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Attachment Parenting
ohlily
member
Self Soothing?
ohlily
member
I am a FTM and constantly want to hold my DS. He just turned 3 mo. and hates to be put down. I have started trying to put him down as often as I can now because I'm returning to work soon and I know he will not be able to be held all the time like when hes with me, but thats for another post 
. Anyway he wont sit on his own for more than 10 min and as soon as he cries I pick him up because I dont want to see my baby cry. My family and friends are telling me im spoiling him and he needs to self soothe but I feel that hes still to young for that. Also I don't want one of those kids you see on super nanny am I spoiling him, should I let him self soothe? Please tell me what you think if you say self soothe how long do you let them cry?
. Anyway he wont sit on his own for more than 10 min and as soon as he cries I pick him up because I dont want to see my baby cry. My family and friends are telling me im spoiling him and he needs to self soothe but I feel that hes still to young for that. Also I don't want one of those kids you see on super nanny am I spoiling him, should I let him self soothe? Please tell me what you think if you say self soothe how long do you let them cry? Mrs. Mommy
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Re: Self Soothing?
I carried DD with me everywhere for close to six months. She didn't want to be put down until she could sit unassisted. Then she never wanted to be held.
I also don't think you need to prepare your LO for daycare. He will learn how different caretakers care for him. Hold him as much as you want to.
This. The idea of spoiling a baby by cuddling it is outdated.
Cuddle to your hearts content!
I'm also a FTM with a 7 month old. I held the bejeezus out of her when she was an infant. Mostly I only put her down when she was sleeping. Now she is very happy and content to play by herself for extended periods, so I am pretty sure I didn't spoil her
Cuddle your baby as much and as often as you want - especially considering you're going back to work. Take every opportunity to build a strong bond!
Breastfeeding Counselor with Breastfeeding USA
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For people who left their children cry at a young age to learn to "self soothe"-- they didn't teach that skill. They taught their children that when they communicate their needs (which they can only do by crying and at 3 months old touch is an important need) that their mom doesn't meet them so they give up on trying. That's not a skill you want to teach your child.
Meet your child's needs. Even if you hold him a lot he will still adapt to a daycare environment quickly.
This!
You will not spoil an infant by holding him. You will create a vital attachment which is necessary for future independence.
I think crying is not actually "self soothing" and if they stop crying after 5-10 minutes, it's just because they realized there's no point in crying. It doesn't mean they're happy about it.
If you're happy to hold your LO all day long, do! If you're feeling a little overwhelmed, like I was when I couldn't go to the bathroom or fix myself breakfast without my daughter having a meltdown, then you can teach your 3 month old to "self sooth" through other methods: play extended peek-a-boo and each day elongate the time between each "boo" so that he learns not to panic each time you step away; if you have a bouncy seat or swing, if he starts to cry, rather than picking him up immediately, try bouncing/swinging him a bit - there are lots of ways to sooth even if your arms need a rest. he should be old enough for toys now - set him up with some tummy time & a few toys after each diaper change, he'll recognize the pattern and probably learn to enjoy it. once he's used to it, you can step away for a few minutes while he plays. As he gets older, you'll be able to step away for longer.
It was kinda of a big "aha!" moment for me when I realized my daughter enjoyed watching me fix myself breakfast & lunch. So if you have a pack n play with an elevated bassinet - put him in that while you fix yourself a meal or snack and he can observe & learn.
You shouldn't have to hold your little guy all day long if you don't want to, but he also shouldn't have to cry for extended periods of time to learn there are other ways to enjoy your company between the snuggles.
This, this, this, especially the first part.