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March 2013 Moms
Experiencing loss
Looking for fellow mothers who may have experienced loss. Friday the 11th I was 31 weeks and 1 day! That day my baby boy was kicking non stop as usual. He's a very active boy. He kicked me all night long so come Saturday morning when he was quiet I assumed he was just catching some Zzz's. But by 7:00pm when I still didn't feel him I knew something was wrong. My bf assured me he was fine, that he was sleeping because I had also played a lot of classical music for him earlier that day. But when I was able to sleep through the night without feeling him I got up super early and headed to the hospital.
It was there that they couldn't find a heartbeat. My baby boy had died. I was brought to a private room and began labor. Everything was happening so fast. Ppl looked at me like they do when they have no words. Here I was a first time mom counting down the days to see my joy, never could I imagine it would go down like this.
I had a physically painless delivery, only pushed for maybe 10 minutes and there he was. In the world but not really. The whole experience was very emotional and I can't believe he is no longer with me. So tiny, so beautiful.
Why? Why me? Why him? Had I just gone to the hospital a little sooner maybe things would have been different. Maybe he would still be alive. He died from the umbilical cord wrapping around his neck. All the dreams I had for him are gone. His life was way too short. How do you come back from this? How do I go on?
Please! Any advice?
Baby Kanden Settle was born at 230am January 14th 3 pounds 10 ounces with lots of dark wavy hair and the sweetest little face! I love my angel!
It was there that they couldn't find a heartbeat. My baby boy had died. I was brought to a private room and began labor. Everything was happening so fast. Ppl looked at me like they do when they have no words. Here I was a first time mom counting down the days to see my joy, never could I imagine it would go down like this.
I had a physically painless delivery, only pushed for maybe 10 minutes and there he was. In the world but not really. The whole experience was very emotional and I can't believe he is no longer with me. So tiny, so beautiful.
Why? Why me? Why him? Had I just gone to the hospital a little sooner maybe things would have been different. Maybe he would still be alive. He died from the umbilical cord wrapping around his neck. All the dreams I had for him are gone. His life was way too short. How do you come back from this? How do I go on?
Please! Any advice?
Baby Kanden Settle was born at 230am January 14th 3 pounds 10 ounces with lots of dark wavy hair and the sweetest little face! I love my angel!
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Re: Experiencing loss
I am so sorry for your loss. My mother also lost her first baby at 31 weeks (she went on to have my two older brothers, adopted me, and then had my younger sister). I can only offer a listening ear, and strongly suggest talking to a therapist.
Kanden's life was too short, but you had the joy of feeling him move inside you and meeting him and seeing him in person, which is a miracle in and of itself. My thoughts are with you, your partner and baby Kanden.
August '16-January '17: Clomid + HCG + IUI/TI = BFN
February/March '17: Menopur + HCG + IUI = BFN
April '17: Menopur + HCG + TI (due to too many mature follicles) = BFN
May '17: Took off due to cysts
June' 17: Menopur + HCG + IUI = Cancelled due to 8+ mature follicles
November '17: Clomid + HCG + IUI= BFN
December '17: Menopur + HCG + TI= BFP!!!! Due August 2018
It's a girl!
I am so sorry you had to experience this. Thoughts and prayers are with you.
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I'm so sorry for the loss of Kanden.
The loss board is great and they also have a FB group depending on which one you would feel most comfortable with joining. I personally am on the FB group and it gives me a lot of comfort to know that I'm not alone. I lost my daughter in the 2nd trimester and it has been a struggle ever since.
It's easy for me to say it's not your fault because it isn't and I think deep down you know that but as a loss Mom as well I get it. I get why you feel that way, I struggle with the same feelings. If only, if only, if only.
If you need someone to talk to *please* PM me. There are also a couple of loss Moms I know who I can get you in touch with her had similar losses due to cord accidents.
Thinking about you, your BF and Kanden
I am so sorry for your loss. Know that you have many people thinking about you.