different strokes at M&M (vent)

Andreabks · January 2013

i like the idea of mommy and me groups, but i'm really hoping that some non-atachement parenting people show up at some point.

the lactation nurse who leads it (through my insurance, Kaiser) is nice enough but i thought she and most of the group was going to have a heart attack when i said we were sleep training back at 2 1/2 to 3 months, then again when i said we were starting cereal in her bottle to help with the spit up (this was 2 weeks ago after her 4 month wellness visit). i fully understand the AAP guidelines say 6 months, but if its going to help the constant spit up, then i'm for it as it was my pedi's suggestion.

and please don't tell me i have to co-sleep with my kid! she's much happier and slept longer streches like 7pm - 6 am with only 1 motn feeding since we moved her. blah.

so many of the mom's talk about how great it is that their child every need is met before the kid even knows they need something, they're rarely put down and still spend most the dayin a carrier when mom's home etc... then they complain that they can't go to the bathroom with out the kid screaming, they only ever nap in mommy's arms and don't sleep more than an hour or two in streches at night.

different storkes for different folks, but i get tired of people pushing attachement parenting on me (oh its best for baby) when it didnt' work for me, and you don't see me telling you my way works better either (i just smile and nod more often than not at group). if it works for you, fine, but it didn't work for us. don't tell me i'm a bad mommy for doing what worked best for us.

and dont' get me started on how many times i've been asked why we didn't snip bby's under tongue thingy when she wouldn't latch. I EP so she still gets BM and no formula. "you should get her back on the boob, its the best thing for her!" my LO hated the boob from day one and i don't feel like less of a mom because shes getting BM out of a bottle, thanks!

if you've made it this far, thanks for listening. i'm just frustrated and forever amused that women in a group like this can say "different styles welcome and no judging here" and in the next breath tell you how awful you are for doing something different than they do.

lady_tytah · January 2013

I haven't ran into the issue of ppl judging me for EP yet. I think that's because most of my friends and family breastfeed. I've been lucky in that regard. We're all the same.
It annoys the helll out of how pushy AP parents are though. Its not that serious. Same with the non violent and natural parenting groups. Its like chill. Beating another parent over their choices, isn't teaching your child understanding, empathy or acceptance. But don't tell them that lol.

bigbootyjudi · January 2013

I love my mom. She's absolutely great and a huge help with S...but she's constantly telling me to try to get him to latch because "it would be so much easier." No, it's not easier. He just flails around and gets beyond pissed off and then not only do I have a hungry kid, but an irate one too. No thanks.

Whenever someone asks me if he's formula or breastfed [why do people even ask this?], I say breastfed and then they always go on to talk about how they loved BFing because they could do it while they slept or something and then I say I EP and they just say,"Oh...really?" YES, REALLY. And EPing is breastfeeding.

AP doesn't work for everyone. We do a mild form of it and I love my son, but I wish I wouldn't have done so much of it. He's really clingy and particular and I attribute that to how much I held him, how I never even let him fuss in the beginning, that we coslept for so long, and bedshared for naps. My best friend, who parents just like you, has an amazingly independent child...he'll play for HOURS by himself, entertains himself, is really flexible, and just started walking at 8 months old. Sergio plays for mayyyybe ten minutes before he starts to cry to be picked up, needs to be on his schedule or he goes BSC, and won't sleep during the day out of our arms. Next time, I'll still cuddle and love my child obviously, but I'll be doing it differently.

lady_tytah · January 2013

anbeck4:

AP doesn't work for everyone. We do a mild form of it and I love my son, but I wish I wouldn't have done so much of it. He's really clingy and particular. My best friend, who parents just like you, has an amazingly independent child...he'll play for HOURS by himself, entertains himself, is really flexible, and just started walking at 8 months old.

I could argue with that point. Every child is different. I did allot of AP style raising with my daughter and she is quite independent. She was walking by 9 months. I don't believe its the style you raise the kid but when they are ready. I don't believe AP style prohibits the baby from being independent as long as the parent doesn't stop growth. I've known far too many parents to lank on their child as a crutch or a way to 'repair' their past.

SpruceGrouse · January 2013

I don't co sleep but do most other AP stuff just because it is what works for me, I don't carry him all day though.

People that push their beliefs on others really get on my nerves. You are just as good a mom as them perhaps even better. I don't get what their deal is with the bottle, you are pumping to give your baby breast milk, that takes so much dedication, amazing. Even if you were giving formula, what's it to them? It doesn't affect their family. I don't think I would like those people very much. I wonder what percentage they AP for their baby and what percentage they AP because of what others think so they can try to be above other moms.

Andreabks · January 2013

SpruceGrouse:
I don't co sleep but do most other AP stuff just because it is what works for me, I don't carry him all day though.
People that push their beliefs on others really get on my nerves. You are just as good a mom as them perhaps even better. I don't get what their deal is with the bottle, you are pumping to give your baby breast milk, that takes so much dedication, amazing. Even if you were giving formula, what's it to them? It doesn't affect their family. I don't think I would like those people very much. I wonder what percentage they AP for their baby and what percentage they AP because of what others think so they can try to be above other moms.

