inviting XW to baby shower

wright129 · January 2013

Thoughts on inviting XW to my baby shower? We are having it a weekend we have SD so she can be involved. We have 50/50 just FYI we are friendly and do things together for SD and she asks how baby is doing and asks about my sonos etc... but we have had our moments in the past to get to this point, including a court battle... so I dont know if inviting her to shower is too much

Should I just send sn invite and let her decide or maybe an invite and a text letting her know? Or just not include her?

SD is 3

Nineoceans · January 2013

I would say way too much but then again you know your situation better...

Ooglybear · January 2013

...

mom2one · January 2013

If DS's SM were to have a shower I would be there for sure!

LoveActually4 · January 2013

If you're cOmfortable with her there then sure. She may say no but that's ok too. If you're not genuinely comfortable, I wouldn't.

SimpleJane · January 2013

Will you feel comfortable with her there? Will she feel comfortable? Is there potential for drama or problems that could ruin your or SDs experience?

twister22 · January 2013

MelRC117:
I see a shower as close friends and family so I wouldn't invite her. You know your situation more than anyone else. Would you genuinely like her to be there?

Hypothetically, I would find it odd if DS's SM invited me to her shower. Even if things are on fantastic terms, I would decline.

lb1212 · January 2013

I wouldn't. Especially since you're having on "your time", BM isn't needed to drop SD off or pick her up. You say you are trying to get passed "moments including a court battle" and this is a great thing! Personally, I would worry that BM might feel like you're rubbing her nose in your pregnancy. (That is exactly how "our" BM would feel. Also, "our" BM would find someway to cause a scene so she could be the center of attention.)

If you're still torn, ask your MIL for her opinion!

jnjmommy0609 · January 2013

It all really depends on your situation.

With my second I invited my ex's mother and his wife at the time. They showed and it was fun. They even won some of the games and I was able to give them a prize. Our history was that they respected me as a mom and they showed me time and time again that they want nothing but the best for DS. And usually that includes people on both ends working together.

If you feel like she respects you then why not. But if you feel she is nice because of the situation then it could be a bit much.

Tasheystar · January 2013

I probably wouldn't feel comfortable having her there, so I wouldn't invite her. I agree that a shower should be family and friends. We aren't friends. I would feel like I had to stay "on guard" the whole time. I would also worry about her thinking I was trying to "rub her nose in it". Not worth the potential drama in my opinion.

Of course, your situation could be different. It might go very well. Good luck.

fellesferie · January 2013

Even in a magical world in which I had a great relationship w/ my child's SM I'm not sure I would want to come to her baby shower.

I would say invite her IF:

- You genuinely want her there.

- There are other people she knows there.

- You are friendly enough that she would feel comfortable declining and both of you would continue to be okay.

jenjen930 · January 2013

Unless you guys are honestly close outside of the kids I wouldn't invite her. I agree with several people above that said showers are for close friends and family.

brandyleighxx · January 2013

This is your day. If you invited her, and she came - would you be 100% comfortable? I wouldn't, personally. I would feel like I couldn't 100% be myself. I also brough SD3 to my baby showers and I like that she stuck by me. If her mom had been there, she would have hung out with her and not been as involved (like helping me play shower games and open gifts). I also felt like if I'd invited her, DH's family would spend more time talking to her because they've obviously known her longer and want to make nice.

kali55 · January 2013

It all depends on how comfortable you are, as it's your shower.

I didn't have BM at my last shower since things were tense when I was PG with DS, but with the next one I would consider inviting her. She always hugs DS when she comes to get SDs and is very encouraging of a relationship between siblings.

J&A2008 · January 2013

I wouldn't. What does your husband think?

wright129 · January 2013

Lots of great advice! - Still torn though...

We do hang out some outside of SD, usually because we are friends with her Brother and SisIL. She will know people there, and i invited her sis in law as well.

We have a good relationship now, and she is supportive of the pregnancy, i dont think she would see it as rubbing her nose in it.

I dont think we would be uncomfortable it, but i do agree with PP that said SD might not be as involved if BM is there. She would probably stay closer to BM than playing games with me... - I think this is my biggest kicker, that I want this day to be exciting for her too, and celebrating becoming a big sister, and dont know if she would get it as much with BM there...

BUT I do want BM a part of LO's life as well(in a Aunt-like sense or best friends mom), since SD and LO will be so close, since we have 50/50 and they are close in age, and BM lives only a block away, so they will go to the same school, etc - the kids should be very close...

2chatter · January 2013

Going off that information...SIL and living a block away....and how you want her to be viewed by the baby....I would say invite her.

I really had to get out of my head and my situation to think that! In your situation though, if I am BM, I am left wondering, "why didn't they invite me to the shower!!?!!" (and not in a crazy way like our BM, who faked a miscarriage when I was pregnant, would be).

Want a personalized experience?

inviting XW to baby shower

Re: inviting XW to baby shower

Choose Another Board

Search Boards