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Summer plans - wedding vs visitation

HisChamaoleGirlHisChamaoleGirl member
in Blended Families

We are a military family as some of you know. Well this summer I have a five week course I have to attend. I have two "obligations" this summer. One is a friends wedding and the other is summer visitation. I know the visitation is for DH but I genuinely look forward to seeing and spendig time with SS.

The rarest thing happened today in that I was given the opportunity to CHOOSE when my course is to be. Basically it is coming down to missing five weeks of SS visitation or being MOH in my friends wedding. To me its a pretty easy choice bc SS is important to me. However, I have been told 1. Bride has been in life longer than SS 2. Bride only gets married once (except this is her 2nd wedding) 3. SS is there for his dad and not me. 

Am I really that awful that I made the decision so easily to be with my family over a friends wedding so easily?

BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012

BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

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Re: Summer plans - wedding vs visitation

  • sweetwalkssweetwalks member
    You are very much long distance to your SS. I would have made the exact same decision.

    How close are you with this friend. I would hesitate to continue to consider her a friend if she really wanted me to choose my SS, whom I rarely see, over her wedding. If it was her first wedding, then I may feel differently towards her probably wouldn't change my decision but it's her second. Surely she should understand.
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  • sabrina69barnessabrina69barnes member
    How close is this friend? If she is really close like a sister I might consider being in the wedding. If not this is a no brainer. How many people know you get to choose when you take this course? If the bride doesn't know, just tell her you have to go to this and wont be able to be in her wedding. She doesn't need to know that you ever had a choice in the first place.
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  • HisChamaoleGirlHisChamaoleGirl member
    imagesabrina69barnes:
    How close is this friend? If she is really close like a sister I might consider being in the wedding. If not this is a no brainer. How many people know you get to choose when you take this course? If the bride doesn't know, just tell her you have to go to this and wont be able to be in her wedding. She doesn't need to know that you ever had a choice in the first place.

    My husband and you ladies are the only ones who know I get to choose my course date. Taking it at the time I want to really is best for our family. Quite frankly, financially I cannot afford to attend the wedding and visitation and that too makes it an easy choice. Yes I have time to budget for both, but I don't want to take away funds that could contribute to more summer activities for ss for a wedding.

    BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012

    BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    image 

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  • jennipalmerjennipalmer member

    My husband is military and I say blame it on the military. We have had to cancel many of things because of military

     

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  • twister22twister22 member
    imagewendilea:

    I think it's a no-brainer.  Blame the army - tell her how honored you are to be picked to be in her wedding, but that darn army scheduled you for training that you can't get out of.

    And yay for you for thinking of SS first!  I wish more SM's did that.

    I agree. 

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  • lb1212lb1212 member
    Is there a way SS visitation can be altered? A win-win for everyone involved!
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  • HisChamaoleGirlHisChamaoleGirl member
    imagelb1212:
    Is there a way SS visitation can be altered? A winwin for everyone involved!
    Visitstion is one week after ss is released from school and has to be back to BM two weeks before the first day of school. This allows him. To adjust to being back in BM home and get used to the time zone. BM won't allow visitation to be adjusted unless it is DH taking less time than outlined.

    BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012

    BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    image 

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  • HisChamaoleGirlHisChamaoleGirl member
    imagewendilea:
    I think it's a nobrainer.nbsp; Blame the army tell her how honored you are to be picked to be in her wedding, but that darn army scheduled you for training that you can't get out of.And yay for you for thinking of SS first!nbsp; I wish more SM's did that.
    thank you for your advice. I really do care about ss and if I miss this visitation the next time I will see him will bring our separation to 18months and I think that will put a strain on our relationship. I want ss to know he is important to me

    BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012

    BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    image 

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  • HisChamaoleGirlHisChamaoleGirl member
    imageJNL$LSM:
    image*HiS ChAmAoLe GiRL*:

    We are a military family as some of you know. Well this summer I have a five week course I have to attend. I have two "obligations" this summer. One is a friends wedding and the other is summer visitation. I know the visitation is for DH but I genuinely look forward to seeing and spendig time with SS.


    The rarest thing happened today in that I was given the opportunity to CHOOSE when my course is to be. Basically it is coming down to missing five weeks of SS visitation or being MOH in my friends wedding. To me its a pretty easy choice bc SS is important to me. However, I have been told 1. Bride has been in life longer than SS 2. Bride only gets married once (except this is her 2nd wedding) 3. SS is there for his dad and not me. 


    Am I really that awful that I made the decision so easily to be with my family over a friends wedding so easily?

    1. Bride has been in life longer than SS

    I could not make the above bold however, this surprises me so if this was your bio child would she say the same thing??? Did she say this??? OMG if she did. 


    Yes, this happened. I can't say I am surprised based on her reaction to our loss. Now you can come to my wedding! My due date would have prevented that.

    BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012

    BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    image 

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  • unhdncr21unhdncr21 member
    First off I can't believe she said that to you about your lost and being able to be in the wedding... never mind making you pick... however whatever you decide just make sure you tell her as soon as possible, which it appears that you decided to go with your SS.... but at the same time you want to give her some time to replace you.
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  • J&A2008J&A2008 member

    I think you've got a great big heart, and I think it's wonderful you want to spend the time with SS.

    Ditto "blame the army" and hopefully you can have a fun time with your friend sometime before or after her wedding to celebrate with her.  (OMG she's lacking on tact, though!)

    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
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