I wonder that too from time to time. not all the moms there are like that, but most of them are. i just get tired of girls my age who have the attitude that what they dois the best no matter what and you can't have a different opinion.

Tula214 · January 2013

People always asked me if I breastfed, or formula fed. Since I EPed, I told them breastfed, and they all assumed I nursed him. Mostly I didn't even explain because I didn't care what they thought anyway.

My mom would always say to J when he cried, "Do you want the boob? Tell mommy to give you a boob instead of a bottle." I would get so mad. I started EPing because I had a lot of negative thoughts toward J when I was failing miserably at breastfeeding.

One family member does AP. That's great for her, but it isn't my thing. She had 3 kids sleeping in her bed with her, and her husband. No thank you!

I even had a girl at work harass me, and she doesn't even have kids! When I said k breastfed she told me I BETTER cover up in public. Then a few weeks later asked again if I was still breastfeeding. When I said yes she said, "no formula? Good that's bad for them." Wtf formula isn't bad for babies.

It just amazes me the things people say to me now that I have a baby.

MPJR91910 · January 2013

Over the holidays, I was talking to a friend's wife (who I had never met before this encounter), and she asked if I still nurse. I said, "yes," and a few minutes later pulled out a bottle. She looked at me confused, and I explained that I pump as well as nurse. She asked why, and I explained that since I'm back to work and the baby is in day care, I have to pump. Her face turned so many shades of red as she proceeded to raise her voice and say, "day care? How could you? Are you crazy? Are you doing this just for the money? Because if it's just for the money, you can find another...better...job after a few years. I would NEVER leave my child with someone else. Are you crazy?" Finally I just said, "I wanted to return to work. I was getting depressed staying at home." She told me I should just go see a therapist and then quit my job to stay at home. I just smiled and nodded.

Surprisingly, it didn't annoy me. My family kind of made a joke out of it and we all spent the rest of the week talking about what a horrible mom I am because I work to help pay the bills.

Mrs. Rohde · January 2013

MPJR91910:
nbsp;Over the holidays, I was talking to a friend's wife who I had never met before this encounter, and she asked if I still nurse.nbsp; I said, "yes," and a few minutes later pulled out a bottle.nbsp; She looked at me confused, and I explained that I pump as well as nurse.nbsp; She asked why, and I explained that since I'm back to work and the baby is in day care, I have to pump.nbsp;Her face turned so many shades of red as she proceeded to raise her voice and say, "day care? How could you? Are you crazy?nbsp; Are you doing this just for the money? Because if it's just for the money, you can find another...better...job after a few years.nbsp; I would NEVER leave my child with someone else.nbsp; Are you crazy?"nbsp; Finally I just said, "I wanted to return to work. I was getting depressed staying at home."nbsp; She told me I should just go see a therapist and then quit my job to stay at home. I just smiled and nodded.nbsp;
Surprisingly, it didn't annoy me.nbsp;nbsp;My family kind of made a joke out of it and we all spent the restnbsp;of the week talking about what a horrible mom I am because I work to help pay the bills.nbsp;nbsp;

I can't believe someone would say something like that! It's not their business at all. I pump too so I can have a small stash for going out, DH feeding, etc. it makes sense to me even if I do SAH.
I don't really get the whole AP thing. Not my style at all but I would never bring someone down for it. Not my baby. Not my place.

Twizzle · January 2013

I see all these posts on here about people getting judged for their parenting and I really consider myself lucky because for the most part I don't have anyone in my life who is like this. Maybe this one nosy coworker but I don't really talk to her much. I'm sorry that this is happening to you!

I don't really follow a particular parenting style or method, I just do what comes naturally but I am probably more like AP than anything else and I do have to argue with pps saying that AP makes for more clingy children. If you have ever read anything about AP, one of the big promotions is that you are actually creating more independent children. They form a secure attachment to their parents, which means that they are confident their parents are there for them, which then gives them the confidence to become more independent. Honestly I think a lot of clinginess/independence is more related to developmental stages than anything else. My 4 year old is quite independent now and often plays on his own--I can't even follow his little conversations that he has with his toys. But at 18 months he was the clingiest little guy ever and would get upset when strangers even LOOKED at him.

PaisleyRuth · January 2013

Twizzle:
I see all these posts on here about people getting judged for their parenting and I really consider myself lucky because for the most part I don't have anyone in my life who is like this.

I agree with this! I can't believe some of the things people say to all of you.

Andreabks · January 2013

my grandfather went as far as to tell my DH that he should get a seccond job (since he did) so that i could stay home.

thanks but i like to actually see my husband. when i find a decent job again (got laid off while on maternity) i'll be going back to work and am only home because of Maternity, paid family leave and now unemployment makes it possible.

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