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Baby Showers
pinkiemo
member
what to do about shower offers
pinkiemo
member
in Baby Showers
I have a DD but we lived across the country from my friends and family when she was born so I never had a shower. Now we live in my hometown and are having a second child.
Both my friend and my sister have brought up throwing me a shower because I didn't have one last time and I'm having a boy this time around.
Is it tacky to have a shower if I never got one the first time? Also, since both offered, neither have brought it up again to make any kind of plans. My sis lives out of state, but my friend is due two weeks after me. I hate to bring it up to either of them but something inside me would like to have this experience (I didn't have a bridal shower either).
Always Sunny's back b-tches!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: what to do about shower offers
I absolutely wouldn't bring it up again. If they are serious about doing it for you, they'll contact you and get it put together.
I don't understand why this child having different genitalia from your first has anything to do with it.
As far as "this experience", have you never had someone give you a gift before? That's all a shower is...multiple people giving you presents. It's not that big of a deal...it's just a little shower. You're not missing any "experience."
If you do end up having another shower, I would keep it extremely small--just family and your best friend. NO registry. A shower is to welcome a woman into motherhood. You've already been there for 2 years. If someone insists, go for it. But otherwise, it's just not a great idea.
I respectfully disagree. If I were getting re-married, and I hadn't had a bridal shower the first time around, it would still be tacky for me to have one for my new marriage.
I wouldn't side-eye a shower for a second time mom if she hadn't had one for her first AS MUCH, but I'd still side-eye it and keep my gift really small if I even chose to attend.
I think a meet the baby party afterwards is a great idea. No gifts required. It's just a true celebration.
Awww, thanks.
And the bolded part IS my biggest annoyance. It goes against the logic they use. It's always "every baby needs to be celebrated" but the fact that the child is a different sex is always on the list of reasons why it's justified. I'm just picturing "Oh, this baby has different junk!! Let's get you some presents!!" v. "Oh, this baby has the same junk as the first one?...not really anything special, so let's skip the party. We've been there done that."
The second time around thing is part of the reason I feel weird bringing it up. We have a lot of gender neutral stuff (because we did plan ahead and bought everything ourselves since I didn't have a shower) and the stuff that isn't neutral we don't really care about. I'm not adverse to a boy sitting in a pink bumbo.
So I'm more than happy with putting no gifts on the invite. What I really wanted was to have my friends and family together while I'm pregnant (not taking care of a newborn) to eat some food and play some silly games and see some cutesy decorations. The experience thing is that I've been to a lot of showers, both bridal and baby, and though it may be selfish, I'd like to have a party too. I felt very isolated the first time around since it was just DH and me. People who feel showers are about gifts I think are missing the point of showers. Honestly, I would feel pretty bad if my friends didn't come because I already had a kid when I came to all of theirs and celebrated the big transitions in their lives.
I won't bring it up to the kind people who offered because you are certainly right, if they are serious they will contact me. But I can't help but hope.
Always Sunny's back b-tches!
Respectfully, it is you that is missing the point with regard to showers. Gifts are the point of a shower. That's where the word comes from--showering the MTB with presents.
Why can't you just have your friends and family over? Just call them and say "hey, I'd really like to have everyone over before the baby gets here and I'm swamped with a newborn. Why don't you come over Saturday for some food and relaxation?"
Just wanted to add that the fact I didn't have a first one and that the baby is a different gender are the reasons they gave me when they offered. I'm just going with it.
Also, I've been to several showers for second time moms, regardless of gender. Not saying it's right or not tacky or whatever, but what do you guys do when a close friend or family member invites you to a second shower?
Always Sunny's back b-tches!
I get it, and believe me I'm not just trying to justify it for myself (or maybe I am, ok I am). But what about if you never gave a first gift or if gifts weren't a requirement and the shower was just "come eat some food and hang out"?
Always Sunny's back b-tches!
I agree with everything cranag said.
I would decline an invite to a shower for a second kid, even if I didn't attend the first shower.
Showers are for first time moms only.
OP you seem to really be trying to justify this, there is no justification.
Also - it seems you don't really have anyone who actively wants to host. No one is currently planning anything.
I would let it go.
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
Expecting Baby Bean February 2017
You are totally trying to justify it to yourself - people are giving you lots of good advice and you want to argue every point so you can feel better about wanting a shower. I get that you didn't have one with your first, but too bad. You've missed the boat. If they don't bring it up, you don't get one. And honestly, it would be more tactful if you declined if one was offered. I have never been to a shower for a second baby; showers for second+ children are tacky. Showers are all about showering first time moms with gifts. To put on the invitation to not bring gifts implies that one was expected in the first place. I agree the whole "but it's a different sex" is old. Your kids are a little more than two years apart, you admitted to already buying gender neutral stuff, what more could you need?
Maybe you should think about having a meet the baby party once he's here. Or just have people over for a party before he gets here, saying nothing about it being a shower, for the baby, about gifts (expected or not), etc.? It's too bad you didn't get a first shower, but that's no one else's fault.
Then throw a party at your house, invite your friends, have a good time! Only don't make it about the baby. You've already got the stuff you need for a baby.
Well, then it's not a shower. Again, SHOWERING the honoree with gifts. There is no other point to a shower other than to give gifts. Otherwise, it's just a party. Just invite some people over, and don't make it about the baby if all you want is to see everyone before you have a newborn.
However, like PPs have said, you're trying to find ways to justify it. You feel your circumstance is special and extraordinary, and it just isn't. Bottom line is that a baby shower isn't some rite of passage. It's a two hour get-together with some finger foods, games no one really likes to play, and presents. It's not a life-changing event. You can be disappointed, but at this point, there's nothing to really do about it.
ALL of this. And to the rite of passage aspect - cripes. Having the baby is the rite, the life changing event. Not a shower. I don't get how showers have been blown up to these "OMG!!!!I have to have one! My life won't be complete w/o one!!!!!".
As a guest- weddings are "OMG - what an amazing event/ time/ I'm so glad I didn't miss it". Showers are... well, just that. Showers. It's nice to go and see friends, relax, chit chat. But if I can't go, it's usually a "shrug", I'll give them a gift the next time I see them.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Probably not a popular opinion, but to weigh in on the "I don't want presents" part: I said that when I was pregnant with my first. I tried asking my hostess if guests could just bring advice or hand me downs, and she said that was ridiculous. It's a shower, and women like buying cute stuff for babies.
So if your friends bring it up again, I'd say go ahead and accept if you like, and go with whatever they want to do.
OP...are you aware what a shower is for? It is to welcome a woman into motherhood. You do not fit the category since you are already a mother. If someone truly wants to host a shower for you obviously you can accept or decline but just because "you want to have this experience" is not a good reason IMO. Since you have 2 people that have mentioned it maybe they can host together (especially since your sister lives out of state). Perhaps you can ask your sister if she would like to host with someone else - that would tell you if she is still interested in hosting. I would not bring it up to your friend.