sensitive to my situation...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Am I being too sensitive?
It doesn't sound like you're being too sensitive to me; it sounds like she's talking too much.
Also: I will state for the record that my mother is a counselor, and she was probably the least helpful person who said the most inappropriate things to me after learning about my first miscarriage. So unfortunately, being in the mental health field doesn't make you a more sensitive/empathetic person. Unfortunately, I think only going through it yourself can do that.
BFP with #1 (twins!) 11/18/2011 - missed m/c at 8weeks3days; d&c 1/19/2012; myomectomy to remove 18cm+,10cm & 5cm fibroids 4/2012; TTC again 7/2012; BFP #2 (twins) 11/13/2012; missed m/c at 7weeks;
BFP #3: baby girl born 3/5/2014
Balaustine: an anthology about wanting family
No, you're not being too sensitive. I would be bothered too. Do you feel comfortable mentioning it too her? Say something like, "Jane, I think Leeroy is great and I know you love being a mother, but hearing about every detail so soon after my loss is really difficult for me. Would it be okay if we talk about something else?"
She probably doesn't even realize she's doing it. And yeah, being a counselor doesn't mean she'll be sensitive.
I agree with this. OP, your post sounds reasonable & as if you've really been thinking a lot about this. It sounds like her thoughtlessness is really hurting & I don't think that's overly sensitive at all.
I would also recommend to confront her in a way that you feel comfortable; over lunch, through text, whatever is most appropriate for your relationship. In the end, if she loves you, she'll be more thoughtful; if she doesn't, she won't. Either way, you'll know what kind of person is in your life & you'll be able to decide from there. GL to you hun.