Why did I lie???

Sophistikitty · January 2013

I had to go to our bank today to get a cashier?s check for our donor?s fee. Everything went as expected until the teller asked me what it was for and that is when my brain went haywire. Pretty well everyone we know is a client at that branch and for some reason I just couldn?t say it was compensation for an egg donor, so I said it was a down payment for a SURROGATE! Seriously, I don?t know where it came from. I just didn?t want the whole town gossiping about our reproductive situation (like what I said helped). Then of course I realized after that if I get pregnant I will have to manufacture a whole other story.

We agreed from day one that our child will know about its origins. I just didn?t want to walk into the bank in the future and have the tellers talking about us... But I guess I created a whole other problem. I felt even worse because the teller is so nice (I have dealt with her many times before) and she obviously saw that I totally stressed because she said at the end, ? Can I do anything else for you today? Maybe a cash withdrawal for some wine? That?s the good thing about having a surrogate... You can still have wine?. OMG, I wanted to die!

DoublePortion · January 2013

((hugs)) Nothing like being put on the spot and freaking out! I'd be a little annoyed that she asked...pretty sure that's against teller etiquette, but I digress. lol If you do get PG you can just say you ended up changing your mind at the last minute. I hope your evening/weekend is better!

Gregermis · January 2013

Awww sweetie! Chalk it up to IF brain... IF really screws with you (and FYI, when your DE cycle works.... that IF brain won't go away! So get used to it). Hopefully no one even remembers a few weeks or months down the line

Surreal&nik · January 2013

Oh i'm sorry to hear that, I'm a teller too and maybe she was just trying to get who she had to make it payable to? Normally I'd ask who to make it payable too but i have had instances where i was trying to make small talk and totally stuck my foot in my mouth. Anyways i'm a lurker and normally not active here but i'm sorry you felt uncomfortable at your bank today. I would just not mention it again and hopefully she wont either.

PrettyAccountant · January 2013

Oh sweetie sorry you got put in that position. Sometimes a lie for no reason at all comes flying out of our mouths.
Even though you have no desire to hide the genetic origins from your child, at least it should be your decision how and when to tell him or her. Can you imagine people who don't really know you well approach you when little one is 3 or 4 and ask something stupid like so does he/she know who his real mommy is? I mean besides going bat crazy on the idiot, can you imagine what your child will think especially if they are too young to comprehend understanding their genetic origins.
Honestly, I think most people are idiots and the lie you told was fine. You control how and when your future child finds out about the great gift you received in order to conceive him. Telling people know who are close to you and love you is fine because they can understand their place in when and what your child finds out.
I am sorry you even had to have this happen.
Hugs

luvboston · January 2013

Hopefully its forgotten otherwise you can chalk it up to good luck and say we got pg and didn't need the surrogate if you are ever asked no biggie give yourself a break.

Scoop77 · January 2013

So annoying that she asked you that! WTF. I hate nosy people who spring those kinds of questions on you. It's hard because you don't have time to think of an appropriate answer. I hope you're cutting yourself a break because I don't know what would have popped out of my mouth in that situation, either.

Julie21613 · January 2013

Ugh.... I can't believe she even asked! Is I fully understand something just coming out of your mouth. Knowing me, I probably would have said "a vacation of a lifetime" only because I'm always thinking about that 'vacation of a lifetime" :-) Don't worry... when you turn up pregnant and if she asks, you can just say we wanted to give it one more shot and surprise it worked!

Hugs....

Sophistikitty · January 2013

Surreal&nik:
Oh i'm sorry to hear that, I'm a teller too and maybe she was just trying to get who she had to make it payable to? Normally I'd ask who to make it payable too but i have had instances where i was trying to make small talk and totally stuck my foot in my mouth. Anyways i'm a lurker and normally not active here but i'm sorry you felt uncomfortable at your bank today. I would just not mention it again and hopefully she wont either.

I wish that was the case but I had already slipped her all the pertinent details like a bank robbery note before she asked.

