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Christening Dilemma

potatoheadpotatohead member
in Adoption
Our agency told us to try and hold off on any religious ceremonies until after finalization.  Don't really know why but we thought that would be fine, except that finalization won't happen for another 4-6 months and DH's out-of-town parents are coming to visit in February.  They probably won't come back to visit for another year because it will be "our turn" to go visit them next.  It's a long, stupid story that started when DD#1 was born.  Long story short, we'd like to have the christening in Feb when they visit, however, we don't want that to become a problem with the agency should they find out.  Catch 22.  WWYD?
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after several m/c, DD#1 born 7-7-08, more m/c and failed IVF, started adoption process March 2011, matched Oct 2, 2012, DD#2 born 10-31-12
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Re: Christening Dilemma

  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member

    When is TPR? Has it already happened?

    I ask because we didn't wait until finalization, but we DID wait until TPR was complete for both birthparents. That may be a possibility

    I'd also clarify with the agency. To me, "try to hold off" means you can try, but if scheduling means you have to do it sooner, that's just the risk you take if something happens with the adoption. They may say, "Oh, TPR is complete, everything is on schedule, go for it."

    If for some reason it can't happen, I'd either push for your ILs to come again, or say, "Sorry we'll miss you."

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  • lizlemon2lizlemon2 member
    Hmm,. that is tough.  I am about to schedule mine, and we are not finalized yet.  I waited until TPR was done. Our SW didn't tell us anything specific.
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  • IRRIRR member
    Not sure what state you adopted from, but as long as there isn't a 90 day period to change their minds, or until adoption is final, I would do what is best for you and your family.  Some states really do allow BM's to change their mind until the court date is final though.  Do you have an open adoption?  Would you be inviting the BM?  This may all weigh into what I was thinking.  GL.
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  • Art TeacherArt Teacher

    Our agency didn't have an opinion one way or another but our church (Catholic) would not do the baptism until after the finalization. 

    If your church doesn't have an issue and if TPR has been signed by the birthparents, then I would think it's up to you and not an agency decision.

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  • megriffithsmegriffiths
    Our church would not allow her to take part in a ceremony until we could show them her adoption order. Without it, by legal definition, we are only her guardian and not her parents and things could technically still fall through. She was in our care for over 9 months before we had her AO, and it was hard and my husband's family did miss out but if her agency had found out, technically we could have been reprimanded and put the whole adoption at risk. I would not go shead with the ceremony and put our family at that kind of risk but that is just me. Many churches won't let families put themselves in that position either. I hope it works out either way, the only important attendee at your child's Christrning is God and He will be there regardless :)
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  • sgb721sgb721 member

    Our agency gave us a letter for the church in case the church tries to give us a hard time as adoption isn't finalized yet. The church can't deny you (and really shouldn't). Its fascinating to me how agencies differ.

    Honestly, if it were my child I would act in accordance with how I would christen any of my children- finalized paper work or not. 

    TTC since June 2010
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    Lilypie - (hlC0)
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  • CaptainSeriousCaptainSerious member
    imageStrawberryglobug:

    Our agency gave us a letter for the church in case the church tries to give us a hard time as adoption isn't finalized yet. The church can't deny you (and really shouldn't). Its fascinating to me how agencies differ.

    I don't understand this.  Why can't the church deny you?  The church is entirely within it's right to issue its sacraments the way it sees fit as it interprets the situation.  That's the whole point of separation of church and state; the church gets to make its own rules.

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  • potatoheadpotatohead member

    Oh I know our church would be okay with it whenever.  That's not an issue.

    The agency still hasn't heard anything from the BF, so maybe that is why.  TPR is complete for the BM.  However, bc of the situation, I know there is no chance whatsoever that BF would come forth.  If he did, he would be in a world of trouble.

     

    Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers

    after several m/c, DD#1 born 7-7-08, more m/c and failed IVF, started adoption process March 2011, matched Oct 2, 2012, DD#2 born 10-31-12
    Hope Wait Pray Adoption Blog
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