Sophistikitty · January 2013

PrettyAccountant:
Oh sweetie sorry you got put in that position. Sometimes a lie for no reason at all comes flying out of our mouths. Even though you have no desire to hide the genetic origins from your child, at least it should be your decision how and when to tell him or her. Can you imagine people who don't really know you well approach you when little one is 3 or 4 and ask something stupid like so does he/she know who his real mommy is? I mean besides going bat crazy on the idiot, can you imagine what your child will think especially if they are too young to comprehend understanding their genetic origins. Honestly, I think most people are idiots and the lie you told was fine. You control how and when your future child finds out about the great gift you received in order to conceive him. Telling people know who are close to you and love you is fine because they can understand their place in when and what your child finds out. I am sorry you even had to have this happen. Hugs

Thank you for this. Big hugs.

Sophistikitty · January 2013

Julie21613:
Ugh.... I can't believe she even asked! Is I fully understand something just coming out of your mouth. Knowing me, I probably would have said "a vacation of a lifetime" only because I'm always thinking about that 'vacation of a lifetime" :-) Don't worry... when you turn up pregnant and if she asks, you can just say we wanted to give it one more shot and surprise it worked!
Hugs....

The problem was that the agency?s name clearly indicated that it had something to with egg donation or surrogacy, so I was really in a bind... I was just so caught off guard that she asked. I guess I could have said I was making a charitable contribution or something.

Mrs.McIrish · January 2013

Since the papers clearly said "donor and surrogacy" the teller was completely in the wrong for being nosy. Don't beat yourself up about the lie. You were put on the spot and you never know what will be said when that happens. Can you avoid that bank for a while and go to another branch? I'm good at avoidance!

PrettyAccountant · January 2013

Mrs.McIrish:
Since the papers clearly said "donor and surrogacy" the teller was completely in the wrong for being nosy. Don't beat yourself up about the lie. You were put on the spot and you never know what will be said when that happens. Can you avoid that bank for a while and go to another branch? I'm good at avoidance!

This! She shouldn't have asked on the first place!

lynn0926 · January 2013

Hugs! Don't beat yourself up. Like you, we are going to be open with our boys about their DE origins. As far as others, like the bank teller, it is none of their business. If your children choose to tell the teller or whoever they want in the future, that is their business. When you do get KU, you can just tell the teller it was a suprise or you did one last shot at IVF. Just because you are doing DE doesn't mean you have to tell everyone you cross paths with. My close friends and family are the only ones that know.

Julie21613 · January 2013

Mrs.McIrish:
Since the papers clearly said "donor and surrogacy" the teller was completely in the wrong for being nosy. Don't beat yourself up about the lie. You were put on the spot and you never know what will be said when that happens. Can you avoid that bank for a while and go to another branch? I'm good at avoidance!

This....

Bethany1026 · January 2013

lynn0926:
Hugs! Don't beat yourself up. Like you, we are going to be open with our boys about their DE origins. As far as others, like the bank teller, it is none of their business. If your children choose to tell the teller or whoever they want in the future, that is their business. When you do get KU, you can just tell the teller it was a suprise or you did one last shot at IVF. Just because you are doing DE doesn't mean you have to tell everyone you cross paths with. My close friends and family are the only ones that know.

Agreed!! I've never had a bank teller ask why I am withdrawing in the first place.... I find this odd and extremely nosy!

liz4paws · January 2013

I totally know what you mean, because I made up a stupid lie to cover up our TTC problems related to our hot tub that we got installed last year and to this day I don't know why I did it. Try not to beat yourself up over it because it's none of the teller's business what you do with your money. *hug*

joules12 · January 2013

Mrs.McIrish:
Since the papers clearly said "donor and surrogacy" the teller was completely in the wrong for being nosy. Don't beat yourself up about the lie. You were put on the spot and you never know what will be said when that happens. Can you avoid that bank for a while and go to another branch? I'm good at avoidance!

Completely agreed! So sorry that you found yourself in this situation -- so inappropriate of her to put you there! Like others have said, your decision to be open about DE is YOUR decision...when/where/how/who YOU decide...and it must have been very awkward to be put on the spot like that. (((hugs)))

mm29 · January 2013

It's so hard to be put on the spot! I'm so sorry you had to deal with that!

(((Huge hugs)))